Quiz: Which animal is your true summertime spirit floaty?
Summertime can only be summertime with pools and floaties. We at the Clog want to know: Which animal is your true spirit floaty? Take this quick quiz to find out!
- You’re home for the summer! Your dear mother asks you to do the laundry for her. Do you:
- Trick your dad into doing it for youDo it like a good child
- Say you’re going out for a bit and that you’ll do it later, but high-tail it back to Berkeley
- Dump it out the window
- Accidentally mix the reds and the whites
- Purposely bleach all the clothes so you can live out your Mr. Clean fantasies
- Do it but whine and complain the entire time
- Time for drinks! Your go-to is:
- Soda
- Purified water
- Some elaborate cocktail
- Capri Sun fruit punch
- Rosé
- Milk
- Boba
- What seems most appealing?
- The ocean filled with fish pee
- A community swimming pool
- A dirty puddle
- The plastic swimming pools that always break on “America’s Funniest Home Videos”
- Your bathtub
- You and a bro sitting in a hot tub 5 feet away from each other
- A 2-foot-wide creek that runs through the forest
- If you could dye your hair any color(s), it would be:
- Black
- Silver, like a fox
- A pastel rainbow
- An actual rainbow
- Mermaid colors
- Strips of ill-placed blond highlights
- Brown
- What is your least favorite part of the beach?
- Seeing a jellyfish in the water
- Seaweed brushing up against your feet while in the waves
- Stepping on twigs, branches and crusty potato chips sticking out of the sand
- Doggo poop
- Random pickup trucks barreling down the beach
- Crabs
- The 5 trillion pieces of trash that people leave behind coupled with acidification and eutrophication, slowly leading to the decline of the entire aquatic ecosystem and then mankind
- What is your favorite part of the beach?
- The soothing waters of the Pacific Ocean
- Sandcastles
- Beach doggos
- The beautiful juxtaposition of the cool water and the hot sun
- Barbecues
- Rest and relaxation
- Sexy tans
- Your (nonexistent) sibling just sold your most prized possession on Craigslist. What was it?
- A photo of you dumping red Gatorade on someone’s test while flashing a thumbs-up
- A teddy bear nanny cam
- A neon wig collection
- Your first losing lottery ticket
- A bottle of strawberry-scented bubbles
- Your framed first dollar earned, like Mr. Krabs
- A raccoon hat
- What’s your favorite conspiracy theory?
- MK-Ultra
- Um, I don’t do conspiracy theories
- The Illuminati are everywhere
- The Roswell incident
- The deep state
- Pizzagate
- Global warming
- Your friend wants you to try on a pair of high heels for them. You say:
- “Sure,” and then proceed to walk away with them
- “I can barely walk with my bare feet. Heels? Don’t think so!”
- “Strap me the fuck in!”
- “No thanks, Tom Hanks”
- “Only if you hold my hand, baby”
- “Do it yourself!”
- Nothing, and just stare
- You came into this world through your mama. How do you want to go out?
- Black-market Pokemon card deal gone wrong
- In your sleep after a long night of studying
- Drowning in a vat of fondue at a masquerade party
- Taken out by your pet robot in 40 years
- Riding a nuclear bomb down to Earth, whipping your cowboy hat around like the rodeo master you are
- Wiping out after doing a sick shred on the edge of a drained swimming pool
- Like Thelma and Louise
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- You’re a ssssssnake floaty! You’re a shady dude with a shady mood. You deserve a sneaky inflatable green creature to hopefully keep you afloat in your aquatic endeavors.
- You’re a duck floaty! You’re trusty, reliable, predictable — you’re also a basic bitch. Sorry.
- You’re a giraffe floaty! Your extraness can only be embodied by a long, elegant, inflatable neck with your legs wrapped around it as you gently traverse the waters of the deep end. You may get those spots mistaken for those of a brown cow.
- You’re a beetle floaty! You’re part spooky and part harmless, like a ladybug. Sometimes they pee on you.
- You’re a Clydesdale horse floaty! You’re the machoest macho man, you’re everyone’s trusty steed for the most part, and you definitely enjoy a little showboating every now and then (maybe).
- You’re a hippopotamus floaty! You may be lazy, but you do it in the most extravagant ways. Way to go, hon.
- You’re a unicorn floaty! You’re a rare gem to find, boo. Just the right mix of uncertainty, childhood dreams and glitter (whether or not you hate it). What a magical being.
Contact Pooja Bale at pbale@dailycal.org .