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$250 million = X(____________)—the thing$ Charles Johnson could have spent his $$$ on

$250 million is a lot. There’s no denying it. BUT, as soon as it’s spent on something that costs more than a dollar—say a residential college—the pretty handsome $250 million is transformed to X number of pieces of shit sitting in a big pile on the floor in the middle of your room. In light of the largest alumni donation to Yale in its long history, allow us to show Charles B. Johnson other ways in which he could have spent his very generous chunk of change:

188,250.18 lbs. of gold

31,250,000 Durfee’s swipes

66.88 Canada Goose coats for every enrolled Yale College student

Or more generally, 312,500 Canada Goose coats

125 Bughattis

1,250 Porsches

916.08 average American houses

1087.784 Ferraris

4166666.667 grams of cocaine

0.24 2012 Obama presidential campaigns

Like 5 private jets

71428571 Big Macs

The yearly budget for the Central African Republic

83.3 private Kanye West concerts — but only 41.65 private concerts if you want both Kanye and Jay-Z

The Louisiana Purchase, in today’s money

50,000,000 malaria nets

16.6  predator drones

9 seasons of having A-Rod on your team

0.00025 Iraq wars

0.5 New Haven annual budgets

3337837.1 standard butt plugs

50,000 hot tubs

125/134ths of this painting 

2.5 Jessica Simpsons

1 billion buttery scoops of cookie dough

5,000,000 Toad’s entrees

514,403.29 shares of Apple

The Washington Post

25.77 Flynn White trust funds

250,000,000 things at a 99 cent store

6,250,000 pairs of Yale Crocs

3 Maison Mathis croissants and a small coffee

~1113 Yale educations

2,083,333,333 double-sided printed pages at Bass

We’ll have to double check, but we think you can buy love with this amount of money

20 hours of government shutdown

115,740.74 Louis Vuitton suit cases

2,500 America’s Next Top Model contracts with Elite Model Management

1.11 “We Can’t Stop”s (if its priced at a dollar per YouTube view)

50,000  weekend-long dates with one of the cast members of the Showtime reality television show, Gigolos

27,777,777 boxes of Franzia Rosé

25,641,025  packs of yellow American Spirits from the Chapel St. Mini Mart

16,666,666.7 bottles 500mL Dubra

19, 230, 769.2 bottles 500mL Aristocrat

28, 833, 333.3 bottles 500mL Burnett’s Maple Syrup Flavored Vodka

235.84 diamond/gem-encrusted bottles of Diva Vodka

166,666.667 Mike Tyson face tattoos

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BREAKING: Udry wearing a normal shirt

In what could be classified as no less than a wardrobe malfunction, students in Economics Professor Christopher Udry’s Introductory Microeconomics course were shocked to see him in what looks to be a navy blue waffle-weave thermal shirt.

“I would literally rather see him naked,” a girl on the crew team told the Bullblog. “Udry should be wearing a vaguely-Hawaiian-inspired tunic, and he’s not.”

“Do you know what that box above the marginal cost curve is?” she added.

Udry acknowledged the change as a weather-related decision.  At the time of this post, 15 students have dropped the class, citing his radical outfit change as the major reason.

“Maybe it’s the government shutdown,” a freshman suggested. “Speaking of which, what is a natural monopoly?”

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YDN board 2013-2014

Editor-in-Chief: Julia Zorthian

Managing Editors: Jane Darby Menton, Anya Grenier

Online: Cynthia Hua

News: Amy Wang, Sophie Gould

City: Michelle Hackman, Monica Disare

Opinion: Geng Ngarmboonanant, Emma Goldberg

Features: Lorenzo Ligato

Culture: Aleksandra Gjorgievska

Sci/Tech: Dan Weiner

Sports: Alex Eppler, Charles Condro 

Weekend: Jackson McHenry, Yanan Wang, Elaina Plott

Congratulations(?) to all of you.

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Meaningful change NOW—bring Soulcycle to New Haven!

In case you’ve been living under a rock (and have therefore missed this week’s Herald cover story), you should know that politics are coming to the forefront of every informed Elm Citizen’s conversational arsenal. Tomorrow is the Democratic municipal primary, and after 20 years of Mayor John DeStefano, New Haven is on the cusp of some pretty serious change. If you’re registered to vote, you’ve got no excuse not to. If you don’t know your polling place, stick with us—we’ll help you out.

And while we’re talking about change, the Bullblog is playing another, very different role in the democratic procedure. Every day, New Haven residents and Yale students alike experience systematic deprivation. It has come to the attention of our civic-minded staff that our otherwise beautiful Elm City has, like, nowhere to spin.

This ends now. On Change.org, you’ll find a petition that we created for the purpose of seizing an opportunity—in the form of an empty, prominently located storefront—and developing it into the institution that we most desperately need in these troubled times. Sign now—or be forever condemned to lame cardio.

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Course listings unleashed—get ready, world

It’s scarily hard to believe that classes have been over for, like, two months. (Seriously, what have you done since April 26th?) If this whole “summer relaxation” thing is getting as old for you as it is for us, you’ll be pleased to see that the Bullblog has a quick fix for any and all late-June ennui. In the spirit of hacks, leaks, and whistleblowers worldwide, we’re proud to present, without further ado: Yale Bluebook 2013-14, bootleg edition.
That’s right—thanks to some help from a handy tip that seems to be circulating on basically every panlist, we hacked Yale College’s course offerings for next year. And by following the three super-easy steps below, you can too. It’s simple, foolproof, and accessible even from your internship computer where you’re tryna look professional. And it will revolutionize your summer stalking. 

* * *

How to see course offerings 2013-14:

1. From this list, select a department with classes you’re tryna see.
2. At the top of each department page, you should find a link to their course listings. Click it—it’ll take you to a list of all the courses your department of interest offered during the 2012-13 school year.
3. The URL of the page where you find yourself should end with “&term=201203&term=201301″—just shift it all a year forward, so that it reads “&term=201303&term=201401″. A simple copy/paste should do the trick for all department pages.

* * *

 

That should take you where you want to go! We’ve now checked pretty comprehensively, and can say that the course listings we’ve found look accurate, although they might be incomplete. Check it out. Check early, and check often. Maybe this fall will be the semester for you to finally attain that ever-elusive perfectly balanced schedule. Or maybe you’ll just overthink it again. Either way, you’re welcome.
Summer love,
The Bullblog

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Class of 2017, smh

Yesterday, Gawker reported that they had access to the college essays of the Columbia Class of 2017, to help prep all the future Suzy Lee Weisses of the world. How did they get them? No, they didn’t succeed in a massive hack into Columbia Admissions HQ. They just found the public Google Drive where the students had uploaded the essays themselves, as part of an attempt to over-share and over-care (holla, society!) coordinated by a student in the Columbia Class of 2017 Facebook group. Lucky for us, this student has committed to Yale instead. Here’s the transcribed text of the facebook post he posted in the Yale Class of 2017 group yesterday afternoon. We’re going to nickname him Accidental Julian Assange, to protect his privacy:

“omg GUYS ok so that essay google drive thing we did I also started on the columbia page (but I’ve committed to yale so whateva) but a guy from columbia just called me and said that the drive link made its way to some blog (I think he said gopper but idk what kind of blog that is? like wut) and that like 10,000 people had viewed the blog with like 70 kids’ essays in the drive which was linked to the blog. so I deleted the folder in the drive since I didn’t know what to do and since I was the owner I hope they all went away but idk the internet is mysterious and I know this was rambly but this just happened and I just freaked out ok like HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN thanks for reading I hope our drive link thing isn’t all public like the one I made for columbia was so yeah that’s my story”

Soooo excited to go read Gopper, guys.

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New Haven Mayoral Debate

Check out our coverage of yesterday’s New Haven Mayoral Debate here!

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BREAKING: Yale’s 26 most impressive.

R u among those Business Insider deems “Yale’s Most Impressive”? Check it out.

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Overheard at Bulldog Days

The Bulldog Days might be over, but the voices of the roughly 1200 pre-frosh can still live on in your heads forever! Here’s a list of actual quotes made by your actual pre-frosh, and we assure you, they were said in earnest:

“Silliman has like the best buttery, and they also a dance studio. I don’t dance normally, but like I’d try it once”

“Do you like science?”

“OMG we had the SAME PIANO TEACHER”

“I heard Wesleyan is pretty good—it’s like a top six liberal arts school”

“The a capella groups throw huge parties, I hear they’re like the frats of Yale”

“Whipped cream vodka is my favorite”

“I can’t believe I’m in the same room as Akhil Amar right now”

“Where do the engineers live?”

“The YPU seems really awesome”

“Do you know anyone in the YPU? Because they all seemed like freaks and Barney Frank wasn’t at all down with them.”

“Jonathan Edwards seems like a really nice college”

“Is it a requirement to be hot to be in the Duke’s men?”

“Where is SSS 114?”

“Should I do DS?”

“Should I stick with Spanish, or start a new language? Ugh.”

“How much should i study for placement tests?”

“I was thinking about doing YDN, but now I’m thinking I wont have time.”

“Stuyvesant is 16% Asian and super competitive.”

“OMG! There’s an outlet!” (a prefrosh and I actually said that at the same time)

“Texas has like a fewwwwww good schools i guess.”

“Age is arbitrary.”

Person 1:”What’s American studies?”
Person 2:”I don’t know but its not something little kids grow up dreaming of…””Is everyone here caught up on Downton Abbey?…I don’t wanna ruin it for anyone. David, are you sure you’re not gonna watch it?”

“I’m not sure if i should pick Yale or Yale-NUS.”

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Secret Society 2014: Who they are and how they got in!

The Rumpus gives you raw data. The Bullblog gives you context. (And Kitty Sherrill, too, to round out Wolf’s Head 2014.) Freak out, everybody. The list is here. To those mentioned below, we hope this list provides an ice-breaker for your new panlists!

SKULL AND BONES

Frankie Costa
Wrote, arranged, performed, recorded and produced the hit single “Earth Angel”

Cindy Ok
A writer and die-hard ENFP <3

Terrence Chin-Loy
Hailed on Facebook as “America’s favorite Jamaican tenor!”

Chandler Rosenthal
A consistent underachiever.

Sesenu Woldemariam
Not to be confused with the name of every obscure Harry Potter character.

Leah Sarna
Wrote an essay entitled “Eli” at age 13.

Gabe Murchison
Find him on Etsy?

Kyle Huztler
“He is interested in American economic competitiveness issues.”

Katie Leiby
Knows the secrets of the Eiffel Tower.

Josh kalla
Debate partner of the “Earth Angel” kid.

Beau Palin
Showed Chloe Drimal his silky sheets and bull testicles

Becky Aston
Slammed Exeter with her poetry.

Jan Kolmas
His website has a nice color scheme.

Katie Aragon
A new twist on an old favorite.

Wazhma Sadat
TEDxWazhma

Wolf’s Head

Beth LaBossiere
Plays volleyball, is a sorceress.

Bryan Epps
Whether he is hiking, exploring New Haven’s East Rock or planning YCC projects…

Alda Pontes
Also played volleyball, serving 0.2 aces per set.

Geoffrey Litt
Cellist, roboticist.

Brandon Levin
Most Overused Word: “Ostensibly; it’s terrible, but I use it all the time.”

Ethan Karetsky
Similar to Gavin Degraw, Sister Hazel

Cody Wilkins
Tells jokes about having sex with women!

Gwen Tilghman
Shoutout to her favorite words: quell and pernicious!

Isaac Wasserman
The Herald discovered him first.

Julie Aust
Former transporter (?) of Redhot & Blue.

Andrew Winter
Branford IM squash captain, according to Herald shout-out.

Ifeanyi Awachie
Changed her Google+ profile picture in 2011.

Raquel Zepeda-Garcia
Her impostor has an account on Rummikub.com.

Katherine Sherrill
New Orleans debutante and IM Hockey Champion.

Harry Graver
Interned at College Humor.

Chelsea Lane
Famous for her supporting role in “Sh*t Harpists Say”

SCROLL AND KEY

Alec Joyner
Wears a scarf in a YouTube video WITH AN AD.

Andrew Hendricks
“Has become used to receiving strange looks…”

Ava Kofman
Got trolled by The Anti-Yale.

Eli Mandel
D.H. Lawrence is stuck in his head. Get him out!

Camilla Tomlinson
So good at squash they made a caricature of her.

Deniz Uz
Has a key to Battel Chapel; former suitemate of Michael Rosen, Keys ’14

Jun Luke Foster
Tickles the ivories.

Katherine Lawrence
Is reading Beloved and really likes it so far.

Nia Holston
524 tweets, but her account is private :(

Liang Yu
Presented “The Evolution of the Sunyaev-Zel’dovich Effect Scaling Relation of Galaxy Clusters”

Madeline Yozwiak
Favorite food: Mango Gelato. Favorite type of panel: Solar Panel. 

Melissa Chapman
A fast runner.

Michael DiScala
Not this guy.

Michael Rosen
Danced topless in a multipurpose room.

Zora Howard
Merchandise available here.

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