1. You will be cold

2. You will have to wear more layers. 

3. Walking will be annoying

4. Getting out of bed will be annoying.

*insert gif here*

5. You may need to wear a scarf. But then again, scarves could be your thing, or could become your thing, and in that case it wouldn’t be a struggle, and you’d be winning at winter.

6. You may ALSO need to wear gloves.

7. Hat too, maybe. If your ears tend to get cold and you stupidly got a haircut and your hair doesn’t cover your ears anymore. If not, maybe no hat.

*insert gif here*

8. If you’re from Arizona, or somewhere not warm, or even somewhere cold, you’ll be cold.

9. If you go out, you’ll probably lose your coat. Well, no, not if you’re responsible.

10. It will be hard to text outside. Unless you have those trendy, hip not warm texting gloves since apparently people can’t not not not be on their smartphones.

11. You may slip

12. Your face may become red, which could be good for your complexion if your skin is pasty. But most likely not.

13. Someone may hit you with a snowball

I was fortunate enough to catch up with J.T Flowers ’17 to discuss the roots of a budding Instagram movement: “#waterclosetwednesdays”. He is heavily involved on campus in addition to being a member of the Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity. Flowers is one of the most sought after tour guides on this side of the Mississippi.  You can find Flowers on soundcloud under the handle “trunks.” to discover his newest genre-bending sounds. You can find J.T. on Instagram: @jtflowers_. Look out for his #waterclosetwednesdays later today.

Jeremy Hoffman: J.T., why have you been turning down so many requests for interviews? I’m aware several other publications have had difficulty reaching you.

J.T. Flowers: Listen—this is something that came about organically and I want it to stay that way.

 JH: So, tell me in your own words what is  #waterclosetwednesdays?

JT: The movement is still in its nascent stages but it is something that came to me one day when I saw the hashtag #WCW on Facebook, which as you may know stands for “Woman Crush Wednesdays”.

JH: And what bothered you?

JT: Well, Jeremy, I’m fundamentally opposed to Woman Crush Wednesdays for reasons that I won’t expand upon in this interview.

JH: Yea, let’s keep it light.

JT: As I was saying, I’m not an advocate of that, and I wanted to find a new, non-objectifying, non-gendered manner of celebrating Wednesdays. What we’re trying to do here is reappropriate an abbreviation in an inclusive fashion.

JH: So, what’d we land on?

JT: Le mouvement, el moviemento for my Spanish speakers out there… John V.. is essentially this: you get a few of your buddies but you do this on an individual basis. Individualism is essential to this movement. Collective individualism. You go into the bathroom. You look at yourself in the mirror. A long look at yourself. And I mean this both figuratively and literally. And you take your phone, you raise it about shoulder height and you snap a picture of yourself using the back facing camera. This has its roots in the flip-phone generation. None of that front facing technology and all that nonsense, all these gizmos, and these iPhone 6’s and Galaxies and whatnot.

JH: So the movement at once has roots in the past and looks towards the future?

JT: Exactly, it really is something that has the potential to be timeless.

JH: What’s on deck for today’s #waterclosetwednesdays Instagram?

JT: All I’ll say is the tagline will be “#waterclosetwednesdays : It’s heatin’ up.”

Once again you can find J.T. on instagram: @jtflowers_ and look out for yours truly: @hoffstamonsta. 

Family Weekend has arrived. Here are the lines:

80- Percent of students trying to convince their parents to cut their trip short so they can use the hotel room

60- Percent of fans at the Yale-Dartmouth game who are football players’ parents

13.5- Items hidden away

8.5- Times your parents ask you ‘where is the party tonight?’

4.5- Days after the weekend ends before your room becomes unclean

3.5- Month’s rent Union League can pay in advance after the weekend

2.5- Parents who end up needing to roll through Yale Health

Every Tuesday and Thursday, and Wednesday night for section my back undergoes slight trauma. When confronted with a closed WLH door, I wince. I know I’m going to need to bend. A lot. And I’m not that tall.

I did some digging to compare the average height of the U.S male in 1927, when William L. Harkness Hall was completed, to the present day, and much to my surprise men were only 1.5 inches smaller then. Even at 5’9” I believe this door would pain me.

SIGN THE PETITION!

https://www.change.org/p/yale-university-raise-wlh-s-door-handles

Here are this week’s lines:

19.5- Cadet/Yalie hookups this past weekend

7.5- Percent of Jews on campus actually fasting for Yom Kippur

6.5- Family Weekend events you vow you’ll attend

4.5- Events you attend that you’ll be far from sober at

3.5- Seconds before deciding which direction to turn after entering Starr

1.5- Weeks before you threw in the towel on classes you started Cr/D/F

.5- Haircuts you’ll get all semester

Sorry y’all.

College GameDay has chosen to take the party down south to the University of South Carolina, who will face off against SEC rival Missouri this Saturday at 7PM.

I wonder what did it. The 80K seated stadium that will no doubt be filled to capacity? That USC is ranked 13th in the nation?The ~50K students? The historic SEC rivalry? The fact that every Yalie would need to bring 12 people with them to fill up the Bowl?

I don’t care. I’m still offended. The 100th birthday of the Bowl shouldn’t have been dissed like this.

Be sure to check our the College GameDay Live snapchat to see what could have been…

Every week I’ll supply some campus related betting lines to encourage some friendly inter-student gambling. Here are this week’s lines:

OVER/UNDER

49.5- Yalies in the stands after halftime this Saturday

12.5- Grad School students scheming their way into Late Night

5.5- Times a day you tell someone that you should “grab lunch sometime”

4.5- Times your TA insists during section that you can “email him any time.”

3.5- Seconds it takes your uber driver to ask if you like uber

2.5- People smoking outside Loria at any given moment

1.5- Square inches of empty space at the Toga Party

.5- Announcements in one hour at Bass

0- People still reading

So I just learned this. According to former 1905 team member, Billy Wallace, the nickname emerged because the team played as if they were “All Blacks,” outrunning the competition en route to a 63-0 win. It was more likely that the newspaper had a typographical error, adding an ‘L’ to the original name “All Backs”.

Ok– whether or not this was stereotyping or typographical error- the name stuck and it looks absurd in articles.

Here’s a fun quote from a Reuters article from yesterday: “”The All Blacks are going to play Samoa and it will be the best team we can pick and they will be expected to play like All Blacks.”

Find another nickname New Zealand. I don’t care that your uniforms are black.

¡Agua! Water! Margarita! Fanta! You name it. Pierson has stepped up their DHall game once again. Patrons now have the option to settle for bleh water….or ¡spice it up and get some agua! Screw you Berkeley “spa water”. We’ve got ourselves some water from the southwest.

It’s unclear whether or not Pierson is taking advantage of NAFTA and shipping this agua from Mexico to save some money for the new margarita machine, but let’s just say it did not taste like it!

I’ll let you know how I feel in a few hours.

If you’ve ever been to Book Trader, you’ve probably noticed the tip jar. It’s a cute exercise that likely results in more gratuity. Sure, it’s great when the choices are innocuous–for example, would you rather converse with animals or know every language? Becoming Dr. Doolittle for that moment of decision was riveting. It was harmless. The options brought me to an unattainable place where all was possible.

But today I had a minor anxiety attack after receiving my 84 cents of change. Book Trader laid a heavy one on me: “Which do you prefer? Bike or Car.”

My heart said car. I love driving. I love listening to the radio with the windows down. And I’m lazy. I don’t want my journey to be exercise. But I was nervous. I feared judgment at this independent bookstore/café. Cars are bad for the environment. Bikes aren’t.

I wanted to tip. But I couldn’t lie to myself. I don’t prefer ‘Bike’ and I wasn’t letting my money reflect that. I felt imaginary stares burning holes in my body. So I did the cowardly thing and scurried away without tipping.

I’ll tip double tomorrow.