You may not have divested from fossil fuel companies, but this ^^^ effin’ rocks.

Now I can read 20+ New York Times articles per month! And still feel guilty about reaping the benefits of money coming from planet-killing companies!

We all dyin’ anyway right?… Right??

Yup, it’s happening. The #WorldsACTUALMostTalkedAboutCouple is launching a tour that will start this June.

But beware: if you get tickets to a show, your future will be shrouded in grief. That concert will most definitely be your life’s peak. Marriage, children, or any major achievements will pale in comparison. Like if I get to see them perform “Drunk in Love” I swear my tears will turn to gold and my butt will fall off. I might explode after.

But it will be SO WORTH IT. Besides, I’ll probably explode into glitter or something.

Natural beauty Natalie Epstein hails from Los Angeles, California­. “Ya heard of it?” She asked me. Oh, I’ve heard of it.

And that was only the start to the sassiest conversation with this classic sophomore Classics major. “Maybe cognitive science too… I’m interested in studying how people perceive me.” I could tell this babe was going to be pretty interesting.

When I told Natalie she’d been selected as the Bullblog’s Crush of the Week, she was hardly surprised:

“… Yeah, by everyone right?”

No, just me. I am the selectress.

“Ok then, can I reject the offer…? I don’t even know you.”

We established that yes, I am a creep and yes, I did “crush” her solely to meet her. And with that out of the way, we started to talk about her interests. She loves her improv group Purple Crayon and likes to spend time taking baths. Steamy. A favorite hobby of hers is ”picking up tiny, tiny leaves.” I’m a stickler for details, so I inquired as to why.

“Well the ash trees… are the most beautiful trees in the forest. And you know that, because in the winter, the Ash trees go, ‘Ha Ha Ha…’ I don’t know if you get that reference, but its Lars Von Treeyary.”

That’s Lars Contriary? Larges Contrary? Lars and the Real Girl? Gosling? Gosling??

“Uhh yeah, Lars Vontriarys. One of my favorite filmmakers.”

When I asked about her thoughts on Lars von Trier’s newest film, Nymphomania, Natalie expressed that she was very uncomfortable when watching it, because von Trier actually based the movie on her life. Shocked, I jerked my head up from my notes, only to be confronted by the gaze of her baby blues/greens/teals. I had to mention them. They are beautiful! I clearly fumbled…

“Uh, my eyes? Carly, you know what? F this. Rumpus named me 50 most beautiful, and number one. They didn’t tell anyone else, but I was number one on the list, so they’re not going be very happy to hear I was even talking to another publication!”

So you’re exclusively endorsed by Rumpus?

“Clearly not. But I have no control over that–who endorses me–that is. Alright, I’m just gonna say it, the Herald and Rumpus are gonna have to duke it out.”

Hunger Games style? Doggie style?

“I don’t care what style!”

Natalie, the Katniss to the Bullblog’s Liam (we are NOT Team Peeta), is a diva of the highest order. We are waiting for YDN to confirm tournament brackets.

To wrap up my precious moments with Queen Natalie, I decided to test her wits with a game of word association.

Purple: “Egg.”

Blue: “Jean… Baabyyy…  I don’t know if you get that reference, it’s Lana del Ray.”

Vase: “The feeling you get… when you are about to turn a corner, and you KNOW you’re gonna run into someone.”

Daisy: “Ye-my… my… my own body.”

Tenderloin: “Tenderloin always stumps me…”

I had her at tenderloin, but she had me at hello. That’s all for our Crush of the Week, Natalie Epstein.

Cuz everyone is thinking it:

I AM SO DOWN FOR THE SUN

I AM SO DOWN FOR THE FLOWERING TREES THEY ARE SO COLORFUL WOW

I AM SO DOWN FOR THE GRASS LOOK AT IT IT’S TURNING VERY GREEN

DO I HAVE SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER IDK MAYBE PROBABLY

I AM SO HAPPY TAKE THIS ARTICLE FOR EXAMPLE NORMALLY I WOULD MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE/SOMETHING BY THIS POINT BUT I CANNOT CANNOT CANNOT

EVERYONE MEET ON CROSS CAMPUS AND SOMEONE BRING MUSIC LET’S PLAY

Marina Keegan ’12 wrote three stories as part of her senior project for the Writing Concentration. These stories, along with a collection of her essays will be published in a book titled The Opposite of Loneliness this week. 

There will be a book launch and reading this Wednesday, April 9th in memory and in celebration of the talented Yale graduate who passed two years ago.

The event will be at the Yale Bookstore at 6 pm.

When: April 9th at 4 pm

Where: Pierson Common Room

Why: Because Nussbaum is a TV critic for the New Yorker, so you can demand predictions about this season of The Good Wife. 

But what was funnier was how this website, Ace Showbiz, described the fight.  

Reportedly, the “brawl with a bunch of hobos” took place “after midnight” in “a dangerous neighborhood” in downtown LA. “It was the hardest I’ve ever been hit in my life,” Efron revealed. TUFF!

According to the site, the scuffle started when Efron, while waiting for his car to be towed because he ran out of gas (dumb), threw a glass bottle out the window (and dumber). It shattered “near a group of transients,” and the group of men (probably correctly) believed the drunk Efron was aiming the bottle at them.

O, Zac, what happened?? You were once a young athlete brave enough to reject the popular clique in the hopes of winning over queen of the nerd clique Gabriella! You proved that kids can do sportz AND theatre! You proved that the hierarchy of junior high can be leveled for YUNG LOVE!

We choose to remember you as that guy, Troy Bolton:

Good luck with your trial bae.

The Upbeat

Pony by Ginuwine (Viceroy remix)

This song is so profane and so funny. I miss Ginuwine. Clearly, Viceroy did too. The DJ produces great Disco-y remixes of popular music. Hope you dance to this over vacation!

The Downbeat

Funn by Cash+David

Cash+David are a duo from London. “Funn” is their first release, but it’s a promising start! The guitar riffs sound so nice behind their breathy voices. The music video is also very cool complement, and I can see where they get the band name! They’re workin the David Bowie ‘do.

If your mailbox is as perceptive as my mailbox is, then it automatically sorts every message from Classesv2, UCS, and Mary Miller into your junk folder. So you probably missed the incredible news:

Yale added another day to Reading Week! Shwiing! Now, we can pretend we’re studying for finals for a FULL week. Here are some ideas on how to procrastinate for seven days:

– Road trip to Canada. Smuggle something back.

– Go on a brief sabbatical to study meditation. Become a yogi.

– Do in-depth research on the relationship between college students and frozen yogurt. Publish it.

– Enter a sweepstakes for a Sandals weekend getaway. Invite me, cause it was my idea.

– Literally anything but read!

Thank you Mary/Yale. We students are very grateful for the full week and excited to try a pre-finals Master Cleanse.

What: Victoria Sambunaris, a Yale photography professor and great artist, is giving a quick talk tonight!

Where: Yale School of Art, GREEN hall. In the basement! Room B03

When: Friday (today) 6 pm-7pm.

Why: Because her work is very cool. Sambunaris received her MFA from Yale in 1999, and she teaches photography at Yale today. Each year, she takes a solo photographic journey across the United States. Her work studies the intersection of the American landscape with politics, culture, and more. Her work is held in tons of modern art museums today, including the MoMA.