Author Archives | webeditor

Video: “How long should you wait to have sex in a relationship?”

As part of The Cougar’s Sex Edition, we spoke with students about the appropriate time to initiate sex in a relationship.


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Video: “What’s the deal with sidepieces?”

As part of The Cougar’s Sex Edition, we spoke with several UH student about what it means to be a side piece.


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Why we chose not to talk about rape in the Sex Edition

You might be wondering why we aren’t addressing some of the darker topics of sex, namely rape and other forms of sexual assault. We are on a college campus, and those are problems that residents may face.

But sexual assault isn’t sex. It’s not a positive experience shared by two (or more) individuals with full consent — it’s an act of violence. This week’s issue isn’t meant to spotlight violence, though sexual assault is important and should be addressed.

This week’s issue is intended to highlight what can and should be a positive and engaging experience at all times. It’s an experience where you learn more about yourself and others.

So don’t think we’re ignoring the issue; it’s as near to us as it is to our readers and those who wish to see the issue of sexual assault eliminated.

If all you think about when you hear about sex on a college campus is the various ways someone could be sexually assaulted, we’re glad you’re reading this issue.

You should know that the only kind of sex we’re talking about is the “good” kind, and that’s whatever kind of sex you prefer with a willing, enthused partner. Kink, bondage, role-playing, costumes, sex toys and whatever else you prefer can all fall within the bounds of “good” sex.

And the awkward, messy, clumsy sex that so many of us are still learning to navigate is “good” sex in our eyes, because it’s the kind of sex built on consent and mutual pleasure.

This issue is for situations you’re prepared for, situations you anticipate with consent. This issue is for light conversations and deep thinking.

The Sex Edition is for those who want a good look at how we think a sexual experience should be: positive, fulfilling and one that starts with consent.

— The Cougar Editorial Board


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Welcome to The Cougar: Sex Edition

Chris Luong and Suzie Nguyen/The Cougar

Chris Luong and Suzie Nguyen/The Cougar

If you follow us on social media, then you’ve been in on the secret — this week’s copy of The Cougar is a little different.

We present to our readers The Cougar: Sex Edition, which explores everything from the definition of virginity and sex in the media to contraceptive options and sex shops around Houston. Sex is a major part of the college experience for many UH students. We hope to clear up some common misconceptions, explain labels like “asexual” and “cisgender” that you might not know or understand. Most importantly, we hope to open the dialogue to discuss an experience that most of us are only just beginning to become familiar with.

To dive into the stories we’ve been working on all semester, click here. Use the hashtag #coogsexedition to join the conversation on social media, and enjoy!

-The Cougar Editorial Board


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Don’t overthink it: Thoughts about thoughts during sex

thoughts during sex

Infographic by Alex Tomic

Discussing sex with many students showed people are more concerned with performance and appearance than with pleasure.

Enjoy the moment

People tend to focus more on making sure what they are doing is right rather than on enjoyment when it comes to sexual or romantic interactions. During sex, a person is generally more concerned about whether what they’re doing is right, doubting their ability to please the other. Sex becomes less enjoyable if a participant can’t shake the idea of doing it wrong, and people are increasingly fearful of letting someone down rather than enjoying the moment for what it is.

It’s not about the looks

Sex isn’t all about what someone looks like before, during or after, but nevertheless it is common to question one’s personal appearance in the bedroom. Guys worry about their muscles or lack thereof; girls think back to if they shaved that morning — it’s becoming more difficult for two people to feel comfortable in their own skin. Harkening back to the enjoyment of sexual and romantic activities, you can’t enjoy what you’re doing unless you clear your mind of negative thoughts and anxieties.

Now, this isn’t to say that someone shouldn’t take care of himself when it comes to personal hygiene, but ease up on self-criticism. Sexual and other romantic activities should be a time where two people can enjoy themselves together instead of worrying whether they are measuring up to some unwritten rules or imaginary standards.


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Picking the right birth control in a sea of options

Contraception is an important part of engaging in safe, consensual sex, but there are so many forms of contraception available today that it can be daunting to figure out what’s right for you. Talk to your doctor and check out the list below for quick facts on the pros and cons of each major form of birth control.


Pictured right is health senior Brittney Onyia.
Her sweater and watch are from Forever 21; her T-shirt is from Papaya; her jeans are DD’s; her shoes are from H&M; and her jewelry is from Zale’s.


IMG_5583

Brittney Onyia | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

Brittney Onyia: My boyfriend is planning it. We’re going to get our nails done, go to dinner, go shopping and go see a movie. I kind of want to go to The Cheesecake Factory just because I love their cheesecake, and there’s a pasta I really like too.

TC: How did you and your boyfriend meet?

BO: We met in our senior year of high school… in English class. When we first met, we didn’t like each other. He would always pick on me and call me names. After that we started hanging out, and it just kind of changed after a while — we just clicked. On Valentine’s Day it will be four years. It’s a big event for us.

TC: Congratulations! How would you describe yourselves? Are you guys opposites?

BO: We’re complete opposites actually. In high school, he played football. He’s the jock, and I did theater. I completely didn’t care about sports at all. It’s still the same now: he cares about his sports and basketball, and I’m really artsy.

TC: How would you describe your views on love?

BO: I don’t know, I feel like I’m a romantic kind of person. You see somebody, you fall in love. Not love at first sight, but you kinda just know.

TC: What would you say to a jaded person who may disagree?

BO: They haven’t found the right one yet. Even if you haven’t found them in your 20’s or 30’s, you’ll find them eventually.

TC: Do you believe you can have more than one soulmate?

BO: You could think you’re in love with someone, but a whole new person could actually be your true soulmate. You could find them years and years after being with someone else.

Pictured left is psychology junior David Carter.
His hat was purchased online; his glasses are Ray-Bans; his shirt is from PacSun; his pants are from Hot Topic; and his shoes are from Journey.

IMG_5524

David Carter | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

David Carter: I’m actually going to cook dinner for me and my girlfriend, rent a movie for us to watch afterward… my nights in general end up with me rubbing her feet.

TC: How did you and your girlfriend meet?

DC: My girlfriend and I met for the first time in high school; I was friends with her older sister. More recently, though, I went into the Hot Topic that she manages to buy some plugs, and we kinda just hit it off. I’m actually very oblivious, so she had to basically spell it out that she had a thing for me since high school.

TC: How would you describe yourselves — is it opposites attract or do you guys have many common interests?

DC: I like to believe we are right in the middle when it comes to opposites attract. We do have some major differences but on some things we are just similar enough to really butt heads.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DC: I do believe in soulmates. I think that you can fall in love multiple times, but that there is one person on this planet meant for you.

TC: Do you feel your parents’ relationship influences your view on love?

DC: I strongly feel my parents influenced how I view love. My dad has gone to hell and back, and my mom stood by his side the whole time, even though it was, in turn, torture for herself. She loved him and felt that it was more important.

Pictured right is advertising senior Natalya Miranda.
Her floral shirt is from Hollister; her jeans are Bershka (Spain); and her shoes are from YesStyle.

IMG_5747

Natalya Miranda | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?

Natalya Miranda: I am 25 and am married. My husband is British and here it’s a big thing, but I’m from Colombia, and we have another day. We celebrate it in September. It’s called Del Amor y la Amistad, a day for love and friendship. You give candy to your friends. This Valentine’s Day we want to go to San Antonio (and) Six Flags.

TC: How long have you been married? How would you describe yourselves?

NM: We’ve been married for a year and a half. We’re opposites in the little stuff. The big things, like values, we share the same. I think that’s important. He loves to go out and drink; I like to read. We’re both extroverts, but he’s really social. He’s like an old man and I’m like a little girl. When we go out, he always has to have the perfect suit — you know how Europeans dress. And I’m like here with purple hair and tattoos.

TC: Do you consider yourself more of a free spirit?

NM: Yes, definitely. And he cares more about money than I do. We can take care of each other. I make him think about something different that isn’t work, and he makes me more responsible.

TC: Do you feel your views on love were influenced by your parents?

NM: Yeah. It doesn’t mean that if your parents had a bad relationship, you will. It’s more that you learn from it. My parents got divorced, but they took so long to get a divorce. So if I’m not happy, I’m going to get a divorce. I think it does affect you a lot. It also depends on how you start the relationship. You don’t love every person the same way.

TC: What are some big differences between dating in America versus in Columbia?

NM: In Columbia, you meet people through friends and dancing in clubs. Guys will ask you politely if you want to dance, then you talk some more. Guys don’t do all the work of planning dates and hitting on you. Another thing is that guys are very rude here. I feel like it is difficult to have male friends, because if you show no interest in a relationship and you tell them clearly nothing is going to happen, they just stop talking to you.

TC: What advice would you give to readers on love?

NM: For people out there, and maybe it sounds cliche, but you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. You cannot make anyone happy, and no one can make you happy, but you can decide to be happy together.

Pictured left is construction management junior Darcy Gomez.
Her jeans are from Abercrombie; her shoes are from Payless; and her watch was purchased on eBay.

IMG951163

Darcy Gomez | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

Darcy Gomez: One of my best friends recently converted to Mormonism, so he’s getting baptized on Saturday. I will be attending that with two of my best friends at this beautiful church and going to dinner afterwards. My girlfriends are my valentines this year.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DG: Hmm.. I’m not sure. I believe a person can have multiple “soulmates” — either a best friend or a partner. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your soulmate are meant to be together, it just means you have a strong bond. I believe in soul sisters. My best friend is my soul sister. I can tell her anything and everything without being judged. I can be weird with her and not feel ashamed. I know I can call or text her whenever — like at 3 a.m. — and that she’ll always be there for me. She’s the best.

TC: What do you think makes up a great relationship?

DG: I’ve never been in a relationship before. Shocking, I know. But all I’ve ever wanted was to be able to trust someone, for them to be honest, have a good sense of humor and have a few similar interests. What makes a good relationship would be to motivate each other, respect, trust and most importantly, communication is key! Not just texting. Face to face communication is so important! I hate it when a guy won’t try to strike up a conversation in person but will talk for hours on IM. A lot of guys don’t know how to make a genuine effort anymore. They resort to texting out of convenience.

TC: Do you find your friends or family’s relationships affect your views on love?

DG: Yes! My parents, of course. They’ve been together for 32 years and are still going strong. They are seriously best friends. They have a routine. It’s so cute. My dad gets home around 6, and they both sit on the couch and watch TV and talk for hours. Every day — it never fails. They argue and make up just like any other married couple, but I know they love each other to death. My sister and her fiance as well. They come from different cultures, yet (they) are perfect for each other. One day, I want to have what my parents and sister and her fiance have.

TC: What advice on love would you give to young girls out there?

DG: I would tell them the same thing my parents told me: To not depend on a guy and be independent! You don’t need a guy to be happy. Trust me. Learn to love yourself and have fun! Go out with your friends, travel, laugh, and don’t let a guy be the reason for your happiness. Be smart when dating. Don’t settle. You shouldn’t ever have to feel like you need to prove yourself. They should accept you the way you are and be proud to be with you. You’re worth so much more than just a simple “I love you.” Don’t believe everything they tell you, and don’t fall so easily.


Function: Refraining from having sexual intercourse or any form of sexual contact.

Pros: While there are a variety of reasons for practicing abstinence, the most popular may be this one: abstinence is the only fully effective form of birth control and prevents transfer of sexually transmitted diseases.

Cons: You don’t have sex.

Effectiveness: 100%

Pictured left is psychology junior David Carter.
His hat was purchased online; his glasses are Ray-Bans; his shirt is from PacSun; his pants are from Hot Topic; and his shoes are from Journey.

IMG_5524

David Carter | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

David Carter: I’m actually going to cook dinner for me and my girlfriend, rent a movie for us to watch afterward… my nights in general end up with me rubbing her feet.

TC: How did you and your girlfriend meet?

DC: My girlfriend and I met for the first time in high school; I was friends with her older sister. More recently, though, I went into the Hot Topic that she manages to buy some plugs, and we kinda just hit it off. I’m actually very oblivious, so she had to basically spell it out that she had a thing for me since high school.

TC: How would you describe yourselves — is it opposites attract or do you guys have many common interests?

DC: I like to believe we are right in the middle when it comes to opposites attract. We do have some major differences but on some things we are just similar enough to really butt heads.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DC: I do believe in soulmates. I think that you can fall in love multiple times, but that there is one person on this planet meant for you.

TC: Do you feel your parents’ relationship influences your view on love?

DC: I strongly feel my parents influenced how I view love. My dad has gone to hell and back, and my mom stood by his side the whole time, even though it was, in turn, torture for herself. She loved him and felt that it was more important.

Pictured right is advertising senior Natalya Miranda.
Her floral shirt is from Hollister; her jeans are Bershka (Spain); and her shoes are from YesStyle.

IMG_5747

Natalya Miranda | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?

Natalya Miranda: I am 25 and am married. My husband is British and here it’s a big thing, but I’m from Colombia, and we have another day. We celebrate it in September. It’s called Del Amor y la Amistad, a day for love and friendship. You give candy to your friends. This Valentine’s Day we want to go to San Antonio (and) Six Flags.

TC: How long have you been married? How would you describe yourselves?

NM: We’ve been married for a year and a half. We’re opposites in the little stuff. The big things, like values, we share the same. I think that’s important. He loves to go out and drink; I like to read. We’re both extroverts, but he’s really social. He’s like an old man and I’m like a little girl. When we go out, he always has to have the perfect suit — you know how Europeans dress. And I’m like here with purple hair and tattoos.

TC: Do you consider yourself more of a free spirit?

NM: Yes, definitely. And he cares more about money than I do. We can take care of each other. I make him think about something different that isn’t work, and he makes me more responsible.

TC: Do you feel your views on love were influenced by your parents?

NM: Yeah. It doesn’t mean that if your parents had a bad relationship, you will. It’s more that you learn from it. My parents got divorced, but they took so long to get a divorce. So if I’m not happy, I’m going to get a divorce. I think it does affect you a lot. It also depends on how you start the relationship. You don’t love every person the same way.

TC: What are some big differences between dating in America versus in Columbia?

NM: In Columbia, you meet people through friends and dancing in clubs. Guys will ask you politely if you want to dance, then you talk some more. Guys don’t do all the work of planning dates and hitting on you. Another thing is that guys are very rude here. I feel like it is difficult to have male friends, because if you show no interest in a relationship and you tell them clearly nothing is going to happen, they just stop talking to you.

TC: What advice would you give to readers on love?

NM: For people out there, and maybe it sounds cliche, but you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. You cannot make anyone happy, and no one can make you happy, but you can decide to be happy together.

Pictured left is construction management junior Darcy Gomez.
Her jeans are from Abercrombie; her shoes are from Payless; and her watch was purchased on eBay.

IMG951163

Darcy Gomez | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

Darcy Gomez: One of my best friends recently converted to Mormonism, so he’s getting baptized on Saturday. I will be attending that with two of my best friends at this beautiful church and going to dinner afterwards. My girlfriends are my valentines this year.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DG: Hmm.. I’m not sure. I believe a person can have multiple “soulmates” — either a best friend or a partner. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your soulmate are meant to be together, it just means you have a strong bond. I believe in soul sisters. My best friend is my soul sister. I can tell her anything and everything without being judged. I can be weird with her and not feel ashamed. I know I can call or text her whenever — like at 3 a.m. — and that she’ll always be there for me. She’s the best.

TC: What do you think makes up a great relationship?

DG: I’ve never been in a relationship before. Shocking, I know. But all I’ve ever wanted was to be able to trust someone, for them to be honest, have a good sense of humor and have a few similar interests. What makes a good relationship would be to motivate each other, respect, trust and most importantly, communication is key! Not just texting. Face to face communication is so important! I hate it when a guy won’t try to strike up a conversation in person but will talk for hours on IM. A lot of guys don’t know how to make a genuine effort anymore. They resort to texting out of convenience.

TC: Do you find your friends or family’s relationships affect your views on love?

DG: Yes! My parents, of course. They’ve been together for 32 years and are still going strong. They are seriously best friends. They have a routine. It’s so cute. My dad gets home around 6, and they both sit on the couch and watch TV and talk for hours. Every day — it never fails. They argue and make up just like any other married couple, but I know they love each other to death. My sister and her fiance as well. They come from different cultures, yet (they) are perfect for each other. One day, I want to have what my parents and sister and her fiance have.

TC: What advice on love would you give to young girls out there?

DG: I would tell them the same thing my parents told me: To not depend on a guy and be independent! You don’t need a guy to be happy. Trust me. Learn to love yourself and have fun! Go out with your friends, travel, laugh, and don’t let a guy be the reason for your happiness. Be smart when dating. Don’t settle. You shouldn’t ever have to feel like you need to prove yourself. They should accept you the way you are and be proud to be with you. You’re worth so much more than just a simple “I love you.” Don’t believe everything they tell you, and don’t fall so easily.


Function: There are two types of birth control pills: combination and extended-cycle. Each has its own special characteristics, but both perform the same job — they keep a woman’s ovaries from releasing an egg, which prevents sperm from joining with an egg. A woman’s cervical mucus also becomes thicker, further inhibiting sperm from achieving their goal.

Pros: Being on the pill doesn’t slow things down when you’re hot and ready, and they can help reduce other medical conditions, such as acne and endometriosis.

Cons:  Because of the hormones, pills are known to cause weight gain, sore breasts, lighter periods and nausea. Users may also have a hard time remembering to take them at the same time every day.

Effectiveness: 99%

Pictured left is psychology junior David Carter.
His hat was purchased online; his glasses are Ray-Bans; his shirt is from PacSun; his pants are from Hot Topic; and his shoes are from Journey.

IMG_5524

David Carter | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

David Carter: I’m actually going to cook dinner for me and my girlfriend, rent a movie for us to watch afterward… my nights in general end up with me rubbing her feet.

TC: How did you and your girlfriend meet?

DC: My girlfriend and I met for the first time in high school; I was friends with her older sister. More recently, though, I went into the Hot Topic that she manages to buy some plugs, and we kinda just hit it off. I’m actually very oblivious, so she had to basically spell it out that she had a thing for me since high school.

TC: How would you describe yourselves — is it opposites attract or do you guys have many common interests?

DC: I like to believe we are right in the middle when it comes to opposites attract. We do have some major differences but on some things we are just similar enough to really butt heads.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DC: I do believe in soulmates. I think that you can fall in love multiple times, but that there is one person on this planet meant for you.

TC: Do you feel your parents’ relationship influences your view on love?

DC: I strongly feel my parents influenced how I view love. My dad has gone to hell and back, and my mom stood by his side the whole time, even though it was, in turn, torture for herself. She loved him and felt that it was more important.

Pictured right is advertising senior Natalya Miranda.
Her floral shirt is from Hollister; her jeans are Bershka (Spain); and her shoes are from YesStyle.

IMG_5747

Natalya Miranda | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?

Natalya Miranda: I am 25 and am married. My husband is British and here it’s a big thing, but I’m from Colombia, and we have another day. We celebrate it in September. It’s called Del Amor y la Amistad, a day for love and friendship. You give candy to your friends. This Valentine’s Day we want to go to San Antonio (and) Six Flags.

TC: How long have you been married? How would you describe yourselves?

NM: We’ve been married for a year and a half. We’re opposites in the little stuff. The big things, like values, we share the same. I think that’s important. He loves to go out and drink; I like to read. We’re both extroverts, but he’s really social. He’s like an old man and I’m like a little girl. When we go out, he always has to have the perfect suit — you know how Europeans dress. And I’m like here with purple hair and tattoos.

TC: Do you consider yourself more of a free spirit?

NM: Yes, definitely. And he cares more about money than I do. We can take care of each other. I make him think about something different that isn’t work, and he makes me more responsible.

TC: Do you feel your views on love were influenced by your parents?

NM: Yeah. It doesn’t mean that if your parents had a bad relationship, you will. It’s more that you learn from it. My parents got divorced, but they took so long to get a divorce. So if I’m not happy, I’m going to get a divorce. I think it does affect you a lot. It also depends on how you start the relationship. You don’t love every person the same way.

TC: What are some big differences between dating in America versus in Columbia?

NM: In Columbia, you meet people through friends and dancing in clubs. Guys will ask you politely if you want to dance, then you talk some more. Guys don’t do all the work of planning dates and hitting on you. Another thing is that guys are very rude here. I feel like it is difficult to have male friends, because if you show no interest in a relationship and you tell them clearly nothing is going to happen, they just stop talking to you.

TC: What advice would you give to readers on love?

NM: For people out there, and maybe it sounds cliche, but you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. You cannot make anyone happy, and no one can make you happy, but you can decide to be happy together.

Pictured left is construction management junior Darcy Gomez.
Her jeans are from Abercrombie; her shoes are from Payless; and her watch was purchased on eBay.

IMG951163

Darcy Gomez | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

Darcy Gomez: One of my best friends recently converted to Mormonism, so he’s getting baptized on Saturday. I will be attending that with two of my best friends at this beautiful church and going to dinner afterwards. My girlfriends are my valentines this year.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DG: Hmm.. I’m not sure. I believe a person can have multiple “soulmates” — either a best friend or a partner. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your soulmate are meant to be together, it just means you have a strong bond. I believe in soul sisters. My best friend is my soul sister. I can tell her anything and everything without being judged. I can be weird with her and not feel ashamed. I know I can call or text her whenever — like at 3 a.m. — and that she’ll always be there for me. She’s the best.

TC: What do you think makes up a great relationship?

DG: I’ve never been in a relationship before. Shocking, I know. But all I’ve ever wanted was to be able to trust someone, for them to be honest, have a good sense of humor and have a few similar interests. What makes a good relationship would be to motivate each other, respect, trust and most importantly, communication is key! Not just texting. Face to face communication is so important! I hate it when a guy won’t try to strike up a conversation in person but will talk for hours on IM. A lot of guys don’t know how to make a genuine effort anymore. They resort to texting out of convenience.

TC: Do you find your friends or family’s relationships affect your views on love?

DG: Yes! My parents, of course. They’ve been together for 32 years and are still going strong. They are seriously best friends. They have a routine. It’s so cute. My dad gets home around 6, and they both sit on the couch and watch TV and talk for hours. Every day — it never fails. They argue and make up just like any other married couple, but I know they love each other to death. My sister and her fiance as well. They come from different cultures, yet (they) are perfect for each other. One day, I want to have what my parents and sister and her fiance have.

TC: What advice on love would you give to young girls out there?

DG: I would tell them the same thing my parents told me: To not depend on a guy and be independent! You don’t need a guy to be happy. Trust me. Learn to love yourself and have fun! Go out with your friends, travel, laugh, and don’t let a guy be the reason for your happiness. Be smart when dating. Don’t settle. You shouldn’t ever have to feel like you need to prove yourself. They should accept you the way you are and be proud to be with you. You’re worth so much more than just a simple “I love you.” Don’t believe everything they tell you, and don’t fall so easily.


Function: Also known as the NuvaRing, this transparent ring is inserted into a woman’s vagina and releases hormones every day for four weeks.

Pros: While it serves the same function as a pill, all side effects seen with birth control pills are lessened with a vaginal ring. 

Cons: It’s a one-size-fits-all ring, so some women may have a hard time if it is not inserted correctly. There are also several conditions that make it unsafe for women to use the ring, including as long-term diabetes, liver disease and uncontrolled high blood pressure, so be sure to talk to your doctor about whether it’s safe for you to use the vaginal ring.

Effectiveness: 91%

Pictured left is psychology junior David Carter.
His hat was purchased online; his glasses are Ray-Bans; his shirt is from PacSun; his pants are from Hot Topic; and his shoes are from Journey.

IMG_5524

David Carter | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

David Carter: I’m actually going to cook dinner for me and my girlfriend, rent a movie for us to watch afterward… my nights in general end up with me rubbing her feet.

TC: How did you and your girlfriend meet?

DC: My girlfriend and I met for the first time in high school; I was friends with her older sister. More recently, though, I went into the Hot Topic that she manages to buy some plugs, and we kinda just hit it off. I’m actually very oblivious, so she had to basically spell it out that she had a thing for me since high school.

TC: How would you describe yourselves — is it opposites attract or do you guys have many common interests?

DC: I like to believe we are right in the middle when it comes to opposites attract. We do have some major differences but on some things we are just similar enough to really butt heads.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DC: I do believe in soulmates. I think that you can fall in love multiple times, but that there is one person on this planet meant for you.

TC: Do you feel your parents’ relationship influences your view on love?

DC: I strongly feel my parents influenced how I view love. My dad has gone to hell and back, and my mom stood by his side the whole time, even though it was, in turn, torture for herself. She loved him and felt that it was more important.

Pictured right is advertising senior Natalya Miranda.
Her floral shirt is from Hollister; her jeans are Bershka (Spain); and her shoes are from YesStyle.

IMG_5747

Natalya Miranda | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?

Natalya Miranda: I am 25 and am married. My husband is British and here it’s a big thing, but I’m from Colombia, and we have another day. We celebrate it in September. It’s called Del Amor y la Amistad, a day for love and friendship. You give candy to your friends. This Valentine’s Day we want to go to San Antonio (and) Six Flags.

TC: How long have you been married? How would you describe yourselves?

NM: We’ve been married for a year and a half. We’re opposites in the little stuff. The big things, like values, we share the same. I think that’s important. He loves to go out and drink; I like to read. We’re both extroverts, but he’s really social. He’s like an old man and I’m like a little girl. When we go out, he always has to have the perfect suit — you know how Europeans dress. And I’m like here with purple hair and tattoos.

TC: Do you consider yourself more of a free spirit?

NM: Yes, definitely. And he cares more about money than I do. We can take care of each other. I make him think about something different that isn’t work, and he makes me more responsible.

TC: Do you feel your views on love were influenced by your parents?

NM: Yeah. It doesn’t mean that if your parents had a bad relationship, you will. It’s more that you learn from it. My parents got divorced, but they took so long to get a divorce. So if I’m not happy, I’m going to get a divorce. I think it does affect you a lot. It also depends on how you start the relationship. You don’t love every person the same way.

TC: What are some big differences between dating in America versus in Columbia?

NM: In Columbia, you meet people through friends and dancing in clubs. Guys will ask you politely if you want to dance, then you talk some more. Guys don’t do all the work of planning dates and hitting on you. Another thing is that guys are very rude here. I feel like it is difficult to have male friends, because if you show no interest in a relationship and you tell them clearly nothing is going to happen, they just stop talking to you.

TC: What advice would you give to readers on love?

NM: For people out there, and maybe it sounds cliche, but you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. You cannot make anyone happy, and no one can make you happy, but you can decide to be happy together.

Pictured left is construction management junior Darcy Gomez.
Her jeans are from Abercrombie; her shoes are from Payless; and her watch was purchased on eBay.

IMG951163

Darcy Gomez | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

Darcy Gomez: One of my best friends recently converted to Mormonism, so he’s getting baptized on Saturday. I will be attending that with two of my best friends at this beautiful church and going to dinner afterwards. My girlfriends are my valentines this year.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DG: Hmm.. I’m not sure. I believe a person can have multiple “soulmates” — either a best friend or a partner. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your soulmate are meant to be together, it just means you have a strong bond. I believe in soul sisters. My best friend is my soul sister. I can tell her anything and everything without being judged. I can be weird with her and not feel ashamed. I know I can call or text her whenever — like at 3 a.m. — and that she’ll always be there for me. She’s the best.

TC: What do you think makes up a great relationship?

DG: I’ve never been in a relationship before. Shocking, I know. But all I’ve ever wanted was to be able to trust someone, for them to be honest, have a good sense of humor and have a few similar interests. What makes a good relationship would be to motivate each other, respect, trust and most importantly, communication is key! Not just texting. Face to face communication is so important! I hate it when a guy won’t try to strike up a conversation in person but will talk for hours on IM. A lot of guys don’t know how to make a genuine effort anymore. They resort to texting out of convenience.

TC: Do you find your friends or family’s relationships affect your views on love?

DG: Yes! My parents, of course. They’ve been together for 32 years and are still going strong. They are seriously best friends. They have a routine. It’s so cute. My dad gets home around 6, and they both sit on the couch and watch TV and talk for hours. Every day — it never fails. They argue and make up just like any other married couple, but I know they love each other to death. My sister and her fiance as well. They come from different cultures, yet (they) are perfect for each other. One day, I want to have what my parents and sister and her fiance have.

TC: What advice on love would you give to young girls out there?

DG: I would tell them the same thing my parents told me: To not depend on a guy and be independent! You don’t need a guy to be happy. Trust me. Learn to love yourself and have fun! Go out with your friends, travel, laugh, and don’t let a guy be the reason for your happiness. Be smart when dating. Don’t settle. You shouldn’t ever have to feel like you need to prove yourself. They should accept you the way you are and be proud to be with you. You’re worth so much more than just a simple “I love you.” Don’t believe everything they tell you, and don’t fall so easily.


Function: Diaphragms are dome-shaped silicone cups that are inserted into the vagina and cover up the cervix, preventing sperm from moving into the uterus and coming into contact with an egg. 

Pros: If you are going to have sex multiple times, this is a good option – it protects from pregnancy for about six hours. You can also safely remove it, clean it and reuse it for up to two years.

Cons: It doesn’t protect you against sexually transmitted diseases, and it’s also a bit pricey, emptying your wallet of about $40.

Effectiveness: 88%

Pictured left is psychology junior David Carter.
His hat was purchased online; his glasses are Ray-Bans; his shirt is from PacSun; his pants are from Hot Topic; and his shoes are from Journey.

IMG_5524

David Carter | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

David Carter: I’m actually going to cook dinner for me and my girlfriend, rent a movie for us to watch afterward… my nights in general end up with me rubbing her feet.

TC: How did you and your girlfriend meet?

DC: My girlfriend and I met for the first time in high school; I was friends with her older sister. More recently, though, I went into the Hot Topic that she manages to buy some plugs, and we kinda just hit it off. I’m actually very oblivious, so she had to basically spell it out that she had a thing for me since high school.

TC: How would you describe yourselves — is it opposites attract or do you guys have many common interests?

DC: I like to believe we are right in the middle when it comes to opposites attract. We do have some major differences but on some things we are just similar enough to really butt heads.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DC: I do believe in soulmates. I think that you can fall in love multiple times, but that there is one person on this planet meant for you.

TC: Do you feel your parents’ relationship influences your view on love?

DC: I strongly feel my parents influenced how I view love. My dad has gone to hell and back, and my mom stood by his side the whole time, even though it was, in turn, torture for herself. She loved him and felt that it was more important.

Pictured right is advertising senior Natalya Miranda.
Her floral shirt is from Hollister; her jeans are Bershka (Spain); and her shoes are from YesStyle.

IMG_5747

Natalya Miranda | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?

Natalya Miranda: I am 25 and am married. My husband is British and here it’s a big thing, but I’m from Colombia, and we have another day. We celebrate it in September. It’s called Del Amor y la Amistad, a day for love and friendship. You give candy to your friends. This Valentine’s Day we want to go to San Antonio (and) Six Flags.

TC: How long have you been married? How would you describe yourselves?

NM: We’ve been married for a year and a half. We’re opposites in the little stuff. The big things, like values, we share the same. I think that’s important. He loves to go out and drink; I like to read. We’re both extroverts, but he’s really social. He’s like an old man and I’m like a little girl. When we go out, he always has to have the perfect suit — you know how Europeans dress. And I’m like here with purple hair and tattoos.

TC: Do you consider yourself more of a free spirit?

NM: Yes, definitely. And he cares more about money than I do. We can take care of each other. I make him think about something different that isn’t work, and he makes me more responsible.

TC: Do you feel your views on love were influenced by your parents?

NM: Yeah. It doesn’t mean that if your parents had a bad relationship, you will. It’s more that you learn from it. My parents got divorced, but they took so long to get a divorce. So if I’m not happy, I’m going to get a divorce. I think it does affect you a lot. It also depends on how you start the relationship. You don’t love every person the same way.

TC: What are some big differences between dating in America versus in Columbia?

NM: In Columbia, you meet people through friends and dancing in clubs. Guys will ask you politely if you want to dance, then you talk some more. Guys don’t do all the work of planning dates and hitting on you. Another thing is that guys are very rude here. I feel like it is difficult to have male friends, because if you show no interest in a relationship and you tell them clearly nothing is going to happen, they just stop talking to you.

TC: What advice would you give to readers on love?

NM: For people out there, and maybe it sounds cliche, but you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. You cannot make anyone happy, and no one can make you happy, but you can decide to be happy together.

Pictured left is construction management junior Darcy Gomez.
Her jeans are from Abercrombie; her shoes are from Payless; and her watch was purchased on eBay.

IMG951163

Darcy Gomez | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

Darcy Gomez: One of my best friends recently converted to Mormonism, so he’s getting baptized on Saturday. I will be attending that with two of my best friends at this beautiful church and going to dinner afterwards. My girlfriends are my valentines this year.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DG: Hmm.. I’m not sure. I believe a person can have multiple “soulmates” — either a best friend or a partner. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your soulmate are meant to be together, it just means you have a strong bond. I believe in soul sisters. My best friend is my soul sister. I can tell her anything and everything without being judged. I can be weird with her and not feel ashamed. I know I can call or text her whenever — like at 3 a.m. — and that she’ll always be there for me. She’s the best.

TC: What do you think makes up a great relationship?

DG: I’ve never been in a relationship before. Shocking, I know. But all I’ve ever wanted was to be able to trust someone, for them to be honest, have a good sense of humor and have a few similar interests. What makes a good relationship would be to motivate each other, respect, trust and most importantly, communication is key! Not just texting. Face to face communication is so important! I hate it when a guy won’t try to strike up a conversation in person but will talk for hours on IM. A lot of guys don’t know how to make a genuine effort anymore. They resort to texting out of convenience.

TC: Do you find your friends or family’s relationships affect your views on love?

DG: Yes! My parents, of course. They’ve been together for 32 years and are still going strong. They are seriously best friends. They have a routine. It’s so cute. My dad gets home around 6, and they both sit on the couch and watch TV and talk for hours. Every day — it never fails. They argue and make up just like any other married couple, but I know they love each other to death. My sister and her fiance as well. They come from different cultures, yet (they) are perfect for each other. One day, I want to have what my parents and sister and her fiance have.

TC: What advice on love would you give to young girls out there?

DG: I would tell them the same thing my parents told me: To not depend on a guy and be independent! You don’t need a guy to be happy. Trust me. Learn to love yourself and have fun! Go out with your friends, travel, laugh, and don’t let a guy be the reason for your happiness. Be smart when dating. Don’t settle. You shouldn’t ever have to feel like you need to prove yourself. They should accept you the way you are and be proud to be with you. You’re worth so much more than just a simple “I love you.” Don’t believe everything they tell you, and don’t fall so easily.


Function: An intrauterine device is for those who don’t plan to have a kid for at least five years, making it one of the most popular forms of contraception. It is inserted into a woman’s uterus, with some types lasting up to ten years.

Pros: You don’t have to worry about becoming pregnant for at least five years, unlike trying to remember to take a pill every day.

Cons: It doesn’t protect you against sexually transmitted infections from unprotected sex. It has also been known to fall out or puncture the uterus.

Effectiveness: 98%

Pictured left is psychology junior David Carter.
His hat was purchased online; his glasses are Ray-Bans; his shirt is from PacSun; his pants are from Hot Topic; and his shoes are from Journey.

IMG_5524

David Carter | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

David Carter: I’m actually going to cook dinner for me and my girlfriend, rent a movie for us to watch afterward… my nights in general end up with me rubbing her feet.

TC: How did you and your girlfriend meet?

DC: My girlfriend and I met for the first time in high school; I was friends with her older sister. More recently, though, I went into the Hot Topic that she manages to buy some plugs, and we kinda just hit it off. I’m actually very oblivious, so she had to basically spell it out that she had a thing for me since high school.

TC: How would you describe yourselves — is it opposites attract or do you guys have many common interests?

DC: I like to believe we are right in the middle when it comes to opposites attract. We do have some major differences but on some things we are just similar enough to really butt heads.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DC: I do believe in soulmates. I think that you can fall in love multiple times, but that there is one person on this planet meant for you.

TC: Do you feel your parents’ relationship influences your view on love?

DC: I strongly feel my parents influenced how I view love. My dad has gone to hell and back, and my mom stood by his side the whole time, even though it was, in turn, torture for herself. She loved him and felt that it was more important.

Pictured right is advertising senior Natalya Miranda.
Her floral shirt is from Hollister; her jeans are Bershka (Spain); and her shoes are from YesStyle.

IMG_5747

Natalya Miranda | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?

Natalya Miranda: I am 25 and am married. My husband is British and here it’s a big thing, but I’m from Colombia, and we have another day. We celebrate it in September. It’s called Del Amor y la Amistad, a day for love and friendship. You give candy to your friends. This Valentine’s Day we want to go to San Antonio (and) Six Flags.

TC: How long have you been married? How would you describe yourselves?

NM: We’ve been married for a year and a half. We’re opposites in the little stuff. The big things, like values, we share the same. I think that’s important. He loves to go out and drink; I like to read. We’re both extroverts, but he’s really social. He’s like an old man and I’m like a little girl. When we go out, he always has to have the perfect suit — you know how Europeans dress. And I’m like here with purple hair and tattoos.

TC: Do you consider yourself more of a free spirit?

NM: Yes, definitely. And he cares more about money than I do. We can take care of each other. I make him think about something different that isn’t work, and he makes me more responsible.

TC: Do you feel your views on love were influenced by your parents?

NM: Yeah. It doesn’t mean that if your parents had a bad relationship, you will. It’s more that you learn from it. My parents got divorced, but they took so long to get a divorce. So if I’m not happy, I’m going to get a divorce. I think it does affect you a lot. It also depends on how you start the relationship. You don’t love every person the same way.

TC: What are some big differences between dating in America versus in Columbia?

NM: In Columbia, you meet people through friends and dancing in clubs. Guys will ask you politely if you want to dance, then you talk some more. Guys don’t do all the work of planning dates and hitting on you. Another thing is that guys are very rude here. I feel like it is difficult to have male friends, because if you show no interest in a relationship and you tell them clearly nothing is going to happen, they just stop talking to you.

TC: What advice would you give to readers on love?

NM: For people out there, and maybe it sounds cliche, but you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. You cannot make anyone happy, and no one can make you happy, but you can decide to be happy together.

Pictured left is construction management junior Darcy Gomez.
Her jeans are from Abercrombie; her shoes are from Payless; and her watch was purchased on eBay.

IMG951163

Darcy Gomez | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

Darcy Gomez: One of my best friends recently converted to Mormonism, so he’s getting baptized on Saturday. I will be attending that with two of my best friends at this beautiful church and going to dinner afterwards. My girlfriends are my valentines this year.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DG: Hmm.. I’m not sure. I believe a person can have multiple “soulmates” — either a best friend or a partner. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your soulmate are meant to be together, it just means you have a strong bond. I believe in soul sisters. My best friend is my soul sister. I can tell her anything and everything without being judged. I can be weird with her and not feel ashamed. I know I can call or text her whenever — like at 3 a.m. — and that she’ll always be there for me. She’s the best.

TC: What do you think makes up a great relationship?

DG: I’ve never been in a relationship before. Shocking, I know. But all I’ve ever wanted was to be able to trust someone, for them to be honest, have a good sense of humor and have a few similar interests. What makes a good relationship would be to motivate each other, respect, trust and most importantly, communication is key! Not just texting. Face to face communication is so important! I hate it when a guy won’t try to strike up a conversation in person but will talk for hours on IM. A lot of guys don’t know how to make a genuine effort anymore. They resort to texting out of convenience.

TC: Do you find your friends or family’s relationships affect your views on love?

DG: Yes! My parents, of course. They’ve been together for 32 years and are still going strong. They are seriously best friends. They have a routine. It’s so cute. My dad gets home around 6, and they both sit on the couch and watch TV and talk for hours. Every day — it never fails. They argue and make up just like any other married couple, but I know they love each other to death. My sister and her fiance as well. They come from different cultures, yet (they) are perfect for each other. One day, I want to have what my parents and sister and her fiance have.

TC: What advice on love would you give to young girls out there?

DG: I would tell them the same thing my parents told me: To not depend on a guy and be independent! You don’t need a guy to be happy. Trust me. Learn to love yourself and have fun! Go out with your friends, travel, laugh, and don’t let a guy be the reason for your happiness. Be smart when dating. Don’t settle. You shouldn’t ever have to feel like you need to prove yourself. They should accept you the way you are and be proud to be with you. You’re worth so much more than just a simple “I love you.” Don’t believe everything they tell you, and don’t fall so easily.


Function: One of the few methods of contraception for men. Most condoms are made of latex.

Pros: Condoms are cheap and lower the risk of the transferring sexually transmitted diseases.

Cons: Since most condoms are made of latex, they cannot be used if a woman is allergic to latex. Condoms can also break, and you have to put a new one on every time you have sex.

Effectiveness: 82%

Pictured left is psychology junior David Carter.
His hat was purchased online; his glasses are Ray-Bans; his shirt is from PacSun; his pants are from Hot Topic; and his shoes are from Journey.

IMG_5524

David Carter | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

David Carter: I’m actually going to cook dinner for me and my girlfriend, rent a movie for us to watch afterward… my nights in general end up with me rubbing her feet.

TC: How did you and your girlfriend meet?

DC: My girlfriend and I met for the first time in high school; I was friends with her older sister. More recently, though, I went into the Hot Topic that she manages to buy some plugs, and we kinda just hit it off. I’m actually very oblivious, so she had to basically spell it out that she had a thing for me since high school.

TC: How would you describe yourselves — is it opposites attract or do you guys have many common interests?

DC: I like to believe we are right in the middle when it comes to opposites attract. We do have some major differences but on some things we are just similar enough to really butt heads.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DC: I do believe in soulmates. I think that you can fall in love multiple times, but that there is one person on this planet meant for you.

TC: Do you feel your parents’ relationship influences your view on love?

DC: I strongly feel my parents influenced how I view love. My dad has gone to hell and back, and my mom stood by his side the whole time, even though it was, in turn, torture for herself. She loved him and felt that it was more important.

Pictured right is advertising senior Natalya Miranda.
Her floral shirt is from Hollister; her jeans are Bershka (Spain); and her shoes are from YesStyle.

IMG_5747

Natalya Miranda | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?

Natalya Miranda: I am 25 and am married. My husband is British and here it’s a big thing, but I’m from Colombia, and we have another day. We celebrate it in September. It’s called Del Amor y la Amistad, a day for love and friendship. You give candy to your friends. This Valentine’s Day we want to go to San Antonio (and) Six Flags.

TC: How long have you been married? How would you describe yourselves?

NM: We’ve been married for a year and a half. We’re opposites in the little stuff. The big things, like values, we share the same. I think that’s important. He loves to go out and drink; I like to read. We’re both extroverts, but he’s really social. He’s like an old man and I’m like a little girl. When we go out, he always has to have the perfect suit — you know how Europeans dress. And I’m like here with purple hair and tattoos.

TC: Do you consider yourself more of a free spirit?

NM: Yes, definitely. And he cares more about money than I do. We can take care of each other. I make him think about something different that isn’t work, and he makes me more responsible.

TC: Do you feel your views on love were influenced by your parents?

NM: Yeah. It doesn’t mean that if your parents had a bad relationship, you will. It’s more that you learn from it. My parents got divorced, but they took so long to get a divorce. So if I’m not happy, I’m going to get a divorce. I think it does affect you a lot. It also depends on how you start the relationship. You don’t love every person the same way.

TC: What are some big differences between dating in America versus in Columbia?

NM: In Columbia, you meet people through friends and dancing in clubs. Guys will ask you politely if you want to dance, then you talk some more. Guys don’t do all the work of planning dates and hitting on you. Another thing is that guys are very rude here. I feel like it is difficult to have male friends, because if you show no interest in a relationship and you tell them clearly nothing is going to happen, they just stop talking to you.

TC: What advice would you give to readers on love?

NM: For people out there, and maybe it sounds cliche, but you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. You cannot make anyone happy, and no one can make you happy, but you can decide to be happy together.

Pictured left is construction management junior Darcy Gomez.
Her jeans are from Abercrombie; her shoes are from Payless; and her watch was purchased on eBay.

IMG951163

Darcy Gomez | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

Darcy Gomez: One of my best friends recently converted to Mormonism, so he’s getting baptized on Saturday. I will be attending that with two of my best friends at this beautiful church and going to dinner afterwards. My girlfriends are my valentines this year.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DG: Hmm.. I’m not sure. I believe a person can have multiple “soulmates” — either a best friend or a partner. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your soulmate are meant to be together, it just means you have a strong bond. I believe in soul sisters. My best friend is my soul sister. I can tell her anything and everything without being judged. I can be weird with her and not feel ashamed. I know I can call or text her whenever — like at 3 a.m. — and that she’ll always be there for me. She’s the best.

TC: What do you think makes up a great relationship?

DG: I’ve never been in a relationship before. Shocking, I know. But all I’ve ever wanted was to be able to trust someone, for them to be honest, have a good sense of humor and have a few similar interests. What makes a good relationship would be to motivate each other, respect, trust and most importantly, communication is key! Not just texting. Face to face communication is so important! I hate it when a guy won’t try to strike up a conversation in person but will talk for hours on IM. A lot of guys don’t know how to make a genuine effort anymore. They resort to texting out of convenience.

TC: Do you find your friends or family’s relationships affect your views on love?

DG: Yes! My parents, of course. They’ve been together for 32 years and are still going strong. They are seriously best friends. They have a routine. It’s so cute. My dad gets home around 6, and they both sit on the couch and watch TV and talk for hours. Every day — it never fails. They argue and make up just like any other married couple, but I know they love each other to death. My sister and her fiance as well. They come from different cultures, yet (they) are perfect for each other. One day, I want to have what my parents and sister and her fiance have.

TC: What advice on love would you give to young girls out there?

DG: I would tell them the same thing my parents told me: To not depend on a guy and be independent! You don’t need a guy to be happy. Trust me. Learn to love yourself and have fun! Go out with your friends, travel, laugh, and don’t let a guy be the reason for your happiness. Be smart when dating. Don’t settle. You shouldn’t ever have to feel like you need to prove yourself. They should accept you the way you are and be proud to be with you. You’re worth so much more than just a simple “I love you.” Don’t believe everything they tell you, and don’t fall so easily.


Function: Contraceptive sponges produce a physical barrier during sex, which traps sperm from passing through the cervix and causing pregnancy.

Pros: These are good for people who have sex multiple times a day. You don’t need a prescription for it, and it can stay inserted for up to 24 hours.

Cons:  It won’t protect you against STI’s and can’t be removed for six hours after having sex. It can also increase urinary tract infections in women.

Effectiveness: 82%

Pictured left is psychology junior David Carter.
His hat was purchased online; his glasses are Ray-Bans; his shirt is from PacSun; his pants are from Hot Topic; and his shoes are from Journey.

IMG_5524

David Carter | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

David Carter: I’m actually going to cook dinner for me and my girlfriend, rent a movie for us to watch afterward… my nights in general end up with me rubbing her feet.

TC: How did you and your girlfriend meet?

DC: My girlfriend and I met for the first time in high school; I was friends with her older sister. More recently, though, I went into the Hot Topic that she manages to buy some plugs, and we kinda just hit it off. I’m actually very oblivious, so she had to basically spell it out that she had a thing for me since high school.

TC: How would you describe yourselves — is it opposites attract or do you guys have many common interests?

DC: I like to believe we are right in the middle when it comes to opposites attract. We do have some major differences but on some things we are just similar enough to really butt heads.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DC: I do believe in soulmates. I think that you can fall in love multiple times, but that there is one person on this planet meant for you.

TC: Do you feel your parents’ relationship influences your view on love?

DC: I strongly feel my parents influenced how I view love. My dad has gone to hell and back, and my mom stood by his side the whole time, even though it was, in turn, torture for herself. She loved him and felt that it was more important.

Pictured right is advertising senior Natalya Miranda.
Her floral shirt is from Hollister; her jeans are Bershka (Spain); and her shoes are from YesStyle.

IMG_5747

Natalya Miranda | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?

Natalya Miranda: I am 25 and am married. My husband is British and here it’s a big thing, but I’m from Colombia, and we have another day. We celebrate it in September. It’s called Del Amor y la Amistad, a day for love and friendship. You give candy to your friends. This Valentine’s Day we want to go to San Antonio (and) Six Flags.

TC: How long have you been married? How would you describe yourselves?

NM: We’ve been married for a year and a half. We’re opposites in the little stuff. The big things, like values, we share the same. I think that’s important. He loves to go out and drink; I like to read. We’re both extroverts, but he’s really social. He’s like an old man and I’m like a little girl. When we go out, he always has to have the perfect suit — you know how Europeans dress. And I’m like here with purple hair and tattoos.

TC: Do you consider yourself more of a free spirit?

NM: Yes, definitely. And he cares more about money than I do. We can take care of each other. I make him think about something different that isn’t work, and he makes me more responsible.

TC: Do you feel your views on love were influenced by your parents?

NM: Yeah. It doesn’t mean that if your parents had a bad relationship, you will. It’s more that you learn from it. My parents got divorced, but they took so long to get a divorce. So if I’m not happy, I’m going to get a divorce. I think it does affect you a lot. It also depends on how you start the relationship. You don’t love every person the same way.

TC: What are some big differences between dating in America versus in Columbia?

NM: In Columbia, you meet people through friends and dancing in clubs. Guys will ask you politely if you want to dance, then you talk some more. Guys don’t do all the work of planning dates and hitting on you. Another thing is that guys are very rude here. I feel like it is difficult to have male friends, because if you show no interest in a relationship and you tell them clearly nothing is going to happen, they just stop talking to you.

TC: What advice would you give to readers on love?

NM: For people out there, and maybe it sounds cliche, but you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. You cannot make anyone happy, and no one can make you happy, but you can decide to be happy together.

Pictured left is construction management junior Darcy Gomez.
Her jeans are from Abercrombie; her shoes are from Payless; and her watch was purchased on eBay.

IMG951163

Darcy Gomez | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

Darcy Gomez: One of my best friends recently converted to Mormonism, so he’s getting baptized on Saturday. I will be attending that with two of my best friends at this beautiful church and going to dinner afterwards. My girlfriends are my valentines this year.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DG: Hmm.. I’m not sure. I believe a person can have multiple “soulmates” — either a best friend or a partner. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your soulmate are meant to be together, it just means you have a strong bond. I believe in soul sisters. My best friend is my soul sister. I can tell her anything and everything without being judged. I can be weird with her and not feel ashamed. I know I can call or text her whenever — like at 3 a.m. — and that she’ll always be there for me. She’s the best.

TC: What do you think makes up a great relationship?

DG: I’ve never been in a relationship before. Shocking, I know. But all I’ve ever wanted was to be able to trust someone, for them to be honest, have a good sense of humor and have a few similar interests. What makes a good relationship would be to motivate each other, respect, trust and most importantly, communication is key! Not just texting. Face to face communication is so important! I hate it when a guy won’t try to strike up a conversation in person but will talk for hours on IM. A lot of guys don’t know how to make a genuine effort anymore. They resort to texting out of convenience.

TC: Do you find your friends or family’s relationships affect your views on love?

DG: Yes! My parents, of course. They’ve been together for 32 years and are still going strong. They are seriously best friends. They have a routine. It’s so cute. My dad gets home around 6, and they both sit on the couch and watch TV and talk for hours. Every day — it never fails. They argue and make up just like any other married couple, but I know they love each other to death. My sister and her fiance as well. They come from different cultures, yet (they) are perfect for each other. One day, I want to have what my parents and sister and her fiance have.

TC: What advice on love would you give to young girls out there?

DG: I would tell them the same thing my parents told me: To not depend on a guy and be independent! You don’t need a guy to be happy. Trust me. Learn to love yourself and have fun! Go out with your friends, travel, laugh, and don’t let a guy be the reason for your happiness. Be smart when dating. Don’t settle. You shouldn’t ever have to feel like you need to prove yourself. They should accept you the way you are and be proud to be with you. You’re worth so much more than just a simple “I love you.” Don’t believe everything they tell you, and don’t fall so easily.


Function: This is inserted into a woman’s arm as a small rod, emitting small streams of hormones every day, preventing pregnancy for up to three years.

Pros: This is a great method for those who need long-term contraception, as it lasts from one to three years.

Cons: It doesn’t protect against STI’s and minor surgery is required in order to add and remove the device

Effectiveness: 99%

Pictured left is psychology junior David Carter.
His hat was purchased online; his glasses are Ray-Bans; his shirt is from PacSun; his pants are from Hot Topic; and his shoes are from Journey.

IMG_5524

David Carter | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

David Carter: I’m actually going to cook dinner for me and my girlfriend, rent a movie for us to watch afterward… my nights in general end up with me rubbing her feet.

TC: How did you and your girlfriend meet?

DC: My girlfriend and I met for the first time in high school; I was friends with her older sister. More recently, though, I went into the Hot Topic that she manages to buy some plugs, and we kinda just hit it off. I’m actually very oblivious, so she had to basically spell it out that she had a thing for me since high school.

TC: How would you describe yourselves — is it opposites attract or do you guys have many common interests?

DC: I like to believe we are right in the middle when it comes to opposites attract. We do have some major differences but on some things we are just similar enough to really butt heads.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DC: I do believe in soulmates. I think that you can fall in love multiple times, but that there is one person on this planet meant for you.

TC: Do you feel your parents’ relationship influences your view on love?

DC: I strongly feel my parents influenced how I view love. My dad has gone to hell and back, and my mom stood by his side the whole time, even though it was, in turn, torture for herself. She loved him and felt that it was more important.

Pictured right is advertising senior Natalya Miranda.
Her floral shirt is from Hollister; her jeans are Bershka (Spain); and her shoes are from YesStyle.

IMG_5747

Natalya Miranda | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?

Natalya Miranda: I am 25 and am married. My husband is British and here it’s a big thing, but I’m from Colombia, and we have another day. We celebrate it in September. It’s called Del Amor y la Amistad, a day for love and friendship. You give candy to your friends. This Valentine’s Day we want to go to San Antonio (and) Six Flags.

TC: How long have you been married? How would you describe yourselves?

NM: We’ve been married for a year and a half. We’re opposites in the little stuff. The big things, like values, we share the same. I think that’s important. He loves to go out and drink; I like to read. We’re both extroverts, but he’s really social. He’s like an old man and I’m like a little girl. When we go out, he always has to have the perfect suit — you know how Europeans dress. And I’m like here with purple hair and tattoos.

TC: Do you consider yourself more of a free spirit?

NM: Yes, definitely. And he cares more about money than I do. We can take care of each other. I make him think about something different that isn’t work, and he makes me more responsible.

TC: Do you feel your views on love were influenced by your parents?

NM: Yeah. It doesn’t mean that if your parents had a bad relationship, you will. It’s more that you learn from it. My parents got divorced, but they took so long to get a divorce. So if I’m not happy, I’m going to get a divorce. I think it does affect you a lot. It also depends on how you start the relationship. You don’t love every person the same way.

TC: What are some big differences between dating in America versus in Columbia?

NM: In Columbia, you meet people through friends and dancing in clubs. Guys will ask you politely if you want to dance, then you talk some more. Guys don’t do all the work of planning dates and hitting on you. Another thing is that guys are very rude here. I feel like it is difficult to have male friends, because if you show no interest in a relationship and you tell them clearly nothing is going to happen, they just stop talking to you.

TC: What advice would you give to readers on love?

NM: For people out there, and maybe it sounds cliche, but you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. You cannot make anyone happy, and no one can make you happy, but you can decide to be happy together.

Pictured left is construction management junior Darcy Gomez.
Her jeans are from Abercrombie; her shoes are from Payless; and her watch was purchased on eBay.

IMG951163

Darcy Gomez | Diana Nguyen/The Cougar

The Cougar: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

Darcy Gomez: One of my best friends recently converted to Mormonism, so he’s getting baptized on Saturday. I will be attending that with two of my best friends at this beautiful church and going to dinner afterwards. My girlfriends are my valentines this year.

TC: Do you believe in soulmates?

DG: Hmm.. I’m not sure. I believe a person can have multiple “soulmates” — either a best friend or a partner. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your soulmate are meant to be together, it just means you have a strong bond. I believe in soul sisters. My best friend is my soul sister. I can tell her anything and everything without being judged. I can be weird with her and not feel ashamed. I know I can call or text her whenever — like at 3 a.m. — and that she’ll always be there for me. She’s the best.

TC: What do you think makes up a great relationship?

DG: I’ve never been in a relationship before. Shocking, I know. But all I’ve ever wanted was to be able to trust someone, for them to be honest, have a good sense of humor and have a few similar interests. What makes a good relationship would be to motivate each other, respect, trust and most importantly, communication is key! Not just texting. Face to face communication is so important! I hate it when a guy won’t try to strike up a conversation in person but will talk for hours on IM. A lot of guys don’t know how to make a genuine effort anymore. They resort to texting out of convenience.

TC: Do you find your friends or family’s relationships affect your views on love?

DG: Yes! My parents, of course. They’ve been together for 32 years and are still going strong. They are seriously best friends. They have a routine. It’s so cute. My dad gets home around 6, and they both sit on the couch and watch TV and talk for hours. Every day — it never fails. They argue and make up just like any other married couple, but I know they love each other to death. My sister and her fiance as well. They come from different cultures, yet (they) are perfect for each other. One day, I want to have what my parents and sister and her fiance have.

TC: What advice on love would you give to young girls out there?

DG: I would tell them the same thing my parents told me: To not depend on a guy and be independent! You don’t need a guy to be happy. Trust me. Learn to love yourself and have fun! Go out with your friends, travel, laugh, and don’t let a guy be the reason for your happiness. Be smart when dating. Don’t settle. You shouldn’t ever have to feel like you need to prove yourself. They should accept you the way you are and be proud to be with you. You’re worth so much more than just a simple “I love you.” Don’t believe everything they tell you, and don’t fall so easily.


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As teen pregnancies decrease, more students choose abstinence

Valentine Couple in love showing Heart with their fingers. Love

Whether for religious or personal reasons, some students choose abstinence and find intimacy through means other than sex. | BigStock

Sex is more prominent in today’s society than ever before, but teen pregnancy in the United States has declined — surprisingly, teens are increasingly choosing to be abstinent.

A recent study found that 14 percent of the decline in U.S. teen pregnancy could be attributed to teens’ increased abstinence, according to Advocates for Youth. 53 percent of U.S. high school students reported they hadn’t had sex, up from 46 percent in 1991.

The benefits to remaining abstinent are numerous, as it prevents pregnancy as well as HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. Keeping sex out of the picture can also make young relationships less confusing.

For biochemistry and math major Stephanie Onyejekwe, the double standard applied to both sexually active people and those who are abstinent is frustrating.

“If you do have sex, they call you a slut, and if you don’t have sex, you’re called a loser or prude,” Onyejekwe said. “So either way, it doesn’t matter. You’ll still be judged.”

Electrical and computer engineering sophomore Christiana Chamon was raised in a Catholic family and said her religion is one reason why she practices abstinence.

“(Part) of me believes that sex is a strictly procreational act,” Chamon wrote in an email. “Man’s state of nature is to have sex with a woman for the purpose of impregnating her. I am not ready to be a mother, and therefore I abstain from the possibility of being impregnated.”

Chamon said she does not agree with the mass numbers of teens engaging in sex but also feels that she should respect their decision to be sexually active as they should respect hers not to.

“If people want to pursue their sexual desires, then who am I to tell them otherwise?” Chamon said.

With more young people practicing abstinence, it’s important to open a dialogue for students to share their thoughts on sex and abstinence and eradicate the stigma attached to abstinent people.

“Different people have different values,” Onyejekwe said. “Either way, their decisions do not affect me.”


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A quick history of frisky films

After watching Leonardo DiCaprio snort cocaine off the bare backside of a prostitute in “The Wolf of Wall Street,” it could seem Hollywood has finally reached its limit with sex in films. However, if history has anything to teach us, it’s likely movies will continue shocking audiences with new and unusual portrayals of what goes on in the bedroom (or the office, or a moving vehicle… thanks again, Leo).

Modern films are undeniably more explicit in their presentations of sexual behavior than ever before, but movies have been making jaws drop since the early twentieth century. After the first projected motion picture ran in 1896, it didn’t take long for the movie industry to begin testing the waters of what it could get away with. Subtle implications of sex were enough to outrage parents, whose children were being exposed to a visual form of sexual material for the first time.

Breaking boundaries over time

In 1915, the Supreme Court ruled that motion pictures were not protected by the First Amendment as a form of expression. The ruling stood for 37 years until it was overturned in 1952, setting the foundation for the first true regulation of motion pictures in 1934 with the Hays Code.

Named after former President Warren Harding’s postmaster general, the Hays Code declared that movies were “responsible for spiritual or moral progress, for higher types of social life, and for much correct thinking.” It prohibited portrayals of nudity, suggestive dances, sexual “perversity” and interracial relationships, among other “immoral” behaviors. Above all, it stated that movies should not lead the audience to sympathize with the side of “crime, wrong-doing, evil or sin.”

The Hays Code had no “teeth” when it was first implemented in 1930, according to communication professor Garth Jowett, and it wasn’t until 1934 that regulations were enforced with a $30,000 fine for any studio distributing a film without a seal of approval from the Hays Office.

This notorious four-year period became known as the pre-Code era, when films blatantly ignored all restraints and guidelines in the Code. America was thrust into Great Depression, and the film industry was struggling to find content that would attract audiences.

Baby.Face_.Brent_

“Baby Face” is an iconic film from the pre-Code era that shocked audiences with a main character who used her body to get what she never had. | Courtesy of Warner Bros.

“There is an old adage that says, ‘When you’re losing money, go to sex and violence,’” Jowett said.

The industry did just that.

The result was films such as “The Story of Temple Drake” (1933), a Gothic horror film that depicted rape and sexual slavery, and “Red Headed Woman” (1932), which included a scene where a woman clearly gains sexual pleasure from her husband beating her, screaming, “Do it again! I like it!”

“The main concern of those films (during the pre-Code era) was open sexuality, by which I mean the flaunting of sexual attitudes; (for example,) women who decided to divorce their husbands and have flings with other guys,” Jowett said. “You don’t actually see the sex at all, but it was the implication of a woman being divorced and being happy.”

Retaining shock value

As the popularity of television grew exponentially in the 1950s, the film industry looked desperately for a way to compete. Its answer: show material that couldn’t be shown on TV. Once again, the public grew concerned.

In 1968, Jack Valenti, namesake of UH’s College of Communication and then-president of the Motion Picture Association of America, threw out the censorship system and created the movie rating system that many are familiar with today, which places movies in categories such as PG, PG-13 and R.

Because films are no longer fined for portraying explicit sexual material and only face an R or NC-17 rating (which could limit their audience and box office success), today’s movies continue to push limits that still offend the more traditional American population.

“There tends to be a sense of desensitization where you have to shock people again back into paying attention,” said director of the Jack J. Valenti School of Communication Beth Olson.

The following films were shockingly progressive for their time in terms of sexual content as well as violence and language:

  • Baby Face (1933)

When discussing pre-Code era Hollywood films, “Baby Face” will come up every time as a film that led to true censorship under the Code in 1934. Starring Barbara Stanwyck and undergoing drastic edits before it was allowed to run in theatres, the film depicts a young woman named Lily who climbs her way up the social ladder at her job by sleeping with every man there. The pre-edited “Baby Face” had no moral or sentimentality, and even after the Hays Office did its work on the film, audiences were still shocked by a woman using her sexuality to get what she wanted.

  • Some Like It Hot (1959)

Starring sex icon Marilyn Monroe, this risqué film was the highest-grossing comedy ever at that time and was advertised as being “too HOT for words.” It was game-changing for its inclusion of unprecedented innuendo, reversed sex roles and cross-dressing, so much so that the Catholic League of Decency protested the film for being “seriously offensive to Christian and traditional standards of morality and decency.”

  • Midnight Cowboy (1969)

Before the NC-17 rating was trademarked by the MPAA in 1990, films with explicit sex and violence received an “X” rating, meaning that no one under 18 could be admitted.  “Midnight Cowboy” is historically significant for being the first and only X-rated film to win an Academy Award for Best Picture. With a main character that aims to be a male prostitute and many disturbing scenes of sexual abuse, the fact that this film won an Oscar so soon after the Hays Office disintegrated showed how quickly the film industry was progressing.

  • In the Realm of the Senses (1976)

This French-Japanese film is considered the first non-pornographic film that shows fellatio (a sex act involving mouth-to-penis contact) on the screen. Critics saw it straddling the line between porn and art, but was ultimately shown at the New York Film Festival in defense of art.

50sogedit

“Fifty Shades of Grey” opens this Friday. | Courtesy of Focus Features

  • Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

Stanley Kubrick was no stranger to his films being thrown an adult rating, but many protested the MPAA’s initial NC-17 rating for “Eyes Wide Shut,” which stars Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. The MPAA requested that Warner Brothers digitally edit the film’s minute-long orgy scene with images that partially concealed the sexual activity taking place. Critics complained that the MPAA’s rating showed a flaw in the system by placing a film that artfully explored the bonds of sex in the same category as “crude frat-boy jokes.”

  • Secretary (2002)

This film was called “groundbreaking” by The New York Times for its portrayal of an office relationship founded in built-up erotic energy and masochism. Called anti-feminist by some for putting Maggie Gyllenhaal in the role of a secretary being dominated by her boss, the film actually showcases a woman who understands what she wants and goes out of her way to get it – “it” being a spanking from her boss anytime she makes a typo in a newsletter. “Secretary” explores the freedom felt after shame is laid aside in favor of personal pleasure and satisfaction.

  • Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

It’s the “most hyped sex movie of the millennium,” and it will hit theaters nationwide this Friday. Based off the best-selling book trilogy by E.L. James, “Fifty Shades of Grey” originated as “Twilight” fan fiction and faces criticism from the BDSM community as being a distortion of the sexual practice it imitates – one that includes bondage, dominance and masochism. According to sexuality experts and readers who practice BDSM in real life, the film could present a glamorization of violence that is harmful and unhealthy, leaving out aspects of BDSM that emphasize consent and boundaries. The film will likely face more controversy as it takes over the box office this weekend.


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Virginity lies in the eye of the beholder

virginity 1 web

As our perception of sexuality evolves, so does the definition of virginity — and what it means when you’ve lost it. | Justin Tijerina/The Cougar

Vaginal penetration is considered sex by most people, but it’s not the only way of “doing it” — there is also anal sex and oral sex, but not everyone would consider those acts of losing one’s virginity.

Media production junior Andrew Cochran said he considers losing one’s virginity as having an orgasm with another person for the first time.

When Cochran thinks of losing his virginity, he thinks of two separate times: his first time with a girl when he was younger, and his first time with a boy in high school.

Cochran said his first time with a girl was “awkward” and “really, really terrible.” Laughing, he said he remembers “Blue’s Clue’s” was playing on the television in the background, and he was more interested in the blue dog.

“When you lose your virginity for the first time, it immediately embeds in your mind as… ‘this is a memory, this is a milestone,’” Cochran said. “You start thinking, ‘From this point on, it’s going to be different.’ So afterward, it’s almost silent — even in your mind.”

According to Planned Parenthood, it’s difficult to define sex because its parameters are different, depending on the person. Because of this, attempting to pinpoint the exact moment a person loses their virginity is subjective.

People within the LGBT community may never have vaginal sex in its assumed form, but that doesn’t mean that they still consider themselves virgins.

“When you lose your virginity for the first time, it immediately embeds in your mind as… ‘this is a memory, this is a milestone.’ You start thinking, ‘From this point on, it’s going to be different.’ So afterward, it’s almost silent — even in your mind.”

Andrew Cochran, media productions junior

Cultural and religious influences

Open communication is encouraged when discussing sex and virginity, but it doesn’t always feel natural — especially for families heavily influenced by their cultural backgrounds.

A petroleum engineering freshman, who wished to remain anonymous, said that in Ethiopia, talking about sex and one’s virginity is extremely taboo. When he left Ethiopia and came to the United States in middle school, he was surprised by how differently Americans approached sex.

“When I say it’s taboo, I mean it was taboo to see people kissing in a movie (in Ethiopia). I’d seen one movie where (the actors) did that, and I was like, ‘Oh my god, I can’t believe they actually did that on screen,’ ” he said.

“Like with my parents, I’ve seen them hug … but I’ve never seen them kiss on the lips or anything.”

Biology senior Thao Mai associates the word “purity” with virginity, because religion is prominent in his life and he was raised believing sex should be saved for marriage. Mai said that while premarital sex is looked down upon in a lot of religious teachings, his parents didn’t raise him to believe someone would be condemned for it.

“My parents really wanted me to find (pure love), but they also were like, ‘It wouldn’t be the end of the world if you weren’t (a virgin),’ ” Mai said.

Getting intimate

Sex and intimacy aren’t one in the same, but most students who were interviewed said they believe sex to be more meaningful if done with a special partner or spouse.

Accounting freshman Meshech Narcelles said his parents encouraged him to wait until marriage, and while he isn’t a virgin, he said he did wait until he met the right person — his girlfriend he’s been dating since high school.

“Sex is super personal and super intimate, and getting intimate with a girl or guy shouldn’t be seen as a goal or an accomplishment. When you have sex with someone while in a relationship, it’s seen as a benefit,” Narcelles said.

“You’ve gotten to that level where you’re comfortable with that person. So why would you go around and parade that? It kind of loses its meaning to it.”

The double standard

When students were asked to consider the different social expectations of men and women and losing their virginities, it was obvious that most men and women had been exposed to the conversation of sex differently.

Broadcast journalism junior Brenda Matute said she was raised to keep her virginity until marriage by her parents and has felt her mother’s influence on her life the most.

“Anything I did, (my mom) would be like, ‘Do good in school, and don’t get with a guy because all he will want is sex.’ That’s all I’ve ever heard,” Matute said.

Both women and men recognize the double standard but are unsure how to counteract the stigmas surrounding virginity and gender.

“If it’s a one-night stand, the guy is going to be praised, and the girl will be looked down upon,” Narcelles said. “I don’t like it, but a lot of the time I even find myself following the double standard inadvertently, because it’s so common throughout life.”

Good sex takes time

Media production senior Vanessa Phillips said her first time was very different than the stereotypical virginity stories she’s heard before. Phillips said that in the small town she grew up in, everyone was having sex very young and she felt pressure to fit in and be accepted.

Phillips said that she was 11 years old when she lost her virginity, and while her first time wasn’t painful, it didn’t feel good either. She said it took a few times before it started feeling good, and she dealt with some inner turmoil until it did.

“I remember thinking, ‘What the hell is the point of all this?’ I thought it was supposed to be awesome. The second time was still not good, because it… felt like I was just there for him,” Phillips said. “I remember feeling terrified and thinking, ‘This isn’t gonna work…it’s going to defeat the purpose of all of it.’ But then we did it a third time, and that third time was amazing. I was like, ‘This is what it’s supposed to feel like!”

Bottom line is that losing one’s virginity is different for every single person because every single person is different. For some, this act can be insurmountable. For others, it doesn’t hold much weight in who they became as a person.

Sex is an act that is constantly evolving, so the conversation concerning having sex for the first time should change too.

‘A natural, human experience’

“It was awesome — for me, at least,” said media productions senior Jonathan Fernandez when asked to share his story of losing his virginity. Fernandez said he was 17 years old when he lost his virginity to his high school girlfriend of nine months.

“It was awkward, too, because I had no idea what I was doing,” he said. “Then I also didn’t expect it to happen that day … and I was scared that her parents were going to come in because they were out and weren’t supposed to be there.”

Fernandez’s experience was similar to that of other people his age, with The Center for Disease Control and Prevention reporting in 2010 that 17 is the average age most men and women lose their virginity.

While Fernandez said he and his girlfriend didn’t date for much longer after that day, he said virginity should just be taken as what it is: a “natural, human experience.”

“Don’t rush it, because a lot of people rush it. It should be something that just happens on its own when the time is right,” Fernandez said.

“Later on in life, you will meet the person you will have sex with for the rest of your life. And it’ll be the best — not necessarily because it’s the best sex or anything — but just because it’s the person you’re meant to be with.”


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The Cougar sits down with a sex therapist

sex therapist

Director of Counseling and Psychological Services Norma Ngo. | Ciara Rouege/The Cougar

It’s hard to imagine anyone could find intimidation in Counseling and Psychological Services Director Dr. Norma Ngo’s soft voice or the soothing atmosphere of her office. But research shows most couples wait a six-year average before seeking professional help for their sex and relationship problems.

Ngo specializes in sex therapy and has more than 20 years’ experience with advising students on everything ranging from sexual performance to transgender dysphoria. She runs a private practice but also advises UH students and their partners, who may or may not attend the university.

The Cougar scheduled an appointment at CAPS to learn more about having a healthy sex life and relationship.

The Cougar: What do you think about couples using porn to spice up their sex life?

Norma Ngo: When you use it in the context of adding an additional stimulus to the relationship, it can be a shared couple activity. It is part of an erotic style—a repertoire. It’s great. It really enhances. It’s only when it becomes something that may be done in secrecy, or excessively…then it may become more of a problem.

TC: Can introducing porn make partners set unrealistic sexual expectations for each other?

NN: Expressing what “I’m” comfortable with and what “I’m” going to consent to is really important. A lot of times the expectations might not be coming so much from the individual. It comes from society. We’re kind of an on-demand society…and that applies to sex as well. Sex equals intercourse and it equals orgasm. I try to educate where sex is a whole range. It’s about pleasure. Let’s not forget about pleasure: touch—sensual touch, erotic touch that can lead to intercourse. When touch does not (lead to intercourse), it is called non-demand touch. So there is no pressure about ‘I have to perform’. Sex is not a pass or fail test. It’s about sexual exploration and pleasure—giving myself pleasure and giving my partner pleasure.

TC: What advice do you have for women who want to experiment with vibrators?

NN: I fully support women who are interested in experimenting with their sexuality. It is important that you know your body—you know what you find pleasurable because then you can communicate that to your partner. If you don’t know your own body and what you find pleasurable and what turns you on, then it’s going to be a lot harder when you’re with your partner. ‘What do you like?’ ‘Take my hand.’ ‘Show me.’ ‘Verbalize it to me.’ The more confident you feel because you’re exploring your own body…then you’re going to feel more confident to say, ‘hey, I know what I like. Let me show you.’

TC: In pop culture, we always joke about men masturbating. Are women masturbating too?

NN: I don’t think women are doing it as much as men. I think women need to do it more. I read it somewhere recently that some women have not masturbated until they got married. There is not as much support or education about women sexuality. It’s ok for women to explore sex and have pleasure. For men, the penis is there…from birth. They’re used to touching it. There is kind of a double standard in some way. It’s okay for men to masturbate, but for women…there is more taboo and shame around masturbating.

TC: Is bondage a healthy way of experimenting with sex?

NN: That’s one of the wide ranges of sexuality. If it is consensual, safe and sane, I think there is a range that people can engage in and it’s ok. You have lots of forms of BDSM…really the word is kink. They have safe words. They have to create a safe word so that if any one of the individuals is feeling uncomfortable or wants to stop it, they can say the safe word and then it stops. At any point and time during the process—before and after—if (a person) feels differently, they should feel they can get out of it. We need to be able to allow people to explore because it’s their bodies. As long as they’re not hurting someone else. And as long as everyone is truly consenting to it and not be forced or coerced in anyway.

TC: Can casual sex have negative or positive impacts on an individual?

NN: OK. So the short answer is: if you’re going into it consenting and knowing it is casual sex and not expecting more than that, it can be ok. Long-term casual sex is probably not good…because it’s probably less about pleasure, less about connecting and less about being an intimate team. It’s probably more about orgasm and intercourse. It doesn’t facilitate pleasure and an emotional intimacy connection as much.

TC: Can a person be addicted to sex in the way people can develop a dependency to alcohol or drugs?

NN: That’s kind of controversial in the field actually: the word ‘addiction’ to sex. You have a camp that believes there are people who are addicted to sex, and then there are many sex therapist who say that it’s not an addiction…it’s more about an underlying issue that is causing you to want to engage in sex all the time. It’s more that you’re avoiding something. If we go deeper into understanding you anxiety about something or your depression about something, then we can resolve the issue. You don’t necessarily have a disease…a biological or physiological problem.

TC: What is the professional sex therapy community saying about sexual fetishes?

NN: It’s a part of being kinky. You’re talking to a sex therapist, so it’s always going to be about being sex positive. Again, we should allow people to (have fetishes) and not shaming them. Just because I don’t do it, doesn’t mean that you can’t do it. If you’re not hurting people, if there is no abuse of children and you’re not breaking the law, then it’s okay.

TC: What is your take on on-and-off relationships?

NN: They’re figuring it out. They might be trying to get to know each other. They might be trying to figure out if ‘I’m not really sure I want to be in this relationship.’ Or ‘It’s going to take some work if I’m going to be in a relationship.’ And that is true for any couple. It doesn’t matter how strong and healthy they are. You have to work on the little things and the little ways that you connect. It help your friendship and your fondness of each other.


The Cougar sits down with a sex therapist” was originally posted on The Daily Cougar

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