Horoscopes Week of May 10

Aries

When you come upon a space of possibility this week, mark your territory and claim it for yourself no matter the social and sanitary consequences. 

Cancer

The air is buzzing with sensuality, and you may find yourself slipping an “I love you” to the person administering your vaccine. 

Taurus

Nothing can contain your wild and kindred spirit. Go crazy and brush your teeth for an extra thirty seconds this Tuesday. You deserve it. 

Leo

Jupiter is rising, Leo! Time to pick up another new hobby that will last more than a month. 

Gemini

“Day of The Mother” sounds a lot more cryptic than “Mother’s Day,” don’t you agree, Gemini? 

Virgo

A rising moon will converge and you will receive $20. HAHA! NOT!

Libra

It’s that time again, Libra. Remember to leave the offering outside your door and plug your ears, pretending you can’t hear the deafening supernatural events happening outside. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts…

Capricorn

When you if went to it Capricorn then to how you do it if you go then when? Today. 

Scorpio

Mars collides this week, and you will breathe the winds of power. Take this opportunity to unleash your suppressed rage toward that annoyingly eager intern at the office.

Aquarius

On Friday, you will be re-visited by the little bedroom elf who will tidy up your bedroom. Everything will be oddly out of place, but it’s okay. He‘s trying his best.

Sagittarius

Can you blame her, Sagittarius? No, no you can’t. Move on, it was two years ago. 

Pisces

Check under your desk this Thursday. I left a ginger-ale there, just for you. More of where that came from, Pisces