Hi. My name is Holly, and I’m an uncircumcised-penis virgin.
Not only have I not had sex with one, but I’ve also never encountered one in an up-close and personal setting. I’m a Jewish girl from a town with kosher delis on every corner. My lack of experience with corndogs as opposed to Hebrew Nationals is not surprising. After discussing the matter with my housemates, I get the feeling I’m not alone.
“I would scream and run away” was their general consensus as to how they would react when stumbling upon a hooded bandit. If you’re ever in this situation, don’t do that. You’ll look like a lunatic and make the poor kid cry.
To all of you ladies and gents who plan on floating through your carnal voyage without touching unedited manhood, think again. Times are a-changin’, and unless you’re celibate, odds are that it’s going to happen. From 2006 to 2009, the rate of circumcision in the United States has actually dropped from 56 to 32.5 percent. That’s a lot.
These numbers may be unsettling for newbies like me. But in reality, my fear of uncircumcised wieners is almost as ridiculous as the fear of my uncle’s beard. After adding to my lengthy list of bizarre Google searches (most recently “what are these strawberries doing on my nipples?”), I’ve realized there are scarier things than uncut penises. Like lawn gnomes and Nancy Pelosi.
On the night of your encounter with Mr. Turtleneck, fear not. You may not even mind a little foreskin in your sex life; I have a friend who dated an uncircumcised guy for over a year and didn’t even notice a difference until he mentioned it. So take a deep breath, don’t think too much and be careful with your teeth — that extra layer of skin is a tad more sensitive. If it smells a little funky, either deal with it or politely direct him toward the shower. Unless you’re a religious pineapple eater, your “eau de ladyparts” probably isn’t too great either.
The next time you’re cringing at the thought of foreskin in your foreplay, don’t knock it till you try it. A healthy sex life requires being open. Not just your legs, but your mind too.