On the eve of Valentine’s day, many singles are desperately trying to woo a date. If those frantic singles are men, they might even turn to charity to impress the ladies.
A recent experiment published in the British Journal of Psychology attempts to shine a light on the selfish motives behind charitable acts. The study could have far-reaching implications for male self-delusion and might even provide insight into the infamous “friend zone.”
Individual male and female college students were separated and placed in a room alone or with either an attractive male or female observer. Participants were then given about $5 and were told they donate some, all or none of it to a group fund, which they could potentially be compensated for later.
Men and women averaged the same donation when watched by the same sex, but while women did not donate more when observed by an attractive man, men donated significantly more money when observed by an attractive female.
Advertisers and restaurant chains like Hooters and Twin Peaks are all too familiar with this facet of male psychology.
While there isn’t anything inherently wrong with men helping others in an attempt to help themselves, donating to charity in the hopes of impressing a girl isn’t exactly noble.
Guys looking to employ this strategy should manage their expectations. Donating to a girl’s favorite charity doesn’t entitle a guy to a girlfriend the same way buying a girl dinner or drinks does not obligate her to go home with you.
The study’s coauthors, Wendy Iredale and Mark Van Vugt, to explain the behavior of the men and women based on sexual selection and evolution.
Due to pregnancy and nursing, women are forced to invest much more time and energy into producing children than their male counterparts. To combat this, women may choose mates who seem like they would make good fathers rather than primarily focusing on sexual attractiveness.
The experimenters hypothesize altruistic acts are basically the peacock tail of the human world. Peacocks grow their large tails to show how strong and genetically fit they are, even though the tail is a huge waste of energy and makes the peacock more vulnerable to predators.
Altruistic acts in humans are also seemingly at odds with survival — at least for the individual, since it could mean giving up food or shelter to the less fortunate.
Many men try to attract women by showing off their nice clothes or expensive cars to prove their wealth, but charitable acts serve the dual purpose of displaying wealth and altruism at the same time.
One comment from Iredale suggests the study may have shown men’s capacity for self-delusion more than anything.
“The research shows that good deeds among men increase when presented with an opportunity to copulate.”
The “opportunity to copulate” Iredale referred to was a man sitting at a computer in a cubicle near an attractive woman — not exactly the most sexually charged atmosphere.
As a guy, I know how hard it can be to keep your head on straight around pretty girls, and I know I’ve made some boneheaded mistakes trying to impress girls who probably didn’t even notice what I was doing.
But seriously, the idea that dropping more of your $5 into a group fund will give you a shot with the girl doing a research study on you shows how willing we are as men to mislead ourselves.
While sometimes women are responsible for stringing men along, oftentimes being “friend-zoned” has more to do with men feeling entitled for sex or a relationship based on their actions.
Believing a woman owes you sex or a relationship for being a nice guy to her is sexist, and as men, we have to understand women have the same right as us: to be attracted to whomever they want.