Wes Welker, 33 year-old Denver Broncos’ wide receiver, is denying a report that his failed drug test is a result of Molly laced with amphetamines taken at the Kentucky Derby, claiming he “Wouldn’t have any idea where to get a Molly or what a Molly is.”

Really Wes? Are you really going to try and tell me that you weren’t rolling face when you handed out $100s to anyone who crossed your path? Are you just that loving? Why were you sweating profusely, demanding water and gum? The fans 10 rows behind you could hear your jaw grinding.

And Wes, don’t play it all aloof calling it “a Molly”, it’s not like the drug is just hitting the streets. We all know you skipped practice this weekend to hit up EZOO.

“Physically, I can still do it,” were the empty words of the Heisman Trophy winner, 2x Pro Bowler, and recent MMA fighter.

Do it, you won’t.

Did the doc make you feel like you could do this  before or after your colonoscopy, Hershey? Haven’t you realized that the name Herschel has practically disappeared from our generation? If your name was listed on a roster, nobody would even know what it is.

Walker said he’s busy with his business ventures, and so he doesn’t actually plan on making a comeback.

But this statement begs the question: I wonder when Goldie Hawn will announce she could pass for a cheerleader in the next installment of High School Musical.