Jack lived alone in a small house at the end of the block, adjacent to the convenience store. Inside the convenience store was a sign shaped like a pink donut. The sign would spin, around and around, day and night, without stopping, for ever and ever. As Jack fell asleep, he would watch the sign spin.

“Spin, donut! Spin!” He would think to himself, sleepily.

Downstairs in the house, a little mouse was walking through the kitchen. She was fixing to make herself a cup of coffee. She was about to go to work. She had the grave-shift at the mouse-sized-convenience-store that was hidden inside the wall of the regular, human-sized convenience store. The mouse’s name was Tracy and she lived paycheck to paycheck.

Tracy left the house and walked down the sidewalk. The moon hung over the scene. It looked pink in the near dawn.

While he slept, Jack had a dream that he was the host of a game show. The premise of the game was that different people would appear on stage, and the audience would either praise or boo them based on how cool the person was. In the dream, Jack noticed that although the verdicts were mostly arbitrary, they were always extremely heartfelt.

Every contestant, no matter which verdict, would be put to death afterwards. It was a quick affair, not horrifying or anything, just calm and natural, the executions.

Jack didn’t remember very much of the dream when he woke up, just one woman who had been on stage. She stood there, and said that all she wanted was to be a kid again. She had tears in her eyes. Honest, pearly tears, sparkling in the pink stage-lights. Her name had also been Tracy.

The mouse Tracy sat behind the counter, writing in her journal. A customer came in. The customer was an older mouse, very clean and well-spoken. He approached Tracy, said “How Do You Do?” and ordered a blueberry kombucha.

As he left, he remarked to Tracy, “Happy Plant Appreciation Day.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Plant Appreciation Day? Why, it’s the one day a year we set aside to celebrate plant life. All that oxygen, you know. Carry on!”

The door tinkled on his way out.

Tracy sat back down, breathing a sleepy sigh. Her eyes fell upon the whirring donut sign.  Through the middle of the donut, although it was too far away for Tracy’s mouse eyes to see, there were two dragonflies, sitting, looking into each other’s eyes. Talking only to share with each other whispered descriptions of wild dreams. It was very beautiful.

Jack remembered for a moment a time when he was younger, when he floated down the Potomac river on a tube. The trees had shone golden in the light of the sun, and the water had felt cool and fresh around his feet. It had been a very nice day.

Outside of Jack’s house, a small sprout of grass popped up, as if from nowhere. Hello!

Meanwhile, the Earth turned around the Sun. The other planets watched the Earth turn. Everybody revolved around and around, tramping a perpetual journey, in the starry dynamo of night, distantly calling to each other….

“Spin, donut! Spin!”

I walked along the river. The sun was out, and it sparkled across the surface of the water.

Two old men exchanged a glance through the shop window.

She ran the needle again and again through the deep, red fabric.

Blowing softly in the breeze. The owls are in cahoots.

The boys took a shortcut, cutting across a field tall with grass. Nearby, a snake.

Why should we look at the sky? Why do our necks crane upwards anyways? And how they do!

Agnes turned her back to the wind, and hunched.

Nothing like a good rope! Yessir!

He approached me slowly, head cocked to the side, as though he knew me from somewhere.

Honestly, it will never be enough.

She winked at me with both eyes at the same time. I pretended not to notice.

I never forget a birthday.

My friend got into his top choice grad school today! Shouts out Eric!

Thank you to all the people who make it possible to send letters across the country.

When’s the last time you thought about me like that?

Take me out like the trash you battery eating grass clipping.

I should have known better.

All me to introduce you to my cat, Mister Eldridge Larby.

Stop talking so loudly please, I am trying to sleep.

What if I wasn’t so embarrassed by melodrama?

After a great pause she said, “Do you wanna move in with me?” and then, “are you gonna eat that?”

Turn out your pockets!

I will cut your hair for free.

How did this happen?

Don’t talk back to your father like that!

The two of them walked along the sidewalk towards the bookstore. They kept looking at each other, but not saying anything, not even smiling that particular smile that two people smile when they share a glance.

It was just that kind of day.

Someone nearby is crying their eyes out over something very important to them.

My interests include plants in general.

I just wanted to be near you.

Don’t you just hate it when the sun goes behind a cloud?

I really like the song “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman.

Why is everyone taking everything so seriously LOL. But I guess like, what else are you gonna do?

Oh really? You think so?

Follow me on instagram: “swain_jack”

Remember the first time you looked into a microscope?

What kind of a-g-e-n-d-a do you have here?

The spoon goes in the coffee.

I’m here to buy an umbrella?

You can get cheap haircuts at the WWCC hair school by calling 509-527-HAIR. That’s what I’ve heard at least. Heard through the grapevine. The ole grapevine.

How many times do I have to tell you? I ate them all!

I challenge you to post one Facebook status a day for a week.

That’s all folks!

Your house being air conditioned in a hot summer.

Overcast cloudy days that won’t stop raining.

Underneath a pile of things on your desk, you find that thing you were searching for.

Dogs that let you scratch their bellies.

Oregon’s speed limits are too slow.

Noodles cooked just right.

The way you walk out of a room.

Never feeling fully awake.

Everyone else here’s sense of humor isn’t funny.

Everyone here is such a conformist.

Damn this makes me uncomfortable.

My patience will be the death of me.

Only seeing you when you pop up on my facebook.

Never getting any mail except for junk.

Everything feeling like the end of the world.

You and I go to a movie.

Ocean clouds.

Responding to someone’s text too late.

Smelling someone else’s armpits.

Embarrassing yourself but not giving a hoot.

Little ants crawling on your legs.

Forgiving yourself for mistakes.

Investigating your sexuality.

Sometimes not being able to remember why you do it.

Helping yourself get through the day.

Telling yourself to be more spontaneous.

Holding onto things you should let go of.

Internalizing the quirks of your friends.

Now is the time to be with people.

Going to the store to buy someone a birthday present.

Sleepovers from middle school.

Listening to the troubles of a friend.

Our bodies are all beautiful, even if we have pimples or are skinny or fat.

Volunteer fire departments.

Ending a conversation with a high five.

Texting and driving is dangerous.

Hello it’s me: Jack Swain.

Everyone can create beautiful things.

Perhaps it’s time I told you everything.

Emotions come and go all the time, just like everything.

Over-the-top weddings on the moon.

Peeing in your pants from laughing so hard.

Little moments you share with your pet.

Eating the last girl scout cookie.

Apple scruffs, by George Harrison

Respect how much effort went into building your house.

Observe the way trees do their thing.

Underline things in library books if they speak to you.

Now the florist is overcome with tulips.

Driving to a second date.

Young people are getting ideas.

Only you.

I had a dream I went to the animal shelter and adopted every single animal. I had a dream that I had to walk down a sidewalk, and the sidewalk had broken glass on it. I cut my feet and left bloody footprints up and down the block. It didn’t hurt, but when I woke up, my feet itched.

It’s hard for me to write things sometimes, because I don’t feel like I have anything to offer you. Do you ever have that problem with the stuff you make? It’s the same as thinking “why would anyone want to hang out with me?” And like, why do people make anything at all? Is it just to make themselves feel cool, or is there something else going on? I really don’t have an answer for that. But I hope you are having a good evening, wherever you are.

The sunlight that streams through our windows, yours and mine.

The bugs that live in our houses, in our carpets.

Whatever human quality necessitated the invention of picture frames.

Elegant chairs.

Life-sized scale replicas of dinosaurs.

Calling people on the phone when they are far away and you can hear their voice.

The Atom Bomb and the Berlin Wall.

It reminds me of a Kurt Vonnegut quote, “People so nice you can’t believe it, and people so mean you can’t believe it.”

(I remember in middle school this girl Angela’s dad died and they announced it to everyone over the loudspeakers. I was in English class. I think we were doing a vocab test.

I got an email today from my old friend, Thomas. He signed his email “Tom” which made me smile. We used to be very close, you know. We had the same bus stop in Minnesota. His dad taught me how to drive a car, on a frozen lake of all places).

Falling asleep in the car, or driving a car full of sleeping people, listening to quiet music.

Those dressing room mirrors with all the light bulbs.

(I often pretend to myself that I’m being interviewed on late-night television. I’d like the glamour).

In a letter, the pauses between sentences are more important than the sentences themselves.

That’s the truth.

I remember when my parents told us we were moving back to the states my sister cried all day.

And the Earth keeps going.

Dorothea lived alone. She lived in a single-room flat on the north end of Parkview and worked at the florist’s. She spent her time listening to Louis Armstrong records. They belonged to her husband. She only lets herself visit his grave once a week.

I think I put too many expectations on myself.

(Row row row your boat).

If you are someone who smokes cigarettes I think you should stop.

What do you think happens when you die? (This question is half-joke, half-plea).

Who is gonna be living in your bedroom twenty years from now? What problems will they have?

My mom knitted me a really warm Gryffindor scarf. My mom is an angel.

What do you think of those people who don’t like to dance?

Oh yeah baby. Rock and roll.

Do you have any tattoos or scars? (That’s a hypothetical question).

Donald was a hermit. He lived thirty meters underground, in a medium-sized metal tunnel. The walls of the tunnel were painted dark blue to mimic a twilight sky. Twilight was Donald’s favorite time of day. It was late morning, and a package arrived.

Someone out there is curing cancer right now, and someone else is designing bombs. What am I doing?

I hope you have a good day. I hope you really do. Whoever you are. I hope you don’t get too worried about things that don’t matter in the end. I hope you smile and laugh and stuff. Really.

“And it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant, and whatever a sun will always sing is you.”

“Do you know what you are doing after you graduate?”

“What are you doing this summer?”

“Are you nervous for your orals?”

“What’s it like to be queer?”

“Did you see the moon last night?”

“What do you dream about?”

“Do you have siblings?”

“What are you proud of?”

“What’s the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?”

“What’s the nicest thing anyone has ever told you?”

“When was the last time you cried in front of someone?”

“What do you think about when you shower?”

“What do you think of Kanye’s new album?”

“Are you afraid of spiders?”

“Did you read Harry Potter?”

“Has anyone you know ever died?”

“What’s your wi-fi password?”

“Do you want a lime?”

“Do you think you are going to get married?”

“Was it you who cleaned the kitchen?”

“How was your day?”

“Where did you get that sweater?”

“Hey, are you feeling any better?”

“Can I borrow this?”

“Should I keep inviting you over or do I ask too much?”

“Are you ready for your children to hurt your feelings the way you hurt your parents’ feelings?”

“What are you up to tonight?”

“Can I show you something?”

“Do you have an extra toothbrush?”

“Can I take these off?”

“Tryna order some Domino’s?”

“Where are the band-aids?”

“You want another beer?”

“What did you put in this granola?”

“How long have you been playing guitar?”

“Dude, where’s my car?”

“What’s the name of your band?”

“Is there weed in them?”

“Do you wanna go bowling some time?”

Norbert Cherbley was organizing his computer desktop when he came across a .jpeg of his ex-wife, Cindy Chudly-Eisenhowber. In the photograph, Cindy was in the kitchen. She was cooking an omelet.

“Oh Cindy, oh darling,” Norbert said out loud, cooing like a dove. A pocket of drool spilled from his jowls.

Cindy had left him over five years ago, for a municipal county judge named Journey Trap.

Staring at the .jpeg, Norbet had never felt more alone in his entire life. He reached across the beanbag for his cell phone. His long, decrepit, white fingers closed around it. With a heaving sigh, he twirled the phone out of the window. It spiraled three stories to the ground before landing on the pavement, unscathed and perfectly unharmed.

Four minutes went by.

Then, suddenly, the phone rang.

It was half-past-seven when young Bernie Chople-Baxley finally woke up. It was the morning of Bernie’s fifth birthday. He was very excited and leapt out of bed. For breakfast, his father made Bernie’s favorite food: pancakes.

Bernie’s mother sat with him on the couch, holding him close. After breakfast, they all watched Aladdin together.

“Mom,” said Bernie, “If you found a genie, what would you wish for?”

“Bernie, my angel,” his mother spoke softly, “With you, all my wishes already came true.”

“Happy birthday.”

I took a shower today. The walls of my shower are made of square tiles. Some of the tiles are white and some of them are light blue. There is a circular metal shower-head at the top of the shower. There is a circular metal drain at the bottom of the shower. Water appears from the top and disappears down the bottom. Clouds are made of water, I’m told. I have also been told that my body is composed of 70 percent water.

My water-body likes to do all sorts of things. It really likes to take showers. It likes the feeling of the hot water in its hairs. Hair is made of dead cells. Cells are all made of water, too. The cells die and then they become hair. Some people have very beautiful hair. People cut their hair in all sorts of different styles. You can tell everything about a person just from looking at their haircut.

My mom used to have short hair in the 90s when I was a baby. Her hair is longer now. I think my mom is going to visit me this semester, and I’m really excited about it! Her name is Karen. She is very beautiful. Let me tell you one thing about my mom. She cries a lot when she watches certain movies. It is because she cries whenever she sees someone else cry. I think that is a very special thing about her. I love my mom so much.

Tears are made out of water. Every single water drop in the world was or will become a tear.

Sometimes people heat up water and mix it with dried plants. They drink it, and it’s called ‘tea.’ When you have guests in your house, it is good to offer them tea. You should always keep some good tea in your house for these moments, and good mugs.

One of the most beautiful things in the world is watching the moon reflected in the ocean. The moon is very far away. There is a very small amount of water on the moon. The moon has been trying for billions of years to steal some of Earth’s water. That is what causes the tides.

If you don’t drink water for three days your body will die. Everyone dies eventually. When someone dies, their water will become a new person. Sometimes their water becomes a flower, or a cloud. Or a tear.

If you drive five hours east of Walla Walla, you will get to some hot springs in the mountains near the Idaho-Montana border. They are called the Jerry Johnson Hot Springs. A few months ago, I spent the night there. You will never believe this, but while I was sitting in the steaming water looking up at the stars I saw a UFO.