Dear Horatio Sanz,

I hope this letter finds you well. I’m writing to you because I miss you and because I want you back in my life.

What have you been doing since you were famous? Are you still funny? You didn’t have kids, did you? I hope not.

You should get your own TV show, or you could be in a movie with a more famous celebrity. I think it would be great if you played Santa Claus at some point. Whatever you do, promise I’ll laugh at all your jokes.

Let me know if there’s anything I can do to resurrect your career, or if you just need someone to talk to.

All the best,
Your guardian angel.

We all want likes. We all love likes. I need likes.

It’s just that I need more likes and I need them now.

I’ve tried everything – I throw up #tbts after the morning rush so that I stand out. I give out likes generously so that people might return the favor. And yeah, I like every single one of my own pictures and posts the instant I put them up.  But none of it gets me where I need to be.

So, I’m offering to enter into a “Like Alliance” with any willing and able party. There are two conditions upon which this alliance is founded:

1) Everything you post, I like.

2) Everything I post, you like.

Join me, and let’s get 100+ every. single. time.

You know what they say, “location, location, location!!”

This roomy one bedroom has lots of natural light, is very pet-friendly, and is within an exclusive gated community!

Do I hear one thousand? Two? Three? A billion?

Tomorrow, April 1st, at 7:30pm in Sudler Hall, Dean Mary Miller will debate the Yale Political Union. The topic: Resolved: Yale should give up the liberal arts.

It’s likely that Dean Miller is currently carbo loading and that all the members of the YPU are shaving their bodies so as to be optimally aero dynamic for tomorrow’s bloodbath.

Many will play, few will win. This town ain’t  big enough for the two of them. With great power comes great responsibility. There can only be one. See you on the other side.

A man named Christopher Reeves was arrested while wearing a Superman shirt for possession of methamphetamine and driving under the influence.

Today is Fat Tuesday!

Celebrate by succumbing to all temptation!

Buy that extra large cup of Froyo.
Tell that guy his face looks like a thumb.
Crazy glue that person’s eyes shut.
Eat that whole bottle of Nair.
Remove that third nipple.
Steal that raincoat from Enson’s.
Quit that student organization.
Find that buried treasure!!!

When I collected Pokemon cards in kindergarten, it wasn’t just a hobby. It was a serious investment. It was a scientific fact that my cards were going to be worth a lot of money one day.

Fifteen years later, with Charizard hologram cards going for $60 on eBay, it would seem that that day had finally come.

I’m holding out. The market just isn’t where I want it to be and where I know it will be. I think it’s ridiculous to sell before I can get $100 for my Mew 2 hologram and $600 for my mint condition 100HP Clefable hologram. I don’t know what a 401k is, but it looks like I won’t need one.

Robin Thicke has agreed to sit in as a resident fella’ in a Grand Strategy lecture next Monday, March 3rd.

He will be discussing the principles of getting weird, going too far, being inappropriate, having fun, Sun Tzu’s Art of War, and fashion.

Hey, hey, hey, you never know.

Our website, like many of you, is getting ready for Myrtle. We just gave it a makeover that puts Britney Murphy’s in Clueless to shame!

Check it out!