$250 million is a lot. There’s no denying it. BUT, as soon as it’s spent on something that costs more than a dollar—say a residential college—the pretty handsome $250 million is transformed to X number of pieces of shit sitting in a big pile on the floor in the middle of your room. In light of the largest alumni donation to Yale in its long history, allow us to show Charles B. Johnson other ways in which he could have spent his very generous chunk of change:
188,250.18 lbs. of gold
31,250,000 Durfee’s swipes
66.88 Canada Goose coats for every enrolled Yale College student
Or more generally, 312,500 Canada Goose coats
125 Bughattis
1,250 Porsches
916.08 average American houses
1087.784 Ferraris
4166666.667 grams of cocaine
0.24 2012 Obama presidential campaigns
Like 5 private jets
71428571 Big Macs
The yearly budget for the Central African Republic
83.3 private Kanye West concerts — but only 41.65 private concerts if you want both Kanye and Jay-Z
The Louisiana Purchase, in today’s money
50,000,000 malaria nets
16.6 predator drones
9 seasons of having A-Rod on your team
0.00025 Iraq wars
0.5 New Haven annual budgets
3337837.1 standard butt plugs
50,000 hot tubs
125/134ths of this painting
2.5 Jessica Simpsons
1 billion buttery scoops of cookie dough
5,000,000 Toad’s entrees
514,403.29 shares of Apple
The Washington Post
25.77 Flynn White trust funds
250,000,000 things at a 99 cent store
6,250,000 pairs of Yale Crocs
3 Maison Mathis croissants and a small coffee
~1113 Yale educations
2,083,333,333 double-sided printed pages at Bass
We’ll have to double check, but we think you can buy love with this amount of money
20 hours of government shutdown
115,740.74 Louis Vuitton suit cases
2,500 America’s Next Top Model contracts with Elite Model Management
1.11 “We Can’t Stop”s (if its priced at a dollar per YouTube view)
50,000 weekend-long dates with one of the cast members of the Showtime reality television show, Gigolos
27,777,777 boxes of Franzia Rosé
25,641,025 packs of yellow American Spirits from the Chapel St. Mini Mart
16,666,666.7 bottles 500mL Dubra
19, 230, 769.2 bottles 500mL Aristocrat
28, 833, 333.3 bottles 500mL Burnett’s Maple Syrup Flavored Vodka
235.84 diamond/gem-encrusted bottles of Diva Vodka
166,666.667 Mike Tyson face tattoos