By: Nate Gotlieb

He stands at 6 feet, 6 inches and weighs 311 pounds. He draws double teams from opposing defenses because of his strength and physicality. His coaches and teammates say a career in the National Football League awaits him.

Gophers senior defensive tackle Ra’Shede Hageman shoulders great athletic expectations.

But he’s not focusing on his future.

“I try to stay out of the hype,” Hageman said. “I kind of surround myself with just my teammates.”

After a turbulent childhood and a rocky start to his Gophers’ career, Hageman is the unquestioned leader of the Minnesota defense heading into the 2013 season.

He has impressed his coaches during spring practice with his strength and focus. Hageman delivered the early highlight of spring ball, pancaking 288-pound offensive lineman Joe Bjorklund in a linemen drill.

“He’s really showing himself to be a leader,” Gophers’ defensive line coach Jeff Phelps said, “not only of the defensive line but of the defense and of the team.”

Two years ago, Hageman was a second-team defensive lineman whose academic struggles got him a three-game suspension from interim head coach Jeff Horton.

When the Gophers hired Jerry Kill as head coach in December 2010, Hageman wasn’t sure Kill would keep him on the team.

But Kill gave him the opportunity he needed. Hageman has since developed into a force in the middle of the Gophers’ defense, commanding double teams and giving his teammates opportunities to make plays.

“For what he’s done in his life to get where he’s at now, credit his high school coach, credit his family that he’s with and credit Ra’Shede for wanting to change and be an impact,” Kill said.

Sweat soaking through his triple-XL jersey, Hageman stands away from the other defensive linemen, hands on his massive hips. When the drill resumes, he channels his energy and past frustrations into the offensive lineman in front of him.

“I’m the type to just bear my emotions and leave it on the field,” Hageman said. “That’s why I’m so physical and so angry on the field.”

That anger stemmed from a turbulent childhood.

Born in 1990 in Lansing, Mich., Hageman never knew his father. His mother struggled to care for him and his younger brother, Xavier. She put the boys in foster care, where Ra’Shede struggled with anger issues.

Ra’Shede and Xavier went through 12 foster homes in their early years, but they found a permanent home in 1998.

That year, Eric Hageman and Jill Coyle, a pair of Minneapolis lawyers, were looking to adopt. They came across a video made by Ra’Shede and Xavier’s social worker and decided to adopt the boys.

Hageman and Coyle gave the boys a stable home — and Ra’Shede a chance to play organized sports.

His new parents soon recognized his athletic potential.

“He was always extremely athletic and was always very big for his age, too,” Eric Hageman said. “So in combination, it was pretty clear that he was a special talent and had some abilities that most kids never have.”

Though happy to be in a stable home, Ra’Shede said kids looked at him differently because he had white parents.

He also struggled to fit in, especially in his freshman and sophomore years of high school.

In that time, he turned to sports.

“It wasn’t popular to focus on school,” Hageman said, adding that many of his Washburn High School classmates joined gangs instead. “Doing some type of after-school program kept me focused and out of trouble.”

Hageman was one of the top-ranked high school tight ends in the nation and was also a highly touted basketball recruit. But he decided to pursue collegiate football.

Hageman received football scholarship offers from top schools such as Florida and Ohio State, both of which had won national championships in the past 10 years at the time.

Despite the offers from prestigious programs, he chose to stay near home.

“He really knew at that time that he needed to be close to home so he could mature,” said Giovan Jenkins, Hageman’s football coach at Washburn.

Hageman lines up in a three-point stance and stares at the offensive guard across from him. Offensive coordinator Matt Limegrover blows his whistle, and Hageman explodes off the line.

The guard blocks his way. Hageman tries to go left but is pushed further outside. “There’s no [expletive] room here!” he yells loud enough for everyone to hear.

Hageman is still learning the nuances of defensive tackle, a position he started just two years ago. He said he is working on improving his strength and explosiveness this spring.

Hageman predominately played tight end in high school but switched to defensive end after arriving at Minnesota. He redshirted the 2009 season while learning the position, contributed minimally in 2010 and switched to defensive tackle in 2011.

Hageman struggled academically in his first two years on campus and was suspended for the last three games of 2010 for his poor academic performance by then-interim head coach Jeff Horton

That offseason, the newly hired Kill sat down with Hageman to discuss his future on the team.

“He made it real simple,” Hageman said. “Either you’re going to go this way or you’re going to go that way. And I just chose the right direction.”

Since his talk with Kill, Hageman has focused more on school and football, though he has gotten in trouble with coaches for two off-the-field incidents.

In the summer of 2011, Hageman got a citation for throwing a “party that was out of control,” he said.

He went incident-free through the 2011 season and played in all 12 games.

But Hageman had another incident last summer. He was arrested at Sally’s Saloon & Eatery last May after trying to break up a fight between his teammates and high school friends. He was charged with disorderly conduct, but the charge was later dropped.

“I got caught in the action,” Hageman said. “Just me being the biggest one out there, the police grabbed me and started asking me questions and whatnot.”

After the incident, Hageman focused more on school and football and also broke off relationships with some of his high school friends.

That decision led to a successful 2012 campaign.

Hageman recorded three sacks and a forced fumble in his first four games last season, all Gophers wins. He contributed more modestly during the Big Ten season and finished with 35 tackles and six sacks, which earned him honorable mention all-Big Ten Honors.

This offseason, coaches say Hageman has been locked in.

“He’s comfortable, he’s not thinking, he’s strong,” Kill said after an early spring practice. “This is the most focused I’ve seen Ra’Shede since I’ve been here.”

Hageman sits out the next few plays while Phelps gives him coaching. He eventually jumps back in.

This time around, he wins.

He gets around the offensive lineman and into the backfield. But he doesn’t show any emotion. He runs back to the defensive line and gets ready for the next play.

Hageman will graduate this summer with a bachelor’s degree in youth studies though he’ll still be with the Gophers for his senior season. He said after his football career ends, he’d like to become a firefighter.

“I don’t ever want to be behind a desk doing paperwork and falling asleep,” he said. “I want to do something active.”

But for now, he’s focused on football.

“He’s going to keep getting better,” Kill said. “He stays healthy and continues to do what he needs to do in school and all those other things, he’s untapped.”

By: Jessica Lee

The state House granted the University of Minnesota increased funding to freeze tuition Monday, but it came with a few strings attached for the future: to show legislators where the money’s going.

The House Higher Education Committee approved legislation Monday that would require state-funded colleges and universities to be more transparent with how they spend taxpayer dollars — a concern that follows alleged administrative bloat.

Rep. Gene Pelowski, DFL-Winona, who chairs the committee and sponsored Monday’s proposals, said he wants to hold schools accountable for their use of state funds and make sure that the extra dollars aren’t being used to pay for administrative bonuses.

“… The regents leave much to be desired in their ability to explain how these tuition increases were raised and what they were raised to cover,” Pelowski said at the hearing Monday.

He said the amendments to the bill — which increases state funding to freeze undergraduate tuition for Minnesota students and invests in research — would encourage more oversight from the Legislature in light of high tuition costs and student debt.

“Something’s got to change,” Pelowski said.

University Regent Linda Cohen said the proposal is something that can be discussed further.

“I think there is some work to do as we look at all that and with the budget,” she said.

Because of its autonomy, the University doesn’t have to follow guidelines set by the state, but it may do so if it wants full funding in future bienniums.

Under the new proposal — which passed the committee unanimously — the regents would be asked to submit a summary report for legislators every other March that outlines the investments the institution made with the state funds allocated to it in the previous biennium.

Pelowski said the Legislature needs to know more about why tuition rates increase, what the money is being used to cover and exactly where state money is being used.

The proposal, which was added as an amendment to the committee’s final, all-encompassing omnibus bill also states that direct appropriations to the University from the state cannot be used to pay for bonuses or incentives for deans, provosts, directors and other administrators employed at the institution.

“Is [tuition] being raised for contractual and operational expenses or is it being raised for something else?” Pelowski asked the committee of bonuses.

He said it’s not fair that administrative employees receive pay bonuses “on top of very generous salaries” when the University is facing tuition increases, cuts and loads of student debt.

“I’m hopeful that in the next year and a half as this reporting language goes into effect, we will be able to establish some oversight relationship that will be productive,” Pelowski said.

Rep. Ryan Winkler, DFL-Golden Valley, said the revamped House bill is a good first step to improving conversations between the Legislature and the state’s higher education institutions.

In mid-March, Winkler suggested legislators establish a “middle ground” when it comes to internal involvement and that they should be able to, in part, “set conditions” for tuition and spending at the University.

“I think we largely agree that we need to take a different direction,” he said Monday.

Although the University doesn’t legally have to follow the potential new statute like other state schools, the Legislature’s more than $1 billion biennial funding could pressure it to do so.

David Schultz, a Hamline University law professor, said because the University has constitutional autonomy from the state, the Legislature likely cannot mandate what the University does, but it “can use its money to place limitations or to stipulate things that they’d like the University of Minnesota to do.”

Taylor Williams, president of the Minnesota Student Association, said the University needs to be more transparent with its state money.

“I think there’s a general feeling from students, members of the community and people in Minnesota in general that administrative spending is too high and perhaps out of control,” he said. “The only way we can legitimately assess that is to have some idea where the money is going.”

Because it’s publically funded, Williams said the University should strive for transparency.

“It’s a process that a public institution should have to go through.”

The House and Senate higher education committees both passed their final funding appropriations for the University on Monday.

The House recommended about $100 million less than the Senate and governor’s proposals.

The two committees will need to iron out the differences in funding, but Pelowski said he sees the two chambers agreeing on several points.

Both proposals give money to hold tuition down for University resident undergraduate students and increase state investments in MnDRIVE, a University research program, although the House provided less for research.

“The good news to me is everybody is thinking we care about student tuition and we care about student debt and we care about being efficient,” Cohen said.

University Chief Financial Officer Richard Pfutzenreuter said he’s appreciative of the legislators’ “tough questions” during this “long, difficult session,” and he looks forward to the upcoming discussions as the legislation gets finalized.

The House bill will be discussed on the chamber’s floor in the coming weeks. Also, the Senate higher education bill passed through the Committee on Finance on Monday.

“I’m certain that the legislators and I have the same goals in holding the University accountable and having the University run efficiently and be as effective as it can be at what it does,” University President Eric Kaler recently told the Minnesota Daily.

—Brian Arola contributed

to this report.

By: Jessica Lee

The state House granted the University of Minnesota increased funding to freeze tuition Monday, but it came with a few strings attached for the future: to show legislators where the money’s going.

The House Higher Education Committee approved legislation Monday that would require state-funded colleges and universities to be more transparent with how they spend taxpayer dollars — a concern that follows alleged administrative bloat.

Rep. Gene Pelowski, DFL-Winona, who chairs the committee and sponsored Monday’s proposals, said he wants to hold schools accountable for their use of state funds and make sure that the extra dollars aren’t being used to pay for administrative bonuses.

“… The regents leave much to be desired in their ability to explain how these tuition increases were raised and what they were raised to cover,” Pelowski said at the hearing Monday.

He said the amendments to the bill — which increases state funding to freeze undergraduate tuition for Minnesota students and invests in research — would encourage more oversight from the Legislature in light of high tuition costs and student debt.

“Something’s got to change,” Pelowski said.

University Regent Linda Cohen said the proposal is something that can be discussed further.

“I think there is some work to do as we look at all that and with the budget,” she said.

Because of its autonomy, the University doesn’t have to follow guidelines set by the state, but it may do so if it wants full funding in future bienniums.

Under the new proposal — which passed the committee unanimously — the regents would be asked to submit a summary report for legislators every other March that outlines the investments the institution made with the state funds allocated to it in the previous biennium.

Pelowski said the Legislature needs to know more about why tuition rates increase, what the money is being used to cover and exactly where state money is being used.

The proposal, which was added as an amendment to the committee’s final, all-encompassing omnibus bill also states that direct appropriations to the University from the state cannot be used to pay for bonuses or incentives for deans, provosts, directors and other administrators employed at the institution.

“Is [tuition] being raised for contractual and operational expenses or is it being raised for something else?” Pelowski asked the committee of bonuses.

He said it’s not fair that administrative employees receive pay bonuses “on top of very generous salaries” when the University is facing tuition increases, cuts and loads of student debt.

“I’m hopeful that in the next year and a half as this reporting language goes into effect, we will be able to establish some oversight relationship that will be productive,” Pelowski said.

Rep. Ryan Winkler, DFL-Golden Valley, said the revamped House bill is a good first step to improving conversations between the Legislature and the state’s higher education institutions.

In mid-March, Winkler suggested legislators establish a “middle ground” when it comes to internal involvement and that they should be able to, in part, “set conditions” for tuition and spending at the University.

“I think we largely agree that we need to take a different direction,” he said Monday.

Although the University doesn’t legally have to follow the potential new statute like other state schools, the Legislature’s more than $1 billion biennial funding could pressure it to do so.

David Schultz, a Hamline University law professor, said because the University has constitutional autonomy from the state, the Legislature likely cannot mandate what the University does, but it “can use its money to place limitations or to stipulate things that they’d like the University of Minnesota to do.”

Taylor Williams, president of the Minnesota Student Association, said the University needs to be more transparent with its state money.

“I think there’s a general feeling from students, members of the community and people in Minnesota in general that administrative spending is too high and perhaps out of control,” he said. “The only way we can legitimately assess that is to have some idea where the money is going.”

Because it’s publically funded, Williams said the University should strive for transparency.

“It’s a process that a public institution should have to go through.”

The House and Senate higher education committees both passed their final funding appropriations for the University on Monday.

The House recommended about $100 million less than the Senate and governor’s proposals.

The two committees will need to iron out the differences in funding, but Pelowski said he sees the two chambers agreeing on several points.

Both proposals give money to hold tuition down for University resident undergraduate students and increase state investments in MnDRIVE, a University research program, although the House provided less for research.

“The good news to me is everybody is thinking we care about student tuition and we care about student debt and we care about being efficient,” Cohen said.

University Chief Financial Officer Richard Pfutzenreuter said he’s appreciative of the legislators’ “tough questions” during this “long, difficult session,” and he looks forward to the upcoming discussions as the legislation gets finalized.

The House bill will be discussed on the chamber’s floor in the coming weeks. Also, the Senate higher education bill passed through the Committee on Finance on Monday.

“I’m certain that the legislators and I have the same goals in holding the University accountable and having the University run efficiently and be as effective as it can be at what it does,” University President Eric Kaler recently told the Minnesota Daily.

—Brian Arola contributed

to this report.

By: Carl Elliott — professor, University Center for Bioethics

It has been five years  since the Pioneer Press reported the disturbing sequence of events leading to the suicide of Dan Markingson in a psychiatric research study at the University of Minnesota. During that period, it is hard to say which development has been more remarkable: the indifference of the University community or the torrent of international condemnation. “I have been following this story, open-mouthed, as it has unfolded,” writes Iain Brassington, a medical ethicist at the University of Manchester. According to Richard Smith, the former editor of the British Medical Journal, “There is clear evidence that things went badly wrong.” Susan Reverby, the Wellesley historian who uncovered the Guatemala syphilis studies, has called for an external investigation, as well as the former editor of the New England Journal of Medicine, the editor of The Lancet and the former editor of the Health and Disability Commissioner of New Zealand. An editorial in the Medical Journal of Australia has compared the scandal to the Tuskegee syphilis study. Helen Longino, a faculty member in the University Department of Philosophy  for years before moving to Stanford University, has written, “Do you really want the great University of Minnesota to become an academic pariah?”

The answer, apparently, is yes. On campus, there have been no protests, no outraged letters and no calls for accountability. And now that General Counsel Mark Rotenberg is heading for the exit door, we are not even hearing the customary denials of responsibility.

The case itself has become notorious. In late 2003, Dr. Stephen Olson and his study coordinator, Jean Kenney, recruited a mentally ill young man named Dan Markingson into a highly profitable, industry-funded clinical trial of antipsychotic drugs despite the objections of his mother, Mary Weiss. Not only had Markingson been repeatedly judged mentally incapable of making his own medical decisions, he had been placed under a civil commitment order that legally compelled him to obey Olson’s recommendations. As Markingson’s condition spiraled downward, his mother tried desperately to get him out of the study, at one point warning the study coordinator Her pleas were ignored. In May 2004, Markingson violently killed himself. His body was found in the shower of his halfway house with a note that said, “I left this experience smiling.”

This research study had red flags all over it: conflicts of interest for the investigators, financial incentives to keep subjects in the study as long as possible, a dubious scientific rationale and an industry sponsor that was eventually forced to pay $520 million in fraud penalties. Perhaps most astonishing of all, when a lawsuit by Mary Weiss against the University was dismissed on grounds of sovereign immunity, the University filed an action against her, demanding that she pay the University $57,000 in legal costs.

The University never investigated Markingson’s suicide, according to the deposition of Richard Bianco, the former head of research protection, and during the five years since the death became public, the official stance of the University has been: Stonewall, evade, deny. Last fall, the Minnesota Board of Social Work found that Jean Kenney, the study coordinator, had failed to warn Markingson about new dangers of the study drugs, performed duties that have exceeded her training and falsified the initials of doctors on study records. It is likely that Kenney’s misconduct affected other research subjects, yet the University is still pretending that there is nothing to investigate.

Last month, Weiss and her friend Mike Howard started a petition on change.org to Gov. Mark Dayton asking for an external investigation. The petition has attracted more than 2,000 signatures, 175 of them from scholars in medical ethics, clinical research and health law.

The administration has portrayed Markingson’s suicide as an isolated episode from the past. In fact, we don’t know whether other subjects have died, been injured or been mistreated — and unless there is an investigation, we will never know. The Department of Psychiatry has had major research scandals in the past, and the public only learned of them after years of cover-ups and deception by University officials. If anyone has a duty to make this shameful episode right, it is the faculty and students of the University. Please join Weiss and Howard in their petition to Dayton.

By: Bronwyn Miller

racticing feminism means endorsing equal freedom of choice for everyone. It should be something that all genders alike wear as a badge of pride, but the perpetuation of the myths of feminism have created an environment in which the feminist identity is associated only with being radical, angry, man-hating, leg hair-bearing and a lesbian.

If that’s the feminist that some people are, that’s fantastic. But feminism is by no means excluded to — or deterministic of — people who match these qualities. Unfortunately, though, this stereotype causes many people to feel afraid or hesitant to claim a feminist identity, or to at least feel as though it is too distant and inaccessible to apply to them.

Furthermore, the predominant negative portrayal of the feminist stereotype has allowed “feminism” to be used as a criticism against women, a looming threat that causes people to silence or modify their ideas lest they be considered too radical and man-hating to be taken seriously. Because branding someone’s ideas as “feminist” has become a viable way to insult her, women concerned with losing mainstream acceptance are reluctant to claim the identity.

The responses of prominent female figures who are asked in interviews if they are feminists reflect the confusion plaguing the public opinion of feminism. Asked if she considered herself a feminist last year, Taylor Swift responded: “I don’t really think about things as guys versus girls. I never have. I was raised by parents who brought me up to think if you work as hard as guys, you can go far in life.” Lady Gaga’s response to the same question in a 2009 interview was, “I’m not a feminist — I hail men, I love men. I celebrate American male culture, and beer, and bars and muscle cars …” Beyoncé’s answer in this month’s British Vogue, while much more satisfactory, still illustrates the misconception that feminism must represent an opposition to men: “ I guess I am a modern-day feminist. … But I’m happily married. I love my husband.”

Importantly, the very fact that successful female celebrities are consistently required to “pick a side” regarding feminism is an issue. While men can and should be every bit as interested in promoting feminism as women, male celebrities are not subjected to this same trajectory that regularly sets up female celebrities to be picked apart for their responses. This experience is similar to that of popular figures who are expected to represent and campaign for minority interests because of their race or sexual orientation. Straight, white men seem to be the only ones in the limelight not required to speak for any identity besides their own individuality.

Still, in the case of feminism, I can’t help but wish someone in the public eye would use her status to challenge misconceptions rather than perpetuate them. It is easier to not get caught up on the reluctance to call oneself a “feminist” in the case of those who have tended to advocate feminist views throughout their careers, just without adjoining these statements to the “f word,” like Beyoncé and Lady Gaga. It’s a tougher pill to swallow when a celebrity’s main relationship to feminism lies in her vehement denial of an association, blatantly reinforcing and legitimizing tired stereotypes as she

rationalizes why she distances herself from the term.

If there were more widespread acceptance of the “feminist” title among our cultural icons, or at least less perpetuation of misguided stereotypes, it would help young women see that feminism need not be mutually exclusive with being cool, feminine, sexy or well-liked (or liking beer or bars — geez, Lady Gaga). Perhaps it would make the students I hear in class saying beautiful things on behalf of women’s rights — yet preempting them with, “I’m not a feminist, but …” — not feel so required to qualify their statements. Perhaps it would help more people proudly embrace a word that they are actually already epitomizing.

Regarding modern-day women specifically, many of us hardly feel inclined to adopt a feminist identity because we haven’t had to. We wear pants, vote and attend college like it’s second nature, so it’s easy to forget the efforts that created the environment that allows us to thrive. But just because someone might feel like she has not personally encountered individual struggles on behalf of her gender does not mean she should dismiss the overall need for feminism. I implore people of all genders to look beyond individual circumstances and their own potential privilege to consider how the greater ideologies embedded in society, like patriarchy and heteronormativity, hurt and confine all types of people — yes, even men. Encouraging this consideration is, in essence, a main goal of feminism.

Too often, as we have seen with the answers given by celebrities, feminism is confused with misandry, or the hatred of men. But one can be a misandrist and not a feminist, and one can certainly be a feminist without being a misandrist. All movements and ideologies have their nuances, sects and internal discrepancies. Not every feminist looks the same, thinks the same or pursues the same route to express his or her thoughts. To co-opt the most salient and dramatic instances of feminist behavior as exclusively representative of everyone who identifies as such, of which the media and individuals alike are often guilty, is a cop-out. Pejoratively pigeonholing all feminists is much easier than recognizing that we are part of a society that commonly acts in ways that rightfully upset certain groups.

I am a feminist. I say this proudly, even though I know that embracing this title opens me up to criticism, fear and rejection from many. Like any feminist, I am imperfect, but I will never stop advocating for women’s right to be so.

By: Trent M Kays

The march of technology seems to be one devoid of critical inquiry, valuable interaction and meaningful instructor feedback, but we shouldn’t despair because we have a savior.

EdX, an online course enterprise created by Harvard and Massachusetts Institute of Technology, is going to save professors from providing feedback in classrooms and on tests. In doing so, students can get instant feedback on their work without having to wait on someone else. It’s going to be a wonderful learning environment knowing that professors no longer have to waste their time on students.

Automated feedback is nothing new. However, EdX is taking it to an entirely new level. Writing is not an automated activity. Sure, a computer can compile and construct sentences, but a computer can never write. It can never move people to action via discourse, and it can never really construct meaning. The human in the writing process is paramount. Humans drive the writing process. Therefore, in the same way computers cannot write, they also cannot be left to judge others’ writing.

Even now, students are marching into SAT and GRE testing facilities to take standardized tests and write to prompts. After they finish writing, their essay is sent off to be graded by a computer. To be fair, according to the Educational Testing Service, one human also grades test answers. Still, how does it make you feel knowing that a computer is deciding whether you’ll go to college? That’s basically what is happening.

For some ludicrous and dumbfounded reason, our educational system still values standardized tests and canned writing prompts. That’s how life actually works, right? My frustration with automated grading is barely contained. Indeed, many nights I stay awake working, trying to understand how so many smart people can be so misguided.

I grow weary of a society that pigeonholes students because of what a computer says. It doesn’t make any sense, yet we continue to allow it. Soon, it won’t matter at all.

The pervasiveness of hollow and massive online education naturally leads to hollow and massive feedback. This feedback — carried out by the heartless computer — may offer instant feedback, but it will not offer understanding, nuance and empathy, many of which many student writers need. It’s ridiculous to expect one instructor in a course of 10,000 students to offer meaningful and consistent feedback on every student’s work. It’s impossible.

Yet, instead of understanding this as a reason to not make education massive, we create algorithms to offer feedback, so we don’t have to worry about it. I guess we shouldn’t expect professors to do this important and essential part of their jobs. This technology seems to be made to offer professors and instructors a break from the very work they signed up to do.

There have been rounds of articles and discussions regarding how we can make writing massive and, thus, offer feedback massively. Most of these

discussions are shortsighted, ill-informed and lazy. It’s easy to make writing massive, and it’s easy to let a computer grade an essay. It’s easy to do these things because they require lazy thinking.

We’ve placed our educational trust in organizations that are actively attempting to rid us of educators. You can’t have education without educators, yet the more we support massive courses as credit-worthy, we limit the future of exactly what it means to be educated. Certainly, education is privileged and not everyone can achieve it, but we shouldn’t dilute ourselves into thinking that massive courses are anything but massive recreations of despicably privileged institutions.

Students deserve better than a computer-graded essay. Fortunately, I’m not the only one who thinks this. A group called, “Professionals Against Machine Scoring of Student Essays in High-Stakes Assessment,” began a petition (I am a signatory) to stop automated scoring of writing. Perhaps if there are enough people who sign, those who support automated grading will rethink their position.

Technology has a place in education. Technology has and can let us do wonderful things. It has allowed us to reach students across the globe, bring the world to classrooms and  changed how we understand ourselves. But contemporary technology and calls for massiveness can only supplement education; they cannot replace it.

Despite this, I imagine a future where human professors are close to extinction, the lone wolfs of education. They will be the last vestiges of something that was and could’ve again been great. Computer terminals, automated grading and laziness will replace them. There’s nothing inherently critical about massive courses and automated grading. In massive courses, professors can easily ignore students. With automated grading, professors are removed from a critical juncture in the learning process.

I’m not sure if this is our future, but it certainly looks like it. For decades, writing teachers have fought to create intimate writing classrooms where students are encouraged to flourish. Students are encouraged to write and learn with their teachers and peers. Now, instead of progress, we are replicating non-interactive lecture hall learning environments online. Then, we’re topping it off with automated grading, so teachers don’t even really have to ever interact with students. That’s some education.

Education should be an intimate experience, and we shouldn’t let massiveness and automation destroy it.

By: James Castle

In the U.S. District Court for the District of Everlasting Winter, plaintiff brings this action for temporary injunctive relief to prevent the defendant from streaming certain shows. For the reasons stated herein, the plaintiff’s motion is hereby denied.

Defendant Netflix Inc. is a California corporation that provides on-demand media to the Americas and parts of Europe through Internet streaming methods. At the time this action was filed, the defendant had more than 30 million subscribers internationally, more than 27 million of them living in all 50 United States.

For a monthly flat-rate fee, Netflix subscribers have access to hundreds of thousands of DVDs, which can be borrowed and are sent to them using United States Postal Service Permit Reply Mail. In addition, subscribers also have access to certain “instant” films and television shows, organized by category.

On March 30, the defendant added a list of classic cartoon shows previously aired on Cartoon Network. The list includes such awesome shows as “The Powerpuff Girls,” “Dexter’s Laboratory,” “Johnny Bravo,” “Courage the Cowardly Dog,” “Robot Chicken” and “Ed, Edd n Eddy.”

The plaintiff is a law student at the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities and has finals beginning in early May. The plaintiff contends that the defendant’s new shows, if accessible at this time, will prevent him from studying for his exams and thus passing his classes this spring. The defendant asserts that the plaintiff is a whiny, privileged white male who would get more work done if he would stop wasting his time filing frivolous lawsuits.

In determining whether the plaintiff is entitled to temporary injunctive relief, this court applies the well-established awesomeness test. This test seeks to balance how awesome the shows are with an ordinary person’s reasonable strength to resist watching them.

“The Powerpuff Girls” features three young girls with superpowers who were bred in a lab by the wacky but loving Professor Utonium using sugar, spice, everything nice and, accidently, “Chemical X.” Bubbles is the blue one; she’s blonde, cute and sweet. Buttercup is the green, butchy, grumpy one. Blossom is the leader of the pack. You can sort of tell because she wears a giant bow on her head, and that must mean something, I guess. The Powerpuff Girls fight villains such as Mojo Jojo, an evil monkey-man with a Japanese or other Asian-ish accent, as well as Him, a transgender devil with pincer hands. Oh, and the voice of the mayor is the same guy who does SpongeBob.

Boy genius, Dexter, can hardly accomplish anything in his secret laboratory with his silly sister, Dee Dee running around causing trouble. Although his sister lacks one, Dexter has this weird accent, as if he’s from Germany or Europe or something.

“Johnny Bravo,” perhaps equal in awesomeness, features a misogynistic and idiotic Elvis-like character with greased-back hair and shades. Bravo lives with his mom and gets into all sorts of shenanigans as a consequence of his dull-wittedness. Bravo also likes to “do the monkey.”

It is a good thing “Courage the Cowardly Dog” is around to protect his elderly owners, Eustace and Muriel. The show is ironic because Courage, although he acts cowardly, is a very brave canine. Eustace doesn’t care much for Courage, but Courage protects him anyway, probably because Muriel is such a sweetheart, though, kind of stupid.

Lastly, neighborhood kids Ed, Edd and Eddy all have the same name, with variations in spelling and address. Ed, Edd and Eddy aren’t the most popular kids in the neighborhood, but they do get a lot of attention from the undesirable Kanker sisters, three young girls who live in a nearby trailer park.

This court need not go any further in its analysis of shows at issue in this case or address “Robot Chicken,” which everyone already knows is super awesome. The shows discussed in this opinion are clearly magnificent shows that everyone should take the time to enjoy. We do not contend that any person of ordinary will could, or should, resist such classic and well-crafted animations. In the interest of the public good, however, this court thinks the shows should continue to be streamed throughout the world.

Any young adult, particularly those born in the early 1990s, can appreciate the greatness of Cartoon Network’s programming. That Netflix has decided to allow its subscribers access to them, this court thinks, is really cool.

The plaintiff and other subscribers will simply have to engage in time management and balance work with life. The shows can be watched during study breaks or during other down time. Everything will be fine.

For the foregoing reasons, the plaintiff’s motion for temporary injunctive relief is denied.

It is so ordered.

By: Andrew Krammer

New Gophers men’s basketball coach Richard Pitino is bringing two of his assistant coaches to Minnesota from Florida International.

Mike Balado and Kimani Young were announced as assistant coaches Wednesday afternoon — five days after the press conference that named Pitino as Tubby Smith’s successor.

Pitino hired Balado and Young to coach at FIU during his one-year stint with the Golden Panthers, when FIU won its most games since 1997-98.

“Both of these guys played a huge part in our turnaround at Florida International,” Pitino said in a release. “They are well-respected within the coaching community as terrific recruiters and leaders of student-athletes.”

Both Balado and Young recruited for FIU, per the release. The Gophers likely have four open scholarships, as former Smith recruits Alvin Ellis and Alex Foster were reportedly released from their letters of intent.

Pitino said last Friday he is seeking “the right fit” for Minnesota’s needs on the court.

“We’re not just looking to fill scholarships,” he said.

According to Gopher Illustrated, Foster said he received a call from a Gophers assistant who said Minnesota was going to go in a different direction. So far, Balado and Young are the only two assistants to have been officially named.

Minnesota marks Balado’s sixth stop as an assistant coach and his second in a major conference. Balado was a graduate assistant at the University of Miami from 2008-09.

Young has one year of assistant coaching under his belt after leaving his post as athletics director of New Heights Youth Inc., in 2012 to join Pitino at FIU. Young served as a scout and coach for Big Apple Basketball, Inc. from 2001-06.

Teague addresses Young’s felony

First-year athletics director Norwood Teague issued a statement regarding Young’s criminal history shortly after he was announced as a Gophers assistant coach

Young was arrested for possession of 96 pounds of marijuana in 1999. He was sentenced to one year in federal prison for the felony.

“President Eric Kaler and I each spoke at length with College Presidents and Athletic Directors at schools employing Coach Young and received assurances that Kimani was a positive influence and leader for their programs and student-athletes,” Teague said in the statement.

“Coach Young’s mistake, more than fourteen years ago, was an aberration in an otherwise positive and stable life. He has been an upstanding leader in every university community he has worked and lived since that time.”

By: Nickalas Tabbert

John Carlson is ready for sunshine.

The Gophers men’s golf coach said Minnesota’s winter weather has impaired his team’s ability to practice this spring.

The problem is especially challenging for golf, a sport that requires suitable conditions on the greens and fairways of the Les Bolstad Golf Course.

“I shouldn’t say ‘terrible,’ but it’s pretty tough,” Carlson said of the conditions. “When there’s no golf courses open in the state, it’s pretty tough for us to [practice].”

The team tried to hold qualifying rounds Monday and Tuesday to determine which golfers would compete in this weekend’s Hawkeye Invitational in Iowa. But rain shortened the head-to-head competition to a single 18-hole round.

The recent weather is part of a six-day stretch of precipitation in the Twin Cities. After a short winter in 2012, the first day of spring this year in Minneapolis was the coldest since 1965.

The forecast looks a little better this weekend in Iowa City, Iowa, but Carlson said he expects frost to delay the tournament at some point.

The weather on the road has been more cooperative for Minnesota this spring. Only the final round of the Linger Longer Invitational in Georgia was canceled.

In its last road trip two weeks ago, Minnesota carded its best tournament score in three years at the U.S. Intercollegiate in Palo Alto, Calif.

Since returning home, the weather has kept Minnesota off of the golf course, which doesn’t work well with Carlson’s style of coaching.

“I like to have my guys play in practice as much as possible,” Carlson said. “I think it keeps a lot of the rhythm going.”

Carlson said the practice area at Les Bolstad should open next Monday. The course’s website said the driving range should open this Friday.

Notes

—Minnesota will stay closer to home the next three weeks, as it is scheduled to play in Iowa, Pennsylvania and Indiana. The team has traveled to Arizona, California, Georgia and Florida this spring.

—Freshman Jon DuToit returns to the lineup this week after missing the last two tournaments with tendinitis in his elbow. DuToit is the only Gophers player this year to have every round he’s played count toward the team’s score.

—The other players in the lineup this week are seniors Robert Bell and Erik Van Rooyen, junior Alex Gaugert and sophomore Tyler Lowenstein.

By: Emma Nelson

The University of Minnesota Alumni Association’s Board of Directors has named a new president and CEO.

Lisa Lewis, who is currently serving a similar role at the University of Connecticut, will start the position May 31.

The job was previously held by Phil Esten, who left the University in October.

The UMAA, founded in 1904, has nearly 60,000 members. Its board of directors includes community members, current students and alumni.

A graduate of the University of South Florida, Lewis has worked with alumni associations for 23 years, according to a University news release.

Esten, whose salary was $230,000 in 2012, left in October for a position in the athletics department at the University of California-Berkeley.

A search team with representatives from across the University carried out the hiring process with the help of a search firm, said Kent Horsager, chair of the UMAA’s board of directors.

“There was very broad interest,” Horsager said. “People view it as an exciting position.”

Lewis will arrive amid the UMAA’s five-year strategic plan, which includes goals for engaging alumni, advocating for students and partnering with different parts of the University.

“She’s very experienced in alumni association work,” Horsager said, “and can look at that plan and advance the initiatives that we have laid out.”