Taylor,
I’ve been sleeping with this guy for the last 6 months on and off. He keeps saying its just sex but when we are together it doesn’t feel like “just sex.” I’m sick of not knowing where we stand, but every time I bring it up he says I’m too clingy and doesn’t want to talk about it.
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
-Tired of Being a Leash

Dear Tired of Being a Leash,

For most people, separating physical and emotional love is extremely difficult. Being romantically involved without any form of physical love is rare — as is a successful partnership that is strictly limited to the physical. To some extent, you can’t have one without the other because the line between the two becomes blurred.

Too many people have attempted to have relationships limited to “just sex” and have found themselves in your situation. The relationship that began as merely physical attraction quickly turned into something more. It’s a classic and it is awful.

Physical relationships tend to leave one person feeling used, as you do now. Feelings are forming, but nothing is being reciprocated. It’s degrading and depressing, and it can be really difficult to say no when you really care about someone, even when you know they don’t feel the same for you.

It’s not worth the stress of balancing feelings that are not mutual. Six months is a long time to uphold a “just sex” relationship. Sometimes it can seem rational to comply with whatever the other person wants simply to avoid losing them. If you want to have a more meaningful relationship and this person isn’t giving you that opportunity, I would advise you to walk away.

If the relationship is going to work out, this person will realize that they have feelings too. Ending a “just sex” relationship can be really uncomfortable because it feels like a break up, even though you were never dating. This will definitely be hard for you, but in the end, you’ll be glad you did it.

I understand that you may have a mutual desire to occasionally relieve yourself of sexual deprivation, but feeling good for brief moments isn’t worth feeling hurt all the time. You’re never going to feel entirely satisfied if you’re not getting what you really want. Don’t be tricked into believing in feelings that aren’t real.

If this person is accusing you of being clingy when you ask to talk about emotions, they probably aren’t ready for commitment. It isn’t “clingy” to want communication. You should consider whether this person is really worth the stress.

Being kept on a leash is frustrating and cutting the leash is difficult, but it’s best to look out for yourself. If this person isn’t pleasing you, you shouldn’t comply with what they want. If you don’t want to have “just sex,” you don’t have to.

Best of luck,

T

If you have any questions, submit them here!

**Editor’s note: This story first appeared in the Emerald’s “Back to the Books” edition, which is currently available in locations throughout Eugene.**

Freshmen year inevitably includes an abundance of firsts.

It’s your first night in the dorms, your first college class and your first time doing laundry. But what truly makes this first week scary is the undeniable realization that your life is in motion. The purgatory of high school has ended, and your decisions suddenly matter in the grand scheme of life.

In the beginning, these thoughts are terrifying, but freshmen year will be unlike any other. As a tribute to my confused freshmen self, I’d like to offer some advice for your first year of college.

Take care of your body and your mind. For many, the freshman fifteen is not a myth. Luckily for you, the University of Oregon has a fantastic Recreation Center. Use it. More importantly, don’t hate yourself over a few extra pounds. Our teenage metabolisms are failing us all.

Take care of the person you share your space with. Having a roommate can be challenging, but it’s a lot of fun. Be mindful of their alone time and never assume they know your boundaries. Roommates often turn into forever friends, so be kind to them.

Don’t be too quick to judge the people you encounter. Initially, I hated some of the people I met at school, but they later became dear friends. Being in college will give you the opportunity to create relationships with people you may otherwise have never met.

Professors are assets. If you like your professor when they are speaking to 300 people, you will love them outside of class. Even if you don’t have questions, visiting office hours can be extremely beneficial to you. Professors have ample knowledge and they want to help you succeed. Go to office hours often and get to know your professors. You won’t regret it.

You will have plenty of time to complete your requirements. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to be undeclared. Take all the classes you’re interested in and browse your options. If you put yourself on a one-way track to a psychology degree, you may never discover that you have a passion for political science.

Your major will shape the way you view the world, so do something you love. Stop worrying about which majors have the highest starting salary. If you love philosophy, be a philosophy major. My friends and I spent countless nights crammed in a dorm room stressing over majors. Little did we know, it is not a decision that can be made by reading descriptions.

If nothing else, be bold. Since it’s a year of firsts, it will not be flawless. Have an open mind in everything you do. We are here to learn, even when we aren’t in class. A significant portion of the knowledge you gain in the coming four years will be from your experiences. So, never shy away from an opportunity. The misadventures are as crucial as the triumphs.

Education is absolutely priceless. You have four years to figure out who you are. Enjoy all of the firsts, even as they become mundane.

Slightly Stoopid fans are not afraid to dance.

Last night, Stick Figure, Dirty Heads and Slightly Stoopid stopped at Eugene’s Cuthbert Amphitheater as part of their Everything Is Awesome summer tour, and the concert left me with a happy heart and bobbing head.

The crowd at this show was unlike any other: they danced with no shame and everyone was kind to each other. There would be no mosh pits at this show because everyone was genuinely enjoying themselves.

As I approached Cuthbert, a cast of characters greeted me. Reggae fans of every variety covered the lawns. People of all ages were abuzz with excitement. Stick Figure started off the night strong. Their cool, rhythmic sound set the relaxing summertime vibe that continued through the night. Stick Figure was a strong start to the night that gave everyone high expectations for what was to come next.

The Dirty Heads, on the other hand, did not have a particularly lax set in mind. The band took the stage accompanied by throbbing music that changed the mood from chill to electric. Energy was high and the band didn’t miss a beat.

They began by picking up the pace after Stick Figure’s picturesque summer set. Midway through, the Dirty Heads slowed things down with Lay Me Down. The crowd couldn’t resist singing along and everyone in the amphitheater united in song. It was a perfect moment on the perfect summer night.

Then, the sounds were changed up again. The Dirty Heads began playing some heavier songs that had their audience thrashing. They kept a nice balance between reggae and rap sounds without letting the set feel sporadic. As they played “Silence,” the amphitheater became a massive party. The people on the back lawn were doing the wave and energy was off the charts.

The set ended, appropriately, with a dance party. They played a recorded remix of their radio hit “My Sweet Summer” and danced along with the crowd before exiting the stage. Everyone in the crowd was excitedly anticipating the main event.

After a grueling half hour of conversation, Slightly Stoopid finally hit the stage. They started their set by playing “Dabbington”, which is the first song on their newest album, Meanwhile…Back at the Lab. The song acts as the perfect introduction to the album as well as the show.

Slightly Stoopid is a particularly unique and exceptional reggae rock band, because they incorporate a saxophone and a trumpet into many of their songs. This gives their reggae somewhat of a jazzier feel, which makes Slightly Stoopid one of a kind.

Their best song was “Collie Man.” As lead singer, Miles Doughty, called out “collie, collie”, the whole audience seemed to be at peace.

Slightly Stoopid was the Saturday night destination for the perfect summer night. Smooth reggae tunes, warm weather and a vibin’ crowd made for an outdoor concert experience.

If you missed this show, I would recommend seeing Sublime with Rome on August 28^th for some quality reggae sounds.

Lanny Mitchell was born a performer. But even he probably didn’t expect to tour Broadway and dance with legends like Michael Jackson and Bob Fosse.

Mitchell grew up in Pasadena, California, and had a reputation for singing at the top of his lungs in the early hours of the morning.

“I’m a singer, that’s my forte. The dancing and acting came after,” Mitchell said.

Out of high school, he attended California State University, Los Angeles. But with a year and a half of college under his belt, he was cast for his first broadway tour in The Wiz.

This was the first of many professional shows.

Throughout his life, Mitchell has performed countless roles. He appeared on New York’s Broadway stages in Sophisticated Ladies, Dream Girls, The Wiz and Dancing with Bob Fosse himself.

I was shocked at the mention of Bob Fosse — a revolutionary dancer and choreographer whose unique syncopated and isolated movements appear in musicals like Chicago, Cabaret, All The Jazz and many more. Mitchell worked with many world famous names like Gregory Hines, Michael Bennett, Louis Jordan and Twyla Tharp as well.

But the name that really took me by surprise: Michael Jackson. Lanny danced in some of Jackson’s most famous music videos such as Bad, Beat it and Thriller. He recalls being amazed at Jackson’s ability. After he and the other dancers had practiced a routine for a month, Jackson would walk in and film the shot in three takes.

“It was unreal. It was amazing. Because we were all professionals and we were left with our jaws dropped. And that’s hard to do when you have a bunch of diva dancers,” Mitchell said.

But working with big names wasn’t always easy.

Mitchell was once cast as a lead dancer for Lester Wilson — a choreographer best known for his work in Saturday Night Fever with John Travolta. On his first day, while learning choreography from Wilson, Mitchell let out a gasp of amazement at the routine. Later that day, Mitchell received a phone call from his agent notifying him that Wilson had let him go due to his outburst. There’s no business like show business, I guess.

After 19 years of living on the east coast, Mitchell is sharing his wealth of knowledge and experience with children in Eugene.

Upstart Crow Studios, a local children’s theater in Eugene, is unlike any other because every child that auditions is cast in the show. This means casts might be as big as 50 kids, which can be hard to handle for those in charge. When the founder, owner and director at Upstart Crow, Eularee Smith, was diagnosed with cancer, she had to hire a replacement director for the group’s production of Mary Poppins.

Mitchell boldly directed the show, taking on 54 young actors and actresses.

Originally, Mitchell came to Eugene to be closer to his West Coast family, but claims he has found a second family at Upstart Crow. He believes that “theater is for all talent” and he admires the way Upstart gives every kid an opportunity to perform.

Mitchell has faced unexpected challenges while working with kids from the West Coast. Children from the East Coast are often more familiar with Broadway and performing, while the performance world can be foreign to those growing up out west.

“There is a lot of talent here, but they just don’t know it,” Mitchell said.

Mitchell can be spotted in studios and theaters all over Eugene. In August, he will be participating in a filmed reading of an up-and-coming Broadway show written by a Lane Community College alumnus.

Tavari Groesbeck, a student at Upstart Crow, appreciates Mitchell’s dedication.

“He works hard for us and he always stays after rehearsal if we need extra help. He’s a great person to have around,” Groesbeck said.

Facebook was originally created for college students, but parents have invaded.

Most millennials have migrated to Twitter or Instagram; Facebook is for business purposes only. But for the generation born thirty years prior to us, Facebook is poppin’ off. The excess of middle-aged adults may be the real reason our generation deserted the site. Many adults initially joined the sight to monitor their kids, but they have since taken over completely.

There are two types of adults on Facebook. There are the adults that don’t understand how to use Facebook and there are the adults who abuse Facebook.

Parents who don’t understand Facebook can seem ridiculous. They are either astounded or concerned when they receive their first friend request. They are baffled by the thought of posting a status. As you explain that others are interested in what they are doing, they’re completely freaked out. These are the same adults that still have a landline phone and constantly indulge in telling stories of “the golden days.”

But the parents who abuse Facebook are much worse. These adults can’t resist the opportunity to connect with someone who was in their third grade class. They love to keep everyone in the know. They boast their children’s accomplishments and send out Candy Crush requests daily.

I have a Facebook mom, big time. I have no doubt that my mom knows how to use it better than I do. My friends regularly learn about my life events before I tell them, because they read my mom’s Facebook posts. Sure, I love it when my mom brags about me to her friends and followers, but I don’t need them to be informed of every lunch outing.

Some things just don’t need to go on the Internet. A lot of the adults on my friend’s list post hourly. These statuses range from a simple “Had fun at the lake” to a 500-word rant about their dinner waitress. At a certain point, you are posting too much and you should consider starting a blog.

But the worst is an adult that constantly shares their political opinions online.

Now, I believe that everyone on Facebook should abide by the cardinal rule: no political debates. If you wouldn’t have the discussion via email or text, it definitely should not be online. While all ages are guilty of public Facebook fighting, a parent-on-parent verbal war prompted my writing this article.

My Facebook feed is constantly over-crowded with political thoughts and opinions. The majority of these posts come from adults. This is likely due to the fact that, like I stated earlier, the younger generation is under represented in the Facebook world. Regardless, I really don’t want to read your crude posts about gay marriage and the confederate flag. Your boss probably doesn’t want to read it either. Social media is not the place for political debate, moms and dads.

At this point, Facebook is almost entirely void of young people. It has become the play place for the over-forty. It’s hard to look cool on a social network that you share with your mom.

No hard feelings, mom.

When I turn on the radio, it triggers an immediate gag reflex. We should be ashamed of ourselves. Our generation’s mainstream music scene is pathetic. In part, we could blame the changes in the way music is produced. But by and large we are the ones responsible for Meghan Trainor’s unfortunate fame.

As I write this, OMI’s Cheerleader is the #1 song on iTunes, which might be the worst song of the decade (in my humble opinion). But the trouble isn’t that the music is annoying, it’s that the popular artists have no real connection to their music. Many mainstream artists, granted not all, don’t make their own music anymore. These artists aren’t attached to their music like they used to be because they aren’t given the opportunity to truly be artists.

Because there is no real relationship between the musician and the music, the top songs lack depth.

Current mainstream music is fairly lighthearted, but it was once powerful and influential. In the ’60s, Woodstock Music Festival was a political movement that went down in history. John Lennon’s “Imagine” is widely considered one of the most influential songs of all time. In 3 minutes, he discusses complex social and political issues like war, religion, hunger and world peace.

Aside from Macklemore’s “Same Love” and a few others, popular songs that influence the masses don’t exist in our era.

We have also robbed ourselves of the fundamental concert experience.

No one buys albums anymore. Most people listen to music via Spotify or Youtube; people don’t want to pay to listen to music. Fans used to wait in line outside record stores on the day an album was released, because they wanted to be the first to hear it. The Internet allows music fans to hear an album for free, so there is no reason to pay for a physical copy. This means artists have to charge more for concert tickets to make up for that loss in revenue.

It costs a pretty penny to see your favorite artists live these days, especially if it’s a popular artist. We’ve normalized paying a hundred dollars to sit in a stadium with binoculars trying to see Ed Sheeran’s face for an hour. Concerts used to be an experience. It might cost fewer than ten dollars to see the biggest bands of the time. The value of a dollar may have been greater, but it’s still amazing that you could see The Rolling Stones for the price of a movie ticket today.

But the shows weren’t just cheaper, they were more passionate too. Artists were connected to their music in a unique way. They interacted with the crowd and they put on a show. Current artists don’t perform the same way.

In May, I saw Courtney Love and Lana Del Ray play at the same concert. The two artists should not have shared a headline, because their styles were vastly different.

Courtney Love came to the stage as any true 90s artist would: absolutely wasted.

She took the stage nearly an hour late, screamed profanities and sounded like the 50-year-old ex-heroin addict and tragedy that she is — but she put on a show. She interacted with her audience, while Lana Del Ray didn’t speak at all. Del Ray was well rehearsed, but not nearly as exciting. Her voice sounded much better, but she was uninteresting in comparison to Love. Del Ray was a carefully curated image juxtaposed with Love’s energy and strife.

My generation’s popular music scene disappoints me.

We’ve lost the authenticity of mainstream music. When we turn on the radio, we hear a lighthearted ballad or an electronic song that simulates a seizure. These artists might influence the music industry, but they don’t influence the masses. I hope that in my lifetime true performers take the charts by storm like they used to.

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.

As Civic Stadium went down in flames just a few weeks ago, childhood memories were lost.

Native Eugenians of all shapes and sizes are grieving over the incineration of the stadium they sat in during the summer months of their youth. But don’t fret, because Eugene has so much more to offer in family friendly entertainment.

Here are some spots to soothe the pain, reminisce on a simpler time, or take your parents when they visit.

The Saturday Market: Food, music, and a hand-crafted marketplace. Every Saturday from April through November, you can stop by the market at Eighth Avenue and Oak Street for Eugene’s finest family fun. Everyone will be satisfied at lunchtime with great options like pad thai and enchiladas. Your food will taste even better while you are enjoying live music. After lunch, you can peruse booths selling everything from hand-painted glassware to tie-dye. Before you go, don’t forget to walk through the farmer’s market across the street and take home some locally grown treats. Don’t forget to check out the drum circle.

The Eugene Public Library: Growing up, I looked forward to a trip to the library with my grandpa. The Eugene Public Library downtown is a great spot for any reader. Library cards are free for Eugene residents. Anyone else can purchase one. Complete with a coffee shop, this is the perfect place to get your book on.

Kesey Square: The livelihood of downtown meets at the intersection of Broadway and Willamette Street, where you’ll find a statue of Ken Kesey, a Eugene native, University of Oregon alumni and nationally recognized novelist (author of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest). Surrounding the courtyard are some of the best food spots in Eugene. Sizzle Pie, VooDoo Doughnut and Killer Burger are some Portland-based businesses that will please any foodie. I’d recommend coffee from The Barn Light and an acai bowl from Slurp to start any day strong.

Cuthbert Amphitheater: If you’re a concertgoer like me, you’ll love the Cuthbert. Catch a show here during the summer months for a great concert experience and a Eugene vibe. Whether you’re a rocker or more of a symphony type, the Cuthbert is sure to have a show for you.

Spencer Butte or Mount Pisgah: If you’re a hiker, Eugene has some awesome hikes that can be reached with a 20-minute drive. Spencer Butte is the easier of the two, but the view of the city is unbeatable. You’ll see everything from Autzen Stadium to Fern Ridge. Mount Pisgah is a bit more scenic. Either destination will leave you breathless.

Lone Pine Farms: If you’re willing to make the drive, Lone Pine Farms is the perfect place for family fun. Farm fresh fruits and vegies, cute animals and good ice cream — what more could you want? Also, in the fall, they host a haunted corn maze. There’s nothing more fun than ghouls and goats.

Alton Baker Park: Not far from campus and crowded with actual ducks, this is a great place to bring the family. Picnics or evening walks by the pond will make you fall in love with this park. I have tons of memories of throwing a Frisbee, feeding the ducks and walking the dog. The park is the venue for plenty of events throughout the year, so you might stumble upon a celebration as you stroll.

Skinner’s Butte: If I’m ever feeling down, Skinner’s is my getaway. It isn’t much of a hike, so most choose to park at the top to enjoy the wonderful view of the city. If you stand on the platform and look down, you’ll see a massive O. (Sco Ducks!) On one side of the butte, there is a killer rock climbing spot that is free and open for public use. In the evenings, this side tends to be quieter. If you walk up the stairs to the left of the wall and climb up the hill a bit, you’ll find a tree that’s great for sitting and looking out over Eugene. It’s one of my favorite places to be and it is butte-iful.

On July 1st, Mary Jane became an official Oregonian. After years of hiding away in Altoid tins, only making an appearance at the Oregon Country Fair, she is finally legal.

Before, only those with particular medical conditions were legally permitted to smoke weed. Laws have changed, but not without some limitations. Though getting high is perfectly legal for anyone over 21, it is illegal to buy or sell marijuana. That’s right, you can be stoned, but you can’t buy weed. So how do you get it? It is legal to give or receive it as a gift and it is legal to grow it. Until October, the stoners will be forced to pick up gardening.

Limitations aside, Eugene is welcoming Mary Jane with open arms. Personally, I’m not so sure.

As a college student, weed can be hard to avoid. Getting high is a recreational sport for some, an everyday activity. Mary Jane can be spotted at every party, at your friend’s apartment, or even in your dorm hall. Despite being illegal, it’s always been pretty accessible.

I voted yes on Measure 91. I don’t shame the people around me for smoking, but I’ve seen what weed can do. “Weed is a gateway drug”, we’ve all rolled our eyes at the phrase. I don’t think recreational smoking will lead to your downfall, but it can become a crutch.

Some smoke to relax, some smoke to get to sleep, some smoke to smile.

When you imagine a friend who smokes every day, you picture a stereotypical stoner. You picture the guy in the drum circle who vaguely smells like the dump, when, in fact, he could be one of the most intelligent people you know. He could be someone who will do something revolutionary.

But when some of my friends are high, something changes. The brilliant guy is robbed of his drive and motivation. The high cheers him up in short term, but it also overwhelms him with laziness. Whether Mary Jane is helping or hindering him becomes a mystery.

This sluggish feeling is an indulgence. When you get high everyday, it becomes a burden. He can’t reach his potential with weed constantly slowing him. He admits that, if he had the willpower, he’d quit smoking altogether.

Smoking is an expensive habit for those who are buying illegally. I know people who spend every cent they earn on cannabis. Over time, daily smoking will become quite expense. And people wonder why college students are so poor.

I should recognize that this is not the case for everyone. Some of the most influential musicians in history owe their greatness to drug addiction, as crazy as that sounds. Addiction to weed might be impossible, but I have seen people abuse weed like any other intoxicant.

Becoming emotionally dependent is as dangerous as addiction. Some become too reliant on weed to get through the day. Depending on a substance to stay happy could be considered an addiction or a remedy. Either way, dependence is risky. Weed isn’t entirely harmless and I have seen it used recklessly.

Like any indulgence, marijuana should be used in moderation. Weed might not kill, but it can slow you down. Regardless, Mary Jane is here to stay.
Well, at least it’s organic.

You’ve seen them before. He has a beard, gauges and a flannel shirt. She has a few tattoos, teal hair and a nose ring. They seem pretentious and they are drowning in 1990s nostalgia. Who are these people? Clearly, they are hipsters.

Oregon has an outrageously large hipster population. Between Eugene, Bend and Portland, there are more hipsters than the microbreweries can handle. The University of Oregon is a millennial hipster’s paradise. A college in a cloudy, environmentally focused city is the ideal hipster habitat. But when the sun shines, the hipsters hide. Hipster culture is not meant for warm weather and Eugene’s hipster population is going to struggle in the summer heat.

Hipsters have many defining characteristics and favorable activities that leave them suffering in the summer sun.

The Beard

A well-maintained beard is a very common trait among trendy guys. If you see a man with impressive facial hair, he’s probably a hipster. The trouble is beards in the summer tend to suffocate their owners a bit. Summer time means shaving time, which leaves some hipsters baby-faced and sad.

The Flannels

Hipster dudes and dudettes are known to sport flannels regularly. They like to wear them buttoned to the top button and, occasionally, tucked in. Buttoned up or hanging loose, it is way too hot to be wearing flannel.

The Cardigans, the Beanies, the Scarves, Oh My

Hipsters are accessorizing geniuses. Their outfits always seem to include layers and patterns that would challenge your average shop-a-holic. Unfortunately, the go-to scarves, beanies and cardigans will have to stay at home during the summer months. No outfit is truly complete without a scarf; the hipsters of Eugene are done for.

The Sweaters

Absolutely not. No.

The Coffee

While it is unknown whether the artisan cup of joe serves as an accessory or a pick-me-up, coffee is key in hipster culture. Wandering Goat Coffee Co, Townshend’s Tea House and Tailored Coffee Roasters are hipster hot spots here in Eugene. Step into one of these locations and you will find hipsters by the dozens throughout the year. But realistically, hot drinks should be avoided in the heat. Our poor hipsters will be burning up while they drink their bougie lattes.

The Concerts

Music is central in hipster culture. Concerts are a fundamental part of the lifestyle. During the summer months, concerts often occur in outdoor venues. I don’t care what anyone says, air conditioned concerts are much better than concerts in the sweltering heat. While amphitheaters provide a beautiful environment to see a show, being surrounded by sweaty strangers is not so beautiful. The good news is there are music festivals during the summer, so all you hipsters out there will get more bang for your buck if you can bear the heat.

Summer is hard on Oregon’s hipster population, but alas they will power through it. There are a few trendy qualities and activities that work in whatever weather, so don’t sweat it, hipsters!

Dry weather is ideal for biking and wearing thick-framed glasses. There is plenty of time to read books and play your favorite vinyls. Eugene has an outstanding brewery scene and craft beer events occur regularly; trendy and tipsy makes for a happy hipster. So tie your flannels around your waist and enjoy your cold brew coffees until October! For now, you can substitute your flannel with a patterned button-up tee and your cardigan with a cool vest. Go for the stubble or the mustache look instead of the beard for a few months.

Though their stylish ways are hindered in the heat, there is still hope for Eugene’s hipster culture. And don’t worry, man buns and lavender hair look good year-round.
But step aside hipsters, because it’s hippie season!

No more parties, no more studying and nothing to do with our long summer days. Too many days are spent scrolling through Instagram and watching Netflix. Judging by your feed, everyone else is on an amazing outdoor adventure while you sit and mindlessly consume media. Your life is looking dull in comparison. You’re starting to worry about your followers abandoning you in your time of idleness.

We all worry about the upkeep of our precious social media identities, but we rarely take the time to consider the reason we worry. It seems so important to announce that evening hike. The hike that included a lot of complaining and water breaks, though your caption suggests otherwise.

It’s almost as if the only reason a person leaves their house nowadays is to take photos. Besides, if you didn’t put it on the Internet, did it really happen?

It is easy to get so wrapped up in our social media that it becomes the source of our fulfillment. The amount of “likes” you got on the photo of your morning cup of coffee seems to matter more than it should. Standing on top of a mountain isn’t as satisfying as one hundred “likes” on a photo of you standing on top of that mountain.

Your Instagram portrays your life the way you want others to see it. You create an identity for yourself with your social media and often you have a lot of pride in it. If others don’t validate the self-image that you created by ‘liking’ your photos, it’s a disappointment.

Selfies are extra dangerous. They have problematic potential because they can bring your attention away from how stunningly good looking you are. The public nature of selfies puts a focus on what others deem attractive. Selfies lead to seeking validation of your appearance when it should be about sharing a smile and a thought.

Most of us know what it’s like to be disappointed by a lack of social media attention. I, too, have posted photos that were shamelessly deleted after five minutes due to a low number of “likes”. I have created an online self-image like anyone else. To some extent, we are all guilty of advertising certain personas online.

Becoming too entrenched in your social media can be hard to avoid in a world that depends so heavily on technology. Your real life isn’t satisfying, so you create an image of yourself that does satisfy you. You wish you traveled all the time, so you continuously post photos of the trip you took six months ago to make it look like your life is exciting.

But if you are depending entirely on your Instagram to seem like a unique individual, people will probably think you’re boring in person. Flaunt who you are online instead of who you wish you were and don’t worry about how many people “like” it. Your self-image on Instagram does not equate to the real you. Find fulfillment in other ways.

Put away your camera from time to time and don’t worry about broadcasting every exciting thing you do. It is important to be in the moment. There is something divine about those experiences that cannot be captured in a picture. Derive your satisfaction from those moments, not from the “likes” you get afterward. Next time you are standing on top of a mountain, take it in and do it for you. Life isn’t about the followers.