The giant pink bubble in the middle of Broadway is not the inside of Jiggly Puff’s Pokeball. It’s a Victoria’s Secret pop-up swim shop!

Inside, you’ll find tropical refreshments, palm trees, and bikinis. Outside, you’ll have no use for a bikini. 

Jack Wills has dominated that spot in years past with its fabulously British Jeep Wranglers, but there’s a new sheriff in town.

What happens in the bubble stays in the bubble, or her name isn’t Victoria and she’s got no secrets.

There are few financial systems more complicated than the payment options for Yale Dining.

Until today, I thought that a Bursar was a racial slur, that Eli Bucks was a currency based on the market value of hummus cups, that Points were secretly awarded to students by the Durfee’s staff, and that Guest Swipes were for the uncivilized.

As a public service I have defined each of these terms. I still do not know, however, what VPN is or how to get it.

Bursar:

With Bursar, students can make purchases at Yale Dining locations that are then billed to their Yale Charge Account, a credit account that bills monthly. The Charge Account is accessible online through the Yale Dining website.

Eli Bucks:

Eli Bucks are drawn from a debit account that may be used at all residential college dining halls and all other Yale Dining facilities. Eli Bucks can be purchased online using a credit card at any time and in any amount.

Points:

Students with the “Anytime Meal Plan” are allotted $70-worth of Dining Points each semester. Points can be used Durfee’s, HGS Café, KBT, Marigolds, Divinity, and several other locations.

Bonus Meals:

The “Anytime Meal Plan” and the “Full Meal Plan” grant each student five bonus meals (often called guest swipes) each semester. You can use these swipes for anybody!

Many of the olympic medalists seem to have been named by someone randomly hitting their keyboard. Here are some examples

1) Kjetil Jansrud

A Norweigan gold medalist in men’s Alpine Skiing

2) Jorien ter Morse

A Dutch gold medalist in women’s 1500m Speed Skating

3) Sjinkie Knegt

A Dutch bronze medalist in men’s 1000m Speed Skating

4) Zbigniew Brodka

A Polish gold medalist in men’s 1500m Speed Skating

5) Koen Verweij

A Dutch gold medalist in men’s 1500m Speed Skating

6) Ingvild Flugstad Ostberg

A Norweigan silver medalist in women’s Sprint Cross Country Skiing

7) Vesna Fabjan

A Slovenian bronze medalist in women’s Spring Cross Country Skiing

Here are some names that I made up by putting my palm on my keyboard:

1) Skgji Deirjhda

2)Ytez Truazdfa

3) Zirejb Kieghska

4) Masereag Shergewa

5) Isrije Dgfaska

6) Yjtava Adbaera

7) Kdsija Vsegajik

Incoming: Using moisturizer

It’s Valentine’s Day week and moisturizer sales are through the roof. In this weather, your skin is bound to dry out. Dry skin begets dry skin and pretty soon, you’re chapped lips are the least of your worries. You can’t show up to a Valentine’s Day date with a crusty complexion because that’s just not fair to your date. You have to address this problem head-on. Let your hair down and buy yourself a nice face cream. After that, hop on the St. Ives train and splurge on a big ol’ bottle of “normal to dry.” Now we’re getting that skin hydrated! First, you’ll feel the difference. Then, you’ll see the difference. Finally, if you’re lucky, a few others will feel the difference.

Outgoing: Showing up on time

Keeping track of time isn’t what it used to be. Nothing screams “loser” like being on time or early to something. Because of the snowy, icy street conditions, no one expects anyone to be anywhere exactly when they said they were going to be. Being on time these days means that you left wherever you were about an hour before you were supposed to be wherever you were going. If you show up to a Valentine’s Day dinner any earlier than thirty minutes after your reservation, I doubt the restaurant will seat you because you’re so not cool. So, be late and show everyone how much of a boss you really are.

When: 8:00 – 10:00 pm

Where: Morse-Stiles Crescent Theatre

Why: Show ‘em your stuff!

The Meatball House, located on the corner of Park and Chapel, has been renamed “Avro.”

This seemed like a bad choice to me, because best part about the Meatball House used to be its name. Meatball is a funny word, and the idea of a house for meatballs, or a house made of meatballs is also funny.

Avro fuck myself, right?

According to Punxsutawney Phil’s shadow, Mark, the groundhog is a “self-absorbed, narcissistic liar.”

Mark finally spoke out today, saying he felt it was time that the world know the real Phil.

After seeing his shadow today and predicting six more weeks of winter, the groundhog said he hoped it would be the last time that he ever sees Mark.

1) Promiscuous Genomic Exchange via Natural Hybrids:

Why: Menage a fern

Where: Class of 1954 Environmental Science Center, 21 Sachem Street.

When: 3:30pm – 4:30pm

2) Monks on the Move:

Why: Before its too late!

Where: Luce Hall, 34 Hillhouse

When: 4:30pm

“Stop n’ Chats”  are prohibited today due how freaking cold it is.

It’s so cold out right now that saying hello to someone outdoors is a crime. Keep your heads down, tucked into your scarfs and under your hoods, and don’t say hello to anyone.

Violators will be towed.

1) Race Relations in the Obama Era:

When: 12:00pm

Where: Hall of Graduate Studies, 320 York Street

Why: Important fersher.

2) State Sleep Medicine Conference:

When: 4:00pm

Where: Fitkin Memorial Pavillion, 789 Howard Ave

Why:  IDK just go!

3) Dwight Hall’s Spring Bazaar for Service and Advocacy

When: 7:00pm

Where: Dwight Hall, 67 High Street

Why: Help me help you.