For some, college independence can also become a time of sexual and dating experimentation. For others, it’s the place where relationships form and become marriages. Regardless of what students are looking for, college relationship dynamics are much different in level of commitment and expectations.
It seems more and more students are beginning their college careers already in a happy and successful relationship.
Anna Read, North Carolina State U. freshman, and Zach Whitley, NCSU freshman, had already been dating when the time for college admissions had rolled around. However, once they were in the new college environment, it was difficult to adjust.
“When we got here we broke up for probably two months because it was so different, especially since we came from a small town,” Read said. “Being submerged with all these different people, I was scared I would be held back if I was in a relationship.”
Fortunately these doubts did not last long as Whitley joined a fraternity on campus and Read admits she “really likes bow ties.”
With movies and television programs constantly showing viewers that true love begins while dating in college, it would seem that couples feel a bit more pressure in today’s society to truly consider their future when dating during these prime years.
“At this point I wouldn’t be dating someone unless I had a plan to marry them in the future,” Read said. “I want to get married not right after college, but maybe a year after I graduate. Why would you date someone right now unless you wanted that to be your future?”
In fact, even if they have not taken the next step, the line between what is or isn’t shared is quickly becoming blurred.
“I know his passwords and with us, it’s just accepted that if he doesn’t have money when we go out to dinner I will pay for it,” Read said. “It’s just a shared thing; what’s mine is his, and his is mine.”
So what about those that have already taken the plunge and said, “I do?”
For Devin Laing, NCSU junior, and Scott Laing, NCSU junior, marriage wasn’t a smothering or frightening idea.
“We talked about how we could wait, but honestly, if we knew we were going to get married, it was like a why not thing,” Devin said.
She and Scott got married in Dec. 2010 and are at the point in their relationship where they now share everything.
“I think it would be difficult to be married and still have separate bank and email accounts,” Scott said. “When you’re joining and combining things through the process of marriage, it’s easier to combine stuff.”
One might think that being married while still in college may be a hindrance toward an active social life or even studies. However, for the Laings, this is not the case. “We’re boring,” Devin said. “We have married people friends now.”
With going out and partying not a priority, the Laings find companionship among other married couples in the area.
“The concept of ‘peer’ stretches,” Scott said. “It’s blurred when you get married.”
On the other end of the spectrum however, are those who feel keeping a marriage together through college may be the challenge in itself. “If you want to maintain a relationship, communication is obvious,” Devin said. “You really have to be open to communicating with each other and not just living your own life because it’s not just you anymore.”
Having the opportunity to live with each other in these first few years of marriage is also extremely important.
“You don’t have to make time to see each other,” Scott said.
As far as expectations go, each spouse should have an understanding of what they want to get out of the relationship prior to engaging in a long-term commitment.
“Whenever the relationship starts, setting some ground rules about what you want to get out of the relationship, where you want it to go, its purpose,” Scott said.
In addition, dating in college can be just as difficult as marriage. There are added pressures and expectations that students may encounter.
“There is definitely more pressure to have sex,” Melissa Botiglione, NCSU freshman, said. “College is more serious because if you don’t see yourself with that person [in the future] then there’s no point in being in a relationship.”
So it seems that students have some moral questions to consider when entering or leaving a new relationship.
And, for those ready to tie the knot, a word of advice; “Don’t try to plan a wedding in 5 months,” Devin said. “And if you try to move your wedding up everyone will assume you’re pregnant.”