Someone needs to wash the New York Times’s mouth out with soap.

A few days ago, it said the F-word. We at the Herald expressed a communal, synchronized gasp of disgust when we saw it happen, right there, all up in our face on the 86^th page of the Times’ style magazine. The absolute gall.

For our part, we would never. We would never use the F-word—a word that literally makes me shudder to even see written out—in a front-page story, no less.

“With Wasilewski at the Church Street South housing projects, I see this firsthand when one officer looks a teenage suspect in the eyes and complains to the others officers at the scene, “I stop this fucking kid every fucking time!”

We would obviously never use it in a Bullblog headline.

 “Stop fat shaming Kim Kardashian; she’s fucking pregnant”

And it goes without saying that the Bullblog’s own Lara Sokoloff , TC ’16, would never:

     ”48 hours later, the fucking elevator still is not fixed.”

Ever:

     ”The reasoning behind Paint Parties must be that someone at some point had a good fucking time at one and decided to make them a ‘thing.’”

Ever:

     ”Regardless, even if I didn’t know it was spring, my instagram certainly fucking knows it’s spring.”

Ever:

     ”Here are the top two ways to get the fuck out”

use that despicable word. We would never use the phrase “face-fucking yourself” when describing a New Haven sushi restaurant, and there’s no chance we’d print an article that used it 15 times.

But now the floodgates have opened. The Times has buckled, and the Herald is the next logical domino to fall. Turn on your Chrome parental controls because stuff’s about to get flipped up.

It’s officially “What are your summer plans?” season and I’m officially behind. Every time I’m asked this question I do a little hand waving and say, “I just want to, like, go be in Europe or something.” Unacceptable answer, Kohler.

So, like any semi-responsible, 19-year-old semi-adult, I’ve been browsing the listings on New Haven Craigslist, and I’ve found so many great opportunities that I felt compelled by a sense of altruism to share them with you.

1. “Know someone with a bad wig?” — The description for this job opportunity begins with the startlingly accurate statement that “Wigs are the hottest new trend.” Okay, I’ll bite. “If you know someone who needs a wig makeover, email us today!” I’m not exactly sure how that qualifies as a job opportunity, but I’m definitely going to apply nonetheless.
2. “WANTED HARD WORKER WITH PICKUP TRUCK START TODAY” — You do the math.
3. “Women needed for adult flim [sic]” – Seriously though, don’t apply to that one.
4. “COOKING SHOW HOST” — To be honest that actually sounds awesome.
5. “Lube tech” — I mean… I do know a good amount about lube. Get it?
6. “Semi drivers” —  The description for this job is somewhat vague—“GREAT MILES” “GREAT PAY” “CALL 224.558.5668.” I’ve taken it to mean that they want drivers who only have their learner’s permits. Like me.