Democrats have proposed a list of bills that threaten sacred Christian traditions of oppression. | Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons/user: MARCO N. POCHI

My fellow Christian brethren, it is time to grab thy pitchforks and Bibles, for the lawmakers at Capitol Hill are attempting to infringe upon our beliefs and livelihood. Those Obama-loving, no good communist Democrats are proposing a list of bills that would look to remove Christianity from Texas.

Thirteen bills regarding LGBTQ rights have been introduced to the Texas legislature, all proposed by Democrats.

A wave of democratic officials took office in the Texas House of Representatives replacing 12 occupant Republicans. But no need to fear, the “Grand Ole Party” still holds majority in both the House and Senate.

But those quibbling Democrats always have something to complain about. And this year, they’re looking to provide the LGBTQ community with equal rights.

Same-sex marriage

The federal government requires states to acknowledge same sex marriages. But two Texas taxpayers, Larry Hicks and Jack Pidgeon, found a loophole that would enable government entities to discriminate against these couples further by limiting benefits.

They argued that Texans would have to subsidize homosexual relationships, which they deemed were against their values as Christians.

So now, in what can only be deemed a direct attack on the Christian people of Texas, a group of politicians are proposing that these marriages be equal.

Conversion therapy

HB 517, which was introduced by state Rep. Celia Israel, District 50, (D-Austin,) looks to ban conversion therapy in our great state.

Conversion therapy is a completely real and valid scientific practice of changing one’s curved sexual orientation to straight-as-a-fiddle. It is usually performed by religious entities that use the good Lord’s word and immaculate therapy sessions to aid their righteous endeavor.

It should be our right as parents to subject our children to as much childhood trauma as we see fit.

Taking away the lifelong suffering we expose to our youth from being told, “you’re lying about your sexuality,” just doesn’t seem fair.

The government shouldn’t have a say in how we raise our children. And if we want to impress upon them the Christian faith and heterosexual values, we should have that right.

Prejudice reports

Another bill proposed by the despicable fellers in Austin will take away your right to call the police. Yes sir, you heard correct.

Calling the police because you feel threatened by a group of scallywags walking and talking in a manner that personally offends you is a right everyone should have.

The bill looking to overstep our “call the police because they look or act different than me” right is HB 595, which was brought forward by state Rep. John E. Rosenthal, (D-Houston).

The bill looks to inflict harsher punishments for false reports. It states that prejudice reports, “against a group identified by race, color, disability, religion, national origin or ancestry, age, gender, or sexual preference or by status as a peace officer or judge.”

Another bill looks to remove sodomy laws from the Texas’s penal code. The law was deemed unconstitutional in Lawrence v. Texas and can’t legally be enforced, but still remains on the books.

As you can see, the very foundation of our Texas values is under assault. Come all ye faithful, bring your guns and your Bibles. Bring the blood of the father, Miller Lite, and the body of the beloved, corn bread. Let us march for the capital hand in hand, as long as it’s the hand of someone from the opposite sex.

Wouldn’t want another cootie scare.

Assistant Opinion Editor Anthony Cianciulli is a broadcast journalism senior and can be reached at opinion@thedailycougar.com.

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“Hot Take Friday: Democrats look to remove Christianity from Texas” was originally posted on The Daily Cougar