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Turning a critical eye toward higher ed

Mike Hogan / Opinion Editor

Mike Hogan / Opinion Editor

College is about asking questions and thinking critically. As students at Saint Louis University, we would like to think that we’ve learned these skills. So perhaps it’s natural that we should turn our collective critical eye toward the very system that helped us develop them—the higher education system in the U.S. What did we expect out of college? And what is the reality?

Most people say that higher education isn’t just a means to obtain a better job and earn a fat paycheck. Education opens horizons, builds better citizens and can help people lead more fulfilling lives. And of course, college can be fun.

But at the end of the day, economics is always a factor. If, for some reason, a college degree couldn’t help you get a better job or increase your lifetime earning potential, most people probably wouldn’t go. As enriching and enjoyable as college can be, it’s not something that most people would purchase as a luxury.

Fortunately, we live in a world where a bachelor’s degree still improves your career prospects. But the benefits of going to college aren’t always the same ones that are advertised in the recruitment pamphlets. Ostensibly, students come to college to learn the material on the syllabi. Grades are an ever-present concern, making classroom performance a top priority.

But learning academic subjects is not the only, or even the principal, benefit of going to college. Classroom learning isn’t necessarily what makes a college graduate a valuable employee. In fact, many employers report that college doesn’t teach students the practical skills necessary for a profession; once hired, recent graduates have to learn the ropes while on the job.

Certainly the concepts taught in college courses provide many students with the theoretical underpinnings for their chosen occupations. But it seems that some of the greatest lessons students learn in college aren’t taught in the classroom at all. Social skills, financial responsibility, discipline and meeting deadlines are perhaps the most important things that students learn in college, especially at a four-year university.

This isn’t exactly what universities paint on their billboards, though. “How to deal with bureaucracy” and “How to set your own schedule” don’t sound quite as sexy as “Neuroscience” or “International Business.” Still, the former are just the skills that are necessary to get by in modern society, regardless of which career path you choose. Many of these skills are best gained through extracurriculars, a fact that employers recognize. In this economy, good grades aren’t enough to land a job any more. It’s important to demonstrate commitment to organizations and projects outside the classroom.

Moreover, as cynical as it may sound, sometimes going to college isn’t about learning at all. To some extent, higher education is a credentialing service. The diploma itself is almost as important as the learning it’s supposed to represent. And the value of those credentials varies; it could be argued that attending an expensive school is worthwhile, not because of the improved learning experience, but because of the brand recognition associated with the degree. When it comes to finding employment, the brand name matters. In an interview, it’s a lot easier to flash a fancy alma mater than it is to convince an employer that you’re an intelligent and hardworking individual.

It used to be that a bachelor’s degree was essentially a ticket to a high-powered career. Today, that isn’t necessarily the case. College is a great experience for many people, but it isn’t for everyone. And even those that do attend shouldn’t feel obligated to attend an expensive four-year university; community colleges and studying part-time are great options for those seeking an affordable degree.

As students already enrolled at SLU, this discussion may seem moot. But by considering what we want from our college experience, we can try to make the best of it. And perhaps our insider perspective can help those still deciding which path is right for them.

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Requesting some Midtown additions

Space is scarce around Saint Louis University. It’s one of the trade-offs of situating your school in a city. But there are a few tracts of land adjacent to campus that remain unused. Consider the old buildings on Forest Park Avenue, south of the Laclede Parking Garage. And the basement of the Coronado, once occupied by Chuy’s (rest in peace), remains empty to date. So here’s a list of some additions we’d like to see in the Midtown area:

Build-a-Billiken workshop – Bears are boring. We need a store where you can stuff your own symbol of SLU spirit. Give it as a gift for good luck!

MIM-104 Patriot missile defense system – With tensions between the U.S. and North Korea mounting, we’d feel safer knowing our campus was protected by one of the most advanced missile defense systems in existence. OK, so maybe St. Louis wouldn’t be a primary target, and we’re pretty far from the coast, but you can never be too careful.

Another “Star-potle” – The Chipotle-Starbucks on Grand has been a hit, so much so that we’d like to see another one on the other side of campus. Or maybe two more. Actually, just replace every eatery around campus with Star-potles.

Nap center – Wouldn’t it be great if there were a place where you could just crash between classes? A room full of mattresses would be awesome. OK, so those exist, but they’re typically trying to sell you the mattresses. Come on, we’re in college; ain’t nobody got a dime for that.

Survey center – We just can’t get enough surveys. After a long day of studying, everybody just wants to unwind and rate statements on a scale from “Strongly Agree” to “Strongly Disagree.” But sometimes, after eagerly refreshing your inbox, you realize that there are no more surveys to fill out. Strongly disapprove. There should be a building where you can fill out surveys to your heart’s content. Strongly approve.

Zipcarts – Lots of cities have Zipcar, the car sharing service that allows you to easily rent a car for a day. But that’s tough on the environment, and many of the roads on campus are closed anyway. We want Zipcarts: a center where you can rent one of SLU’s golf carts.

Apple store – Here at SLU, we want only the best merchandise. Golden Delicious? Please. It’s hard to eat healthy on campus, so we want a store that sells all the finest varieties of the world’s greatest fruit. Honeycrisp, Braeburn, Fuji and all your favorites. Oh, you were looking for a computer store? Try the Galleria.

So, there are some suggestions for how to make Midtown a more vibrant (and secure) area. Sure, some may prefer more housing options, or a more lively nightlife scene, but every university has that. These innovative additions would make the SLU area truly unique. And if you disagree, you’ll be able to register your opinion at the new survey center.

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Changing the world, one click at a time

Mike Hogan / Opinion Editor

Mike Hogan / Opinion Editor

Kids these days. They think they can change the world from their desktops. Back in the olden days, a rebellious youngling had to get off of his or her butt, hitchhike to a prominent public space (15 miles away, uphill both ways), and wave a sign around to make a statement (and those signs were homemade, mind you).

But now, kids can’t be bothered to start a movement by actually… moving. Facebook, Twitter and other prominent social media platforms have become the new stage for starting social movements. But is this Internet activism merely “slacktivism,” as the critics claim, a way to make people feel good about themselves without putting in any effort? Or do these new media provide a real way to make a difference?

It largely depends on the issue at hand. Consider the recent campaign in support of same-sex marriage that took the social media scene by storm. Timed to coincide with the Supreme Court’s discussion of California’s Proposition 8, the Human Rights Campaign encouraged Facebook users to change their profile pictures to a red equal sign, indicating their support for equal rights for same-sex couples.

The profile picture promotion certainly made a splash in the media. Enough people swapped their digital facades for mathematical symbols that major media outlets began covering the campaign. But did it make any difference?

In one sense, it certainly did. The outpouring of support from so many people made many members of the LGBT community feel accepted in a way they never had before. Think of it as a reiteration of Rainbow Alliance’s All of Us Campaign on an international scale.

Of course, the question of Proposition 8 was not up for a vote, so in a legal sense there’s not much that campaigners could do. The nine justices of the Supreme Court are supposed to make their decisions based on the law as it is written, not on the sentiments of the populace.

But perhaps, even at a subconscious level, this campaign could make the justices see the writing on the wall for laws like Proposition 8. Most people seem to believe that same-sex marriage will be legalized in this country; it’s just a matter of time.

But the question of same-sex marriage is a unique one in that it’s not just a legal issue. A display of support for same-sex marriage is a display of support for the LGBT community, a community that has historically been marginalized and persecuted. The same cannot be said for some of the other issues that are taken up by social media campaigns.

For instance, remember the Kony 2012 campaign of last year? Invisible Children, Inc. initiated a social media movement calling for the capture of Joseph Kony, the Ugandan cult and militia leader and indicted war criminal. On one hand, this mass social media demonstration could have motivated political leaders to encourage U.S. intervention against Kony. Moreover, it’s always a good idea to inform people of international events so that they can potentially get more involved and make a positive impact.

But there’s a danger in distilling complex political issues into bytes that attention deficient Facebook users will read. And there remains the risk that people will substitute social media posturing for actual engagement with social issues; changing your cover photo is no replacement for actually informing yourself and trying to make a difference.

Even with the equal sign campaign, jumping on the bandwagon isn’t enough to initiate real societal and cultural change. It would be much better to go out and meet someone who is different from yourself, learn something and become a more tolerant and informed person in the process. Social media can be a powerful tool for engaging people in mass movements, but the process of learning and becoming involved can’t stop there. Get informed from in-depth sources, contact your representatives and even consider joining a real-life group that is dedicated to consistently working for change. After all, a few clicks can change your profile picture, but it takes a lot more than that to change the world.

 

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Don’t shrug off ATLAS Week

ATLAS Week started spinning on Monday, April 8, but if you’ve missed it so far, never fear. The momentum will continue for a few more days, including a symposium this evening at 5:30 p.m. featuring keynote speaker John Prendergast, human rights activist, author and former Director for African Affairs at the National Security Council.

Don’t know what ATLAS Week is? You must be living on another planet. As the numerous posters explain, the Sam and Marilyn Fox ATLAS Week program is a series of events intended to bring Saint Louis University students into contact with international events.

Through this program, even students in the heart of the United States can become informed about occurrences around the world. The program’s website says, “One of the main goals of the Atlas Program is to increase awareness of the global issues that confront us today in an effort not only to promote discussion, but also to inspire and inform action.” In this way, SLU students can become true global citizens.

This goal is in line with the Catholic, Jesuit mission of our University. SLU students are called to be “men and women for others.” But “others” includes not just our friends, or those in our city, or even those in our own country. Oftentimes, those “others” who need the most help live across the globe. Jesuits have a history of reaching out to the isolated and marginalized around the world, so the ATLAS Week program is one way of inspiring SLU students to continue this tradition of serving those in need, wherever they may be.

Though some of the events have already passed, there remain many things to do in the next couple of days, even aside from the symposium and the keynote speaker. Check one of the ATLAS Week posters for a full itinerary of events around campus, including discussions on sustainable healthcare, human trafficking and global health.

But this program isn’t just about discussing the tough issues facing our world. It’s also about experiencing the wonderful cultures that make our world so rich. So be sure to check out the Parade of Nations and the Billiken World Festival, where you can sample some delicious dishes from all around the Earth.

By experiencing these different cultures, you just might fall in love with all the varied experience our world has to offer. Then, just maybe, you’ll be motivated to try and preserve these cultures and the people that bring them to life. In that way, you can be truly inspired to be a global citizen and a servant to others everywhere.

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Professor censored by SLU’s legal threat

justice final

Mike Hogan / Opinion Editor

One of the questions included in the Survey of Climate, Communication, and Voice sent out to Saint Louis University students asked whether they felt free to express their opinions without fear of reprisal from the University. Ironically, the recent controversy over that same survey has made it clear that freedom of expression does not exist at this university, regardless of how students responded to the question.

As detailed in our news coverage of the story, several faculty members expressed dissatisfaction with the wording of the survey. They claimed that there were too few questions directly addressing students’ opinions of University President Lawrence Biondi, S.J. Since Biondi is at the center of the ongoing controversy, the survey seemed to avoid, rather than address, the important issue of SLU’s leadership.

Dr. Steven Harris reacted by creating an alternative survey in which references to “the University” were replaced with “the University president.” This alteration would have made the survey more relevant to SLU’s current concerns, namely, the standing votes of no confidence in Biondi from the Faculty Senate and the Student Government Association.

SLU’s General Counsel responded by threatening to sue Harris over copyright infringement, noting that he retained most of the wording from the original survey produced by the independent company Psychological Associates. Now Harris, president of SLU’s chapter of the American Association of University Professors, is embroiled in a conflict with the University, accusing the General Counsel of attempting prior restraint —that is, censoring him before he even issued the survey.

Whether or not the survey was poorly worded is a separate issue, discussed below in our second editorial. Rather, the issue here is SLU’s treatment of one of its tenured faculty members.

The lawsuit threatened by the General Counsel may not hold any weight. Surveys tend to be formulaic, not the sort of original writing that copyright law is intended to defend. How many ways can a question about communication at the University be phrased? Besides, it is the University threatening to sue Harris, not Psychological Associates — the company that would hold the rights to the survey in the first place.

Clearly the proposed lawsuit is a sham, intended to prevent Harris from communicating with the student body. It is a structural flaw of the U.S. legal system that litigation can be used as a weapon to financially damage others, regardless of whether the lawsuit has any merit. And with the notoriously subpar salary of faculty at SLU, it seems unlikely that Harris would be able to combat the University’s vast resources, even if he knew he would win in court.

Maybe students are protected from this sort of bullying and censorship by SLU’s administration, but clearly the faculty is not. This isn’t the first time SLU has used its financial muscle to attack a faculty member via the legal system. Recall when, in 2009, Dr. Avis Meyer engaged in a legal battle with the University over another copyright issue — for the name and slogan of this very newspaper.

Now the administration, despite its empty promises of increased communication and shared governance, is playing the same game with another faculty member. It remains to be seen how the rest of the faculty will respond to this draconic exercise of university power and absolute disregard for the values espoused in the school’s Jesuit mission.

However the survey was worded and however the students responded, the results are clear: not everyone has freedom of expression at this university.

 

 

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Survey semantics are important for SLU

Rarely is a survey the subject of fierce debate and legal wrangling. Most often, surveys are just hoops people jump through to earn discounts on their next purchases, or forms students force their friends to fill out for social science projects.

But the survey being discussed at Saint Louis University is far from typical. After all the protests, all the published opinion pieces and all the impassioned speeches, not to mention the standing vote of no confidence, it seems that it has come down to a single survey to assess how students feel about the state of the University. When a survey carries that much weight, wording matters.

So was the survey worded appropriately? Will it gauge what is was intended to gauge? Psychological Associates, the independent company contracted to conduct the survey, was chosen jointly by the Climate Assessment Committee, which consisted of students, faculty, staff and administrators. Yet despite what appears to be an effort at shared decision making, many people have expressed dissatisfaction with the phrasing in the survey.

In particular, several faculty members have pointed out that there was only one question in the survey that directly mentioned President Lawrence Biondi, S.J. It seems likely that the students that participate in the survey will be the ones most informed about the shared governance controversy. These students, recognizing the purpose of this survey, will likely interpret questions about their satisfaction with “the University” as questions about SLU’s current leadership. But what about those who are less informed?

There were also a number of questions about students’ general satisfaction with the University. But the issues of the past year really have nothing to do with students’ opinion of the University as a whole. During their time at SLU, students will spend most of their time working with faculty and other students. These are the relationships that will define their college experiences, not their limited interaction with the administration. Even students who are truly dissatisfied with the current administration might still regard their SLU experience positively.

And yet despite the fact that student-faculty relationships form the cornerstone of the SLU community, these are not the people making important decisions about the University’s direction. This is exactly the problem that’s caused so much tension over the past year. Just because students have good experiences at SLU does not mean that the administration or the president are leading the University effectively.

But perhaps that doesn’t matter to the Board of Trustees or the administration. If students still speak positively of SLU and encourage people to come here, then why does it matter if the governance issues are resolved? The tuition revenues will be unaffected. A cynic might say that this survey is just a way to determine the damage done by this controversy.

At best, this survey will reveal the student body’s true feelings and might cause the Board to consider making changes. At worst, responses to the vaguest questions will be used as ‘proof’ that all is well at SLU when in fact it is not. There’s been a climate change at SLU over the past year; let’s hope the survey reveals this truth, as inconvenient as it may be for the current leadership.

 

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Diversity on display in new building

CGC cartoon final

Mike Hogan / Opinion Editor

This fall, Saint Louis University is expected to open the newest set of doors in its Center for Global Citizenship, which consists of Des Peres Hall and the renovated Bauman-Eberhardt Center. The hope is that this new complex will likewise open doors for students, doors to new understanding and experiences of other cultures. But the success of the center will largely depend on how students come to perceive the signs above those doors.

Ideally, the new building will function as a gathering place for students of varied identities, cultures and beliefs. But the Center for Global Citizenship is in some ways a paradox. Its intent is to encourage inclusiveness on campus. And yet in all likelihood, the only people who will voluntarily enter a building dubbed “Center for Global Citizenship” are people who are already open to other cultures—or as SLU leaders like to say, people who are already living the Oath of Inclusion.

In the worst-case scenario, minority groups would be the only ones to use the new building. Then, the Center, touted as an emblem of diversity at SLU, would actually subvert its intended purpose of fostering inclusiveness and, disturbingly, end up as a sort of quarantine for students that have been labeled as “different.” So how can this disaster be averted?

For one, it will be vital to consider very carefully how to publicize the new Center. If the Center were to be marketed as simply another student hub which just happens to house the offices of many diversity-focused groups on campus, that would perhaps bring in the greatest volume of students and foster true interaction between students of all identities and cultures. And of course, the inclusion of an international café just might be the panacea for any potential diversity woes; nothing breaks down barriers and brings starving students together better than food.

Still, a cynic might suspect that the Center is designed as a sort of publicity stunt for SLU. While calling a building the “Center for Global Citizenship” might not actually be the best way to create an inclusive and inviting atmosphere for all students, it certainly does sound good in recruitment pamphlets and on-campus tours. And while the flags on the roof look cool, some groups may actually have smaller offices in the new building than they had in the Busch Student Center. As a silver lining, brochures can now boast that SLU has so much diversity it’s hard to fit it all in two buildings!

Yet even if University administrators have ulterior motives for constructing such a conspicuous showcase of our school’s diversity, that doesn’t mean the Center can’t, at the same time, truly benefit students.

Publicity emphasizing that the Center welcomes all students, well-designed study spaces and the aforementioned café will hopefully bring all types of people into the Center. There they can mingle and make the personal connections whereby true inclusiveness is born. Then maybe one day SLU will be a place where every meeting place is truly diverse, and there will be no need for some buildings to be more diverse than others.

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Educating ‘Renaissance Billikens’

If your only experience of art at Saint Louis University is a passing glimpse of a postmodern sculpture on campus, you may be missing out on an important part of your education. As a Jesuit institution, SLU’s professed mission is to educate “the whole person — mind, body, heart and spirit.” And art has always been an integral part of any liberal arts curriculum.

Admittedly, one of SLU’s greatest strengths is that it draws many talented science- and business-minded students. Successful surgeons, engineers and economists have all earned their education here, and some of the most prominent buildings on campus are dedicated to training Billikens’ left brains.

But the art scene at SLU deserves respect, too. Writers, visual artists, performers and musicians abound. Some have dedicated their education to studying their art, while others are hobbyists pursuing degrees in technical fields, but all of them have talent that can enrich the SLU community.

Too often athletics and academics occupy all the headlines concerning our university. That’s not to knock those fields; SLU has made many impressive achievements in both areas. But the arts deserve some attention, too, even though choirs and charcoal drawings are unlikely to sell out Chaifetz.

Often it’s this bottom line that leaves the arts playing second fiddle to programs that produce potential top-dollar donors. But the mission of our university is to do more than create efficient cogs for the capitalist machine. Students don’t just come to SLU to be professionally trained; they come to be educated, and that includes engaging with art and culture.

So get out there and enjoy the arts at SLU. Go see a play; SLU Theatre is performing “The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee” this weekend, and yes, that’s a theatrical show, not an orthographic competition. Read Kiln, the online undergraduate literary journal, by simply searching for its title on the SLU website. Listen to our a cappella groups, check out our studio art creations and keep an eye out for whatever concerts, exhibitions, performances or installations might pop up next. Better still, get involved with one of the arts-related groups on campus and become a content creator yourself; who knows, you just might find a pastime or even a new passion.

And don’t forget the larger art scene in St. Louis. SLU is home to several fine museums, most notably the Saint Louis University Museum of Art across Lindell from the library, the Museum of Contemporary Religious Art by Fusz Hall and the Samuel Cupples House smack dab in the middle of campus. But there’s even more museums throughout the city, like the Saint Louis Art Museum in Forest Park, and there’s smaller shows and exhibits going on nearly every weekend in neighborhoods nearby campus.

Students at SLU are called to be servants, leaders and productive members of their societies. But maybe if we draw attention to the arts a bit more, we can have more scientists that sing, technicians that tango, financiers that paint frescoes and pilots that write poetry. And SLU will be a more colorful place for everyone.

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Rising tuition: A reason to get riled up?

In a 1997 column in the Chicago Tribune, Mary Schmich offered some advice to recent graduates. She told them to “accept certain unalienable truths,” the first of which was, simply, “prices will rise.”

Saint Louis University has held true to Schmich’s adage. On Tuesday, President Lawrence Biondi, S.J., announced in a letter that undergraduate tuition would increase by 3.9 percent next year. Schmich’s column was addressed to recent graduates, but in this case, it seems that future students are the ones who need advice.

Nearly 4 percent? That seems like a large figure, especially when you set it next to the even larger figure of $34,740, the undergraduate tuition for the 2012-13 academic year. Some quick math tells us that tuition will increase $1,354.86, a substantial amount by any metric.

Given those intimidating digits, it seems fair for students to be indignant. And even some professors have expressed concerns that the price of higher education, especially at a private, four-year university like SLU, is rising at an unacceptable level.

Yet the data shows that SLU is not exceptional when it comes to rising prices. According to the College Board, the average increase in tuition and fees at private nonprofit four-year universities and colleges for the 2012-13 academic year was 4.2 percent. And much of that price increase only goes to cover the effects of inflation; according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the Consumer Price Index rose 1.7 percent in 2012. That means that most goods became 1.7 percent more expensive, so tuition also has to increase just to keep pace.

Moreover, SLU’s tuition increased by 3.8 percent last year, and by 4 percent in the two preceding years, so this isn’t an unprecedented jump by any means. So what’s the big deal?

Part of the problem might be the way this tuition hike has been framed. Faculty salaries were frozen last year, but next year’s budget will break that ice by adding a compensation pool valued at 4 percent of the budget.

That figure is very similar in size to the 3.9 percent tuition hike, giving the impression that the university is paying faculty more only to have students foot the bill.

This might not be an entirely accurate interpretation of the facts. As previously explained, the tuition hike should probably have been expected, and the fact that it roughly corresponds with the proposed compensation pool may be incidental.

Nevertheless, SLU’s budget might deserve some scrutiny. Although SLU’s tuition level is on par with national trends, that doesn’t mean that it is fair. The cost of higher education has ballooned in recent decades, well beyond the rate of inflation. Moreover, SLU needs to clarify its long-term goals. Will our school be a premier research institution, or an affordable Midwestern university? These goals aren’t necessarily incompatible, but it will take some shrewd budgeting to meet them both. Moreover, we cannot allow our academic programs and our library to be under-funded, otherwise the education our students are buying will lose value even as its price rises.

Ultimately, the biggest problem with SLU’s budget isn’t the numbers themselves, it’s the inaccessibility of those numbers. It’s been mentioned that the university’s budget deserves scrutiny, but the budget cannot be criticized if the data remains in the dark.

The principal recommendation of Schmich’s column was rather simple: Wear sunscreen. So while prices may rise, you can always take advantage of that piece of wisdom… that is, if you can afford sunscreen after the tuition hike. If not, you’ll just have to stick to the darker parts of our university. Oh, and while you’re in those dark corners, see if you can dig up some details of SLU’s budget. It’s time to bring the data into the daylight.

 

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Here’s our bios… so call us, maybe?

vtine final

Mike Hogan / Opinion Editor

Looking for singles with style? Our editors have style… AP style. They’ve each made a pitch for themselves, so take your pick from our editorial board personals:

Why people should date me, as if it is not obvious.

First and foremost, I am a redhead. As if this does not make me one above the rest, I am well-traveled, hilarious and a huge sports fan. I am an asset to any trivia team, mostly in the category of history, and have an extensive shoe collection. I alphabetize all things, so you will never find yourself dazed or confused in my presence. I carry straws at all times and always order off of the children’s menu, so I make for a cheap date. I am allergic to cats, so you never have to worry about me wanting a kitten as a present. I have a perfect traffic record and have worked as a bartender. I most likely will be the U.S. President some day, so if you are interested in the title of First Man, then I am your woman.

Emily Diehl

My name is Adnan and I love my mom. I’m a YouTube sensation. I’m actually really normal. You will never go hungry if you date me, unless you would like to participate in Fastathon with me.

-Adnan Syed

Have you ever wondered what it’d be like to date a gorgeous model? Me too. Maybe we can go on a date and wonder together. I can talk baseball, rap most Kanye songs and one time I touched Gerard Butler. And you never have to worry about looking shorter than me in heels. 5-foot-2, baby! Those who misuse “your” and “you’re” need not apply.

-Lizzie Bartek

I really like Nature Valley bars. Oats ‘n Honey is my favorite. One year, I didn’t shave and almost grew facial hair. My favorite movie is “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.” Kate Hudson just sparkles. I’ve asked for a three-hole punch for every birthday since I was 12. I still haven’t gotten one.

-Tony Traina

I secretly wish that I was from foggy London Town after studying abroad there. My Facebook profile picture speaks for itself. I’m really smart because I have like five majors and two minors. I’m not looking for a sugar daddy, but if I can’t find someone to date, that would be a good alternative.

-Hallie Kaiser

Looking for a lady who doesn’t have a solid grasp on reality? This copy editor hangs in the UNews room between 8 p.m. and 1 a.m. on Wednesday nights. I like dogs, pasta and long walks on the beach. My patronus is either Bruce Springsteen or a unicorn. I will smash you if you have poor grammar.

-Caitlin Simmonds

 

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