This article goes out to all the broke college students, embittered by the empty wallet of an unemployed summer. Your financial solution has finally arrived. I’m here to tell you about a fiscally and altruistically rewarding experience that can change lives and replenish your bank account.

Just sit back, relax and take off your pants. Behind the button and zipper lies a fertile gold mine waiting to be purged of its bounty. I’m not talking about dirty alleyways and gold-toothed pimps, I’m talking about the dependable sterility of latex gloves — the sperm and egg trade.

Google “sperm and egg donation,” and you’ll find the market for these essential baby-making utilities is booming. In 0.20 seconds, you can encounter just under a quarter of a million sites dedicated to unveiling the how-to and know-how behind the business of assisted reproduction.

Although egg donors tend to yield more profit than their sperm-y counterparts, both parties must still undergo a rigorous evaluation process, which includes an interview (sometimes several) followed by thorough psychological and physical testing.

According to spermbank.com, men should expect to make a six-month commitment when deciding to donate. If the sample they provide is deemed A-OK and all other tests have come back with a mark of approval, the sperm bank might ask for the donor to keep on giving throughout this six-month timeframe.

Although spermbank.com says guys can make $35 to $50 per sample, other smaller agencies offer up to $1000 for just a few samples. It would probably be wise to do your research before agreeing to make magic happen — in a paper cup — in a back alley — for $60. Even though sperm banks are FDA-regulated, other agencies might not be held to the same standards and oversight.

Now ladies, you’ll be happy to hear your eggs can make you anywhere from $5000 to $10,000 a pop, with reported cases in the high tens of thousands. Although the process requires a varying time commitment (according to fertility.com, it can take around eight weeks after a match has been found), there is more to it than simply spreading your legs in some stirrups. You must attend screening appointments, receive shots of follicle-stimulating hormones and endure the PMS-like side effects that go along with the whole ordeal.

I never said selling the fruit of your loins was going to be simple; I only promised you a racy method of making bank without needing to oil your brain.

But what if you do have well-oiled brains? A good athletic record? Luxurious hair? Well, you’re in luck! Thanks to our growing societal desire for perfection, you can use your personal traits as solid marketing skills. Beyond the plain page design of sperm banks’ websites and reproductive societies exists a world of smiling, happy families and pun-tastic titles.

The eggceptional.com home page is adorned with a professional model’s photograph, artfully cropped right before we can see her cleavage. She is one of their many steamy donors. The rest of the database is sneakily hidden from regular visitors. In order to dig deeper into eggceptional’s arsenal of stunning babes with good SAT scores, you have to fill out a form and wait to be contacted. I’m waiting for my call.

Now you know, the world is begging for you bright-eyed college students to help make someone else’s dream come true. Yet, being a sperm and egg “donor” is a bit more than the blunt technicalities I’ve laid out.

Although you’re not legally bound to the child you might potentially create, you are nonetheless entering the confusing realm of bioethics. Selling potential life to the highest bidder in order to afford spring break this year might be pushing science too far.

We have an amazing opportunity to give able-bodied people the baby they could not have otherwise. Yet, where do we draw the moral line between what we can legally do in this life and what we should do? Do we agree to live in a world where genetic handpicking and human desperation fuel the business of life? Or do we demand a system overhaul and simply stop the creation of test tube existence altogether?