I’m going to be blunt: where did that thing we used to call “manners” go? Maybe it’s the large coffee I just downed in attempt to finish my online exam before it’s due date, not the fact I just got chewed out by a random stranger on social media for no reason that has me shaking. I’d like to think the first; everyone knows we don’t need any more stress on our little college kid hearts. What ever happened to the professional working relationship, or even just being polite?

It started with a pair of traditional college girl brown leather boots that fell into disrepair.  And by disrepair I mean I could no longer superglue the outside sole on without it falling off. In an effort to downsize I decided to sell a few items of greater worth on Facebook to try to make a little money to replace my beloved boots.

Shortly thereafter, I was informed by a young lady that I was petty, ignorant and awful with people. Simply because I refused to drive to her, who was out of my range, for her six dollars worth of used merchandise. That she also proceeded to insult the merchandise she chose. I sincerely hope I am not the only one who is confused.

Maybe it was my upbringing, but working with the public, one sees this rudeness more and more — and I flinch every time I see it happen. I’ve been screeched at because the restaurant I work at raised the price of their breakfasts this summer because of the price hike on eggs. A thing I have no control over.

When they nicknamed this generation the “I” generation, they weren’t kidding. If it doesn’t serve the individual, it’s wrong, immoral, selfish, discriminating — I could go on and on.

I don’t understand how it’s happened either. If you look at the generations before us and that genuine gene just stops abruptly. There is no in between. I suppose you could blame the parents, the decade, our environment or one of my all time favorites — the media — but that’s another issue. We have to stop the blame. Enough with the pointing fingers. Trying to find the cause, trying to name it, is just playing along with that not-so-fun little game. It’s as though the moment something goes wrong, the pleases and thank yous leave, and along come the profanity and name calling. It’s my way or the highway. Not what I have, but what you are lacking.

Perhaps we’re so busy with our own lives, we forget about others. I do it. I get mad at the barista who has a line out the door but can’t get my coffee fast enough. But let’s face it, with 7 billion plus people on the planet, we probably should be thinking about others once in awhile. Everyone has a story, you might just not be able to read it.

Maybe it’s not a matter of manners, as much as a matter of maturity. The maturity to take the blame, to accept what is and what cannot be. Then to just try to understand the other position. It’s hard to do. I’m not saying I am innocent either — I have done my share of finger pointing. And it’s an innate human response to get defensive when one feels threatened. But why are we threatened? Especially over such trivial things. If I bring you shrimp after you’ve told me you have a deadly shrimp allergy, you have every right to ream me out as far as I’m concerned. But when it’s because I didn’t bring your refill at the drop of a pin, I don’t think it’s quite the response that is appropriate to the situation.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go attempt to superglue my boots.

On Saturday my parents are getting married again. No, there isn’t going to be a big ceremony. There are no elaborate decorations. My mom is wearing a black dress, and there will not be something borrowed or blue. My dad will most likely wear that old suit he has in the closet, which I know for a fact outdates me by years. They’ve been together for over a quarter of a century. And despite up and downs, they’ve made it. Enough to get up in front of a priest and do it all again.

So maybe it’s not technically a wedding. It’s a vow renewal. But still, it’s big. Especially when you factor in the well-known factoid that over half the marriages nowadays end in divorce. Well then. Let’s take a hop, skip and a “nae nae” into the year 2015, where everything is a hook-up with someone whose biggest credential is impressive eyebrows.

Why? That is the only question I have. I often see ranting over social media that people can’t find anything different or real. Everyone’s fake and they’re just going to be an old loner who lives out in the boonies, with their 97 cats and 22 dogs. Now, as good as snuggling with Fluffy every night and not having to hear any complaining about putting on real pants once in awhile sounds, they’re still craving attention. Hence, the post of sad quote, supposedly inspirational photo or semi-amusing meme with a dog in a baby carriage.   

I’d like to blame it on gender roles, sexism and mass media. But it’s more than that. No one person or thing is responsible. There are many causes. Dating is what we make of it. And let’s face it, we’ve messed it up, one swipe right at a time.

This piece isn’t here to put down flings. Everything has its time and place. People want different things and that’s okay. It’s a free country. This piece is about thinking before acting and the single most important part of any relationship. Whether it’s three hours or three years, you have to have communication. With all of those new-fangled gadgets we have permanently adhered to our hands, one would think that communication would be better. It couldn’t be more different.

Dating culture has changed in accordance with the times. People have tried to turn dating into a fast food business venture. They want it to be easy. But that’s not a relationship. There is a reason we have a sky-high divorce rate compared to years ago. And it isn’t about the money, money, money. It’s about the perspective we’ve taken. We almost have too many options due to the constant connectivity we have.  The grass is always greener in many ways.

Texting and emailing have a certain impersonality to them. You can’t tell tone. You can’t see faces. You have key phrases such as ‘I’m fine’ which means the opposite or ‘We need to talk,’ which probably strikes enough fear to bring Zeus down from his the clouds. There is so much miscommunication in relationships that sometimes, one can feel like they never really knew someone at all once they realize the true meaning behind words.

So how can we fix it? It’s simple. Be honest. Don’t beat around the bush. If you want it to be a fling or you’re looking for a long-term commitment, tell them. And if that pushes them away? It wasn’t meant to be. Those song lyrics you posted are not going to get them back. You’re not going to change someone. Not everyone is the same. You’re just looking in the wrong places, honey.

I don’t believe in the supposed shortage of good guys and genuine girls. I don’t believe anyone finishes last. I think it’s a broken road to where we belong, but that’s what is worth it. Some people just fall into the cracks more than others. Everyone says they want to be the cute old couple holding hands walking across the Walmart parking lot. Yet, no one thinks about all the work it takes to get there. So when I stand up for my parents this weekend, I’m going to be proud to sign on that witness line. They’ve been through a lot more than most could handle. They’ve hit a lot of bumps along the way. But, it only proves love endures, and we don’t have to be another statistic.  

President Obama has authorized the deployment of special services to Syria this week to “assist” with the current issues occurring there. Deployment yet again. When one of the platforms he built his original presidential bid on was that he would bring our servicemen and women home. Perhaps it’s crude, but hope turned to nope a little too fast for my liking.

Everyone seems to have forgotten his promise. The main issue everyone has had with the past presidents had everything to do with this war. Yet here we go again, watching another wave of our men and women, sent to fight a battle that a man stood on a podium and promised America he would end.

Ignoring our president’s actions, and what I’m sure will be much protest behind them, there’s a much more important aspect to focus on. The soldiers, our heroes, whether you agree with their work or not, are fighting for our freedom. Now, some say there isn’t a freedom to fight for, or they’re just government machines, but behind every digital camouflage head cover, there is a human being, just like you and me. They have family, loved ones, friends, significant others and children. They have a place in the world, people who count on them.

They fight multiple wars, many we do not even know about. There are still many who argue that freedom does come free. That we would be fine without their services. I’m a firm believer we as a country should not be the world’s police force, and that many people are dying on either side that should not be. But I will not, and never will say our military isn’t paying a price. I don’t feel anything but gratitude towards them. Freedom isn’t free. Yes, we are invading another country. However, it could just as easily been the other way around.

The media, true to its form, only seems to focus on the negative events. They list the number of foreign civilians who were lost before they list the names of our own fallen. If they even list them at all. They publicize everything wrong being done, ignoring the positives. They seem to forget the mission of why were are over there.

If you can’t support the war, that’s fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But the servicemen and women who dedicate their life to this service do not need to suffer anymore than they already do with their war wounds, physical and mental. You see them everyday. They go on living, knowing things we could not even dare dream about. Veterans have a high suicide rate. Protesting a war they did not start at their funerals is just bad taste, and disrespectful.  The veterans didn’t choose the war, they didn’t make it. They simply pledged they would protect this country, to protect each and every one of us, whatever the cost. They didn’t do this all for the government, they did this for us.

If you need a person to blame, take it up with the government, not the old veteran sitting across from you at a diner. He didn’t choose the enemy. In my opinion, the enemy chose us. He chose freedom. He chose to fight. But what do I know? I’m just an overgrown military brat who still tears up when I hear the national anthem. I’m just third generation Air Force kid. I’m just a girl who could have lost her father, and her friend’s fathers to a war I knew nothing about but still knew our servicemen and women needed us.

It’s Halloween. Skirting past the deeper meaning, and ignoring vehement arguments from disgruntled elders that it’s only a “Hallmark Holiday,” we can look at it through the eyes of the children. I’ll put it simply. Candy. Chocolate in bright wrappers, gummies shaped like eyes or ears or even snakes, lollipops, the one hopeful toothbrush. As if the only thing standing between the children and those nasty dental cavities are a plastic, bristled brush.

But, as we march on through the years, Halloween has gotten a bit scarier for all the wrong reasons. Not because our costumes or special effects have gotten a little too realistic for our own good. This article isn’t about the old horror stories that go bump in the night, it’s about the ones right around the corner.

If one looks up poisoned candy and the possible murders occurring as such, they would see they have been debunked as myths. Time magazine discussed in their 2009 article that the leading cause of death on Halloween isn’t the old razor in the apple trick. It’s motor vehicle accidents, one of the leading cause of deaths on every other day of the year. So why is Halloween so different?

Superstition definitely plays a large part in the stigma surrounding a holiday that was once from religious origins. The words pagan and demonic fly around, some playfully but many not. Just from witnessing a clerk pull the number 666 on the register and watching a customer refuse to pay the price until she changed it by buying another item, to me evidences the kind of world we live in. People get a little too worried about these so called ‘signs’, and react out of proportion.  

What poses a legitimate threat? Nearly anything other than the grandiose myth of poisoned treats. Halloween is the perfect day for abduction.  All it takes is a moment for a child to disappear. In costume, children are more difficult to recognize. Even if they are accompanied by an adult, things happen. I don’t care where you are or who you are with, they do. I live in a community full of retired adults, you wouldn’t have guessed they’d bust a meth lab in it. But I came home one night to see it, search dogs and all. You can’t predict the future, no matter what that jeweled up fortune teller says.

I don’t believe my children will ever get to go trick-or-treating as I did, even with the heavy precautions we took back then. Every piece of candy eaten when I was younger was inspected by an adult before it got anywhere near my mouth. Just in case. We were accompanied by three adults, no less. And we only went to specific parts of town, parts of town that I don’t think I can even trust anymore. Things have steadily been going downhill; drugs, financial issues, mental illness all running rampant in our state. I just don’t see it as a the smartest option available for children of the future. With the mall and many schools putting on trick-or-treats, stranger danger seems like an unnecessary risk to take.

Maybe my parents were too paranoid. Maybe I’m being too judgmental. Maybe I’m watching too many crime dramas. But I don’t trust people. And maybe it’s the over abundance of ghosts and goblins, masks and mockeries. But on Oct. 31, more than on any other day, things are never what they seem.

They released the name of the Umpqua Community College shooter today, but frankly, he doesn’t deserve a name anymore. Nothing that will celebrate him, make him stand out or go down in history in any way, shape or form. Plainly attributing credit for something that shouldn’t have occurred, that shouldn’t be glorified, but inevitably will be, is wrong.

The continued over-analysis of these criminals only heightens the attention they receive. Attention which some of these sick souls will find gratifying. Douglas County Sheriff John Hanlin is quoted saying, “Let me be very clear, I will not name the shooter. I will not give him the credit he probably sought prior to this horrific and cowardly act,” encouraging the media not to make him the sensation many massacre shooters become, because again, he is a coward. The sheriff is completely right. Our media is fed upon tragedy, because horror sells. It is often forgotten that journalism is a business. Therefore, sensationalism goes hand in hand with capitalism. Identifying and ripping apart the shooter’s life will sell, because we are all a little curious about the supposed taboo of mass murder. Yet we all flock to hear and see, consuming hate and disaster voraciously when we shouldn’t even given such hate a name, let alone the fame the follows.

As for preventative measures, they’re entirely misfocused. Instead of diving into why this happened, or what could have been done to stop it before it began, politicians, newscasters, starlets and the common folk are going to spend the next six months yelling at each other over gun control. Because that’s apparently the only thing that matters. Brushing past who the killer was and what made him this way — which I guarantee has a root back to societal failure yet again — this will only be fuel for GOP hopefuls, creating more mud for them to sling at each other at the victim’s expenses. Justice and bias cannot occur simultaneously, it is a decision we must make as a nation to make sure justice is served. We must make sure the shooter gets exactly what his crimes deserve, and not give him this recognition that separates him from every other criminal we have locked away. This sensationalism is misplaced when we discuss the shooter, and should instead be replaced with remembrance of the victims.

I encourage you to please, take a moment for those who have fallen, whether it be prayer or simple silence, so that they may be recognized and heard.

In the end, this tragedy happened. And there is no way to fix it now. We can only work together to prevent another such event from occurring. This is by not recognizing the shooter’s need for credit and fame, but by searching for the root of the problem and remembering the victims, not the killer. There should be no sensation, no grand media response. Nothing to celebrate or identify the shooter in any way, giving him that power and demented glory.

Because these shooters only the monsters we make them.

If you have had a chance to see the national news lately, you will most likely see the disgruntled picture of a Kentucky county clerk. Her hair is mussed and she looks exorbitantly aggravated — and I can’t say I blame her. Her mug shot is being posted everywhere, circulated more than the FBI’s most wanted fugitive. Ignoring Fidel Urbina and his horrifying crimes against women, you will see a single woman whose beliefs are strongly set. Just like yours and mine. Now, before you all get your feathers ruffled, hear me out. I see this case not as one of same-sex marriage rights, those have already been supported by the Supreme Court, but that of the freedom of religion and the rights of Christians.

This entire debate has been misfocused from the beginning. I am not condoning Davis’s actions, but I am supporting her right to take those actions on the grounds that we do live in the United States. The entire ideal system of our beautiful country is based upon the backs of a hardy group of persecuted individuals fighting for their own religious freedom. So riddle me this, when did that freedom become null and void?  When it disagreed with someone else’s viewpoint?  As far as I can see, it occurs far too often. To quote Davis’s lawyer, “there are multiple alternatives available by which individuals can obtain (same-sex marriage) licenses without voiding Davis’ conscience and stripping Davis of her liberties.”

This is not ignoring or selectively stating her many faults because she is  — well — human, and you cannot be one without slipping up here or there. However, this is looking at the bigger picture — bigger than a middle-aged woman wearing a knee length skirt because she is a solid proponent of modesty. This is looking at a woman who is staying steadfast in her beliefs, even if she is being disrespectful. This is a woman who, like the pilgrims before us, is just looking for a little religious freedom. I believe that disagreement does not have to cause controversy and discontent. Instead, she should have quietly discussed with her management a way for her name to not appear on the certificates, perhaps any marriage certificate, to completely avoid  discrimination. Or simply, resign. A statement is still made, clean and clear.

As a Christian myself, it is hard to watch the first characteristic described in many instances by the media as the religious preference of the offender. Often, when stated they are Christian, it is linked back to the horrific things supposedly based in faith that have occurred. No religion is perfect. There are rules, and guidelines, but their interpretation is one of the beauties and requirements we expect out of our belief systems, isn’t it?

We’re all just looking for that little piece of guidance we need to make it through the day. When these coincide with social norms, they can be positive or negative. When a crucifix is thrown in the mix, things tend to get downright ugly. Throwing this believer in jail because she did not want to go against her faith was an overwhelming response to a small situation. There were other ways this situation could have been handled.

And where does that leave us? The quiet Christians who were picked on in high school for wanting to attend church every weekend? Or any religion for that matter?

There is persecution in this country, it is just overlooked and forgotten. We sit and argue about the denial of our birthright for some of the population, a distinction decided by a media who is only in it for the money not the so called truth. While fighting for rights of the few, did we forget about the rights of the many? What if we stopped this game of tug of war and just respected each other? It’s back to the whole ‘play nice kids’ mantra yet again. What happened to just a little respect? And yes, I hope you sang that in your best Aretha voice.

Brushing past Davis’s past indiscretions, this debate shouldn’t be about the single woman from Kentucky who is getting more publicity than one could want, it’s about the principle. You only have the rights we grant you, the one that agree with social norms — which could spark a whole different debate.  And there aren’t enough lawyers in the world to cover every lawsuit that would result from that.