Posted on 08 April 2016.
Credit: YaleSecure
YaleSecure is the Michael Jordan of Wi-Fi networks, in that it sometimes retires from doing the thing it’s supposed to do, then makes a triumphant return just when you least expect it. Is there anything more beautiful than a fast and mostly-reliable internet connection? It is difficult to overstate the importance of YaleSecure in my life: it gives me access to Neopets; another exciting place to input my NetID and password; and that warm, fuzzy feeling of belonging to something larger than myself. YaleSecure is not just a network—it’s an icon.
On second thought, Michael Jordan is the YaleSecure of basketball players.
D: YaleGuest
If I had a dollar for every minute I spent reading the Terms of Use for the YaleGuest network, I’d have zero dollars because I always realize my mistake and immediately switch to YaleSecure. YaleGuest is good for when you want to access the internet from your home, but with the same level of remove as if you were at an airport or coffee shop. Or, you know, if you’re a guest of Yale who wants to Google something.
Fail: yale wireless
In the beginning, there was yale wireless. It was, presumably, the first Wi-Fi network ever invented. It did, presumably, provide functional internet for some period of time. Now it hangs on as an unneeded hindrance, the vestigial third campus-wide network. Improperly capitalized. Un-functioning. A remnant of an earlier Yale.
Speaking of which: Does anyone know how to get my laptop to stop automatically connecting to yale wireless?
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Posted on 11 March 2016.
$42,000,000 Money raised by the Sanders presidential campaign in February 2016
84% Voters aged 17 to 29 who supported Bernie in the Iowa caucuses
26 Bernie’s age, if you subscribe to the conspiracy that he is aging in reverse
1.2 Radius of hair emanating from Bernie’s head (in meters)
$27 Price of an official campaign tote bag that says “I’m Totes Votin’ for Bernie”
1451 Number of tote bags you could buy with the average yearly cost of college tuition
Sources:
- Sanders campaign, via The New York Times
- The New York Times
- www.bernieisbenjaminbuttoning.net
- Spatial reasoning
- www.store.berniesanders.com
- National Center for Education Statistics
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Posted on 12 February 2016.
If you remember one thing about The Last Song, it’s the sea turtles. But you don’t remember one thing about The Last Song. You don’t remember one thing about The Last Song because you saw it in 2010 in your friend’s basement and immediately pushed it out of your brain to make room for AP Psychology notes and Foster the People lyrics.
So allow me to refresh your memory: Long-Brown-Hair Miley Cyrus stars as Ronnie, a teenager who rebels against her small-town family by wearing layered tanks. Ronnie, whose unusual name makes her a dynamic character, falls for sensitive animal-lover and native Australian mammal Liam Hemsworth. They speak to each other in exclamatory sentences. They kiss passionately. They passionately kiss. They help some baby turtles reach the sea.
Also Greg Kinnear is in this movie. He dies.
Despite all these promising plot points, The Last Song seems to be an underappreciated work in the Nicholas Sparks canon. Even dedicated fans believe it lacks the scale and emotional punch of The Notebook. According to Wikipedia, many critics “found its screenplay and casting incoherent.” I do not dispute these criticisms. The Last Song is soggy and silty and cardboard-thin. But The Last Song also has everything you could possibly want in a romance. It has puppy-dog eyes and wide shots of the ocean. It has teen angst and an original soundtrack. It has family values and a supporting character unironically named Blaze. Everything fits neatly into its predictable and contained little universe.
We don’t watch romance movies for their realism or their grit. We watch them for their mushy declarations of love, for their tortured metaphors, for the abs of Liam Hemsworth. We want unconditional love and certain resolution—the things that can be so scary and complicated in real life. Nicholas Sparks knows this. So though we might not want to admit it, The Last Song is a really satisfying movie. And as Ronnie sagely exclaims partway through the movie, “Truth only means something when it’s hard to admit.”
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Posted on 13 February 2015.
Good news for Breaking Bad fans and anyone else who struggles with goodbyes: Better Call Saul, a prequel to Breaking Bad, premiered last Monday on AMC. But loyalists of showrunner Vince Gilligan hoping for Breaking Bad II will have to stick to their Walter-Hank fan fiction; Better Call Saul already has a smoothly-running engine, with a focus and vibe all its own. Spin-offs frequently falter out of the gate, trying too hard to recreate the appeal of their source material. But Saul
Goodman (comedian Bob Odenkirk) is the perfect main character for a project like this. He’s a guy usually at the fringes of Walter’s story, and a reliable provider of a one-liner or some kooky comic energy. The slimy lawyer is now the star of the show, and Odenkirk more than holds his own in the spotlight.
Better Call Saul, perhaps anxious to set itself apart from the get-go, begins distinctively. After a brief coda depicting Saul’s life post-Breaking Bad we’re back in Albuquerque, circa 2002. The start of the series is almost entirely wordless; the first audible speech (one of Saul’s classic courtroom monologues) occurs eight minutes into the premiere. James “Jimmy” McGill, not yet known as the titular Saul Goodman, is working as a public defender, waxing poetic in defense of three teenage pranksters. The rest of the episode follows him as he struggles to scrape together a decent (if not always decently-earned) living, hones his manipulative skills and ekes his way out of tough spots.
The show singularizes itself in several ways. Breaking Bad’s descent into the depths of Walter’s psyche took five seasons; Better Call Saul, best classified as a black comedy, can shift in seconds. Odenkirk’s wonderfully expressive face allows him to vacillate between sad sack and clown. As a protagonist, he is immediately likeable and untrustworthy, a goofier version of the male antihero trope. The cynicism of Breaking Bad persists. But Better Call Saul wields it differently, in a darkly comic approach that results in more laughs and fewer beheadings (so far). Better Call Saul is a worthy follow-up to the cultural behemoth that was, is, and forever will be Breaking Bad. This is more than an attempt by executives to capitalize on that success (though that’s certainly the kind of thing Saul himself would do). This isn’t just a good business move; it’s good television.
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Posted on 26 September 2014.
There’s a well-worn formula for movies about love: find two young, gorgeous people, then have them meet in a cute way, and end with a wedding.
Love is Strange, the fifth feature film from writer/ director Ira Sachs, takes a much different route. It begins with the wedding of two older men: still-aspiring painter Ben (John Lithgow) and Catholic school music teacher George (Alfred Molina). But despite the film’s title, their relationship is anything but strange; it’s practiced, persistent, and nuanced. Ben and George know each other so deeply that they don’t remember how to be apart.
After 39 years together, the couple is finally married in a little New York City park. But when the diocese fires George for his marriage to another man, the newlyweds are forced to sell their apartment and search for something cheaper. In the interim, George crashes on the couch of another gay couple in their building, and Ben stays in the Brooklyn apartment of his nephew (Darren Burrows) and niece-in-law, uptight novelist Kate (Marisa Tomei). Charlie Tahan is terrific as Ben’s grandnephew, Joey, a sullen teenager who does not appreciate the arrival of an elderly roommate.
The film is strongest when it lingers on Lithgow and Molina as they interact with astonishing ease and tenderness. The two characters imbue Love is Strange with a compelling emotional center, though the framework surrounding them sometimes feels thin. Some supporting characters are underutilized and certain plots—Joey’s complicated friendship with a boy from school, Kate’s strained marriage—are either glossed over or abandoned. Or perhaps it just seems that way because scenes with Lithgow and Molina are so interesting and intricate that they outshine the rest in the film. In a particularly striking scene, Ben and George squeeze into a bottom bunk in order to be close to one another. The circumstances of their relationship are always in flux; their feelings are not.
And that’s what makes this otherwise uncooked movie uniquely absorbing. Many films get great mileage from exploring love in all its imperfections. Love is Strange is the opposite: an imperfect movie about a phenomenal love.
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Posted on 05 September 2014.
The first fifteen minutes of Boyhood, Richard Linklater’s latest and most ambitious film, are unremarkable. It’s 2002 and Mason, a floppy-haired six-year-old, lies in a field of Texas grass, his head tilted upward, eyes squinting in the sun. He fights with his sister in the backseat of the car. He flips through a Victoria’s Secret catalogue with a friend. But then, something shocking happens: Mason begins to change. His face widens. His shoulders reach a little higher. Remember 2002? When you looked too directly at the sun and picked fights with your siblings and otherwise did things you weren’t supposed to? Mason is more like you than any kid depicted in cinema: he grew up alongside you.
The central conceit of Boyhood is unlike anything previously attempted in cinema, particularly not in a cohesive work of fiction. The Up Series, a collection of short films that follow up with a group of British children every seven years, is the only similar work I can think of, though as a documentary it doesn’t really compare. Filming an 11-year story-arc would take most directors a few weeks. Linklater took 11 years, reconvening his cast and crew for two weeks each year in order to create an authentic portrait of the way a person changes throughout adolescence (as well as the way people around them change). But Boyhood is more than a clever premise. The film is anchored by strong performances that elevate it from a collection of chronological snippets to something startlingly real.
Ellar Coltrane plays Mason, Boyhood’s boy, as he matures from first grader to college student. Watching Coltrane age is so natural and moving that it makes the practice of casting various actors to play the same character at different ages seem ridiculous by comparison. Mason’s father, played by Ethan Hawke, undergoes an extended boyhood of sorts, meandering through life without much focus or maturity. Patricia Arquette is Olivia, Mason’s long- suffering mother, a woman with several bad husbands who just wants to make a good living for her family. Arquette’s performance was one of my favorite parts of the film—tough in some places, vulnerable in others. Lorelai Linklater, the director’s daughter, rounds out the not-so-nuclear family as Samantha, Mason’s older and feistier sister. Minor characters filter in and out of Mason’s life—a litany of terrible step-dads provides many of the film’s most intense moments—but Linklater’s lens is always fixed on Mason, lending a clear focus to the otherwise shapeless plot.
Boyhood is an epic, to be sure, though not in the traditional Ben-Hur sense. It’s epic in the way growing up is epic—long, gradual, knotty. The scenes are short, few more than a handful of minutes long, and often mundane. Time is marked in haircuts and the shrinking width of cellphones. Grand shifts in culture are denoted by props and set decorations: an iPod, chunky and silver, a stack of Obama-Biden signs, a Lady Gaga music video. Mason’s upbringing is unique, but his cultural context is not. The timing ofBoyhood is pretty much spot-on for today’s college students. This is both fun (the thrill of reliving a Harry Potter book release) and acutely familiar (hearing adults wax political about the Iraq War).
At two-and-a-half hours, much of Boyhood floats by, most of its scenes soon forgotten in favor of the flashier stuff—a breakup, an argument, a high school graduation party. The movie comes to a close on Mason’s college move-in day, which led me to wonder where the future might take him. Then, after Boyhood ended, my own fragmented memories started trickling back. On the way out of the theater, and right before bed, and the next day, I remembered a little something from the film. That time they saw Roger Clemens pitch for the Astros. The perfect s’more, roasted on a father-son camping trip. A note, neatly folded and written in pencil, passed across a classroom and dropped on Mason’s desk.
Boyhood is not a movie you’re meant just to see. It’s a movie you’re meant to remember. To watch this film is to unspool the moments of one particular person, to recall them in a flash of muddled memory. Just as we get to know Mason, to begin to understand what he wants or how he feels, he has a growth spurt and becomes someone different. Mason seems like many people instead of just one, with ever-changing desires, ambitions, and frustrations that even he doesn’t fully understand. This rings true, truer than any movie about growing up I can recall. In life, as in Boyhood, there are no grand declarations or climaxes, few overarching themes but the passage of time itself. You feel like one person one day and someone else the next. You change your hair and your clothes and your mind, and contemplate whether there’s some kind of instruction manual you’re missing, some kind of code that everyone but you can decipher.
Mason is not your stereotypical fast-talking, quick- thinking teenaged protagonist. Though he makes some efforts to rebel (a succession of earrings, some backtalk and underage drinking), more often than not he is reacting to the people around him. Each year, before scripting and shooting the newest installment of the film, Linklater made a point of talking with his cast and getting their input. Maybe this is what lends Boyhood its veracity. The film is a record of many simultaneous evolutions: that of the character Mason, the actor Ellar, the movie Boyhood itself. Since the movie traces the exact era in which today’s young people were raised, it takes on a special kind of authenticity. It’s eerie to watch the world of your not-so- distant childhood portrayed as some kind of historical backdrop. But Boyhood never feels like it’s trying to say too much or contrive anything grand about its setting or even its subject. The movie’s great secret is that there is no great secret to growing up. Perhaps Mason, Sr., in a moment of parental clarity, comes closest to the truth of Boyhood: “We’re all just winging it, you know?”
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