Comforting a friend who confides in you about sexual assault is a difficult situation. You may be overwhelmed and feel confused about how to help. Even the most well-intentioned people may unintentionally react in a way that only makes the survivor feel worse. But there are a few universal rules that can make a significant difference.

BB Beltran is the director of Sexual Assault Support Services, which offers a 24-hour hotline, support groups and legal assistance. She says that believing the survivor — and making it clear that you believe them — is the single most important way to help.

A classic wrongheaded response to an account of sexual assault is to suggest that the survivor was somehow to blame, either because of clothing choices, alcohol consumption, being out alone at night, talking to an unfamiliar person and so on. This kind of reaction can contribute to the development of depression or post-traumatic stress disorder, according to research from RAINN, the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence network.

Beltran says research shows that having a supportive network of friends can minimize trauma.

“I cannot overstate how crucial it is to believe survivors and tell them you believe them,” Beltran said.

Other essential items Beltran says to remember when helping a sexual assault survivor:

• Be a good listener and make them feel comfortable expressing how they feel.
• Validate that what they did to survive was right for them.
• Make sure they get medical attention.
• Respect the survivor’s choice of whether to report the assault.
• Help the survivor build social support so you aren’t overwhelmed.

It’s just as crucial to avoid saying or doing something that will make the survivor feel worse:

• Never blame survivors for the assault or make them feel ashamed about their experience.
• Don’t be judgmental and don’t let the friend self-blame. Explain that it’s not their fault.
• Don’t interrogate survivors. Don’t pick holes in their story or ask why they did something.
• Let survivors talk if they want to, but don’t force the subject.
• Don’t get impatient if survivors don’t “get over it” right away.

Survivors of sexual assault at the University of Oregon have a number of resources for reporting their assault both confidentially and non-confidentially.

It is important to note that all on-campus resources with the exception of the University Counseling and Testing Center are mandated to report instances of sexual assault that come to their attention. Off campus resources like SASS, Womenspace and off campus medical centers do not share that requirement.

Crisis Assistance
Office of the Dean of Students 541-346-3216
UO Police Department 541-346-2919
Eugene Police Department 541 682-5111
(SASS) Sexual Assault Support Services 541-484-6513
Womenspace 541-485-6513

Medical Care and forensic evidence collection
University Health Center 541 346-2770
University Hospital District Medical Center 541-686-7300
Sacred Heart Medical Center at RiverBend 541-222-7300
McKenzie WIllamette Medical Center 541-726-4400

On-Campus support
University Counseling and Testing Center 541-346-3227
Office of Students Conduct and Community Standards 541-346-1140
Office of Affirmative Action & Equal Opportunity 541-346-2971

Find additional resources at Safe.uoregon.edu or call the university crisis hotline at (541) 346-SAFE.