Graphics by Jason Hu & Joseph Valdez

Once I hooked up with a boy after an ugly sweater party and he kept his turtleneck on and I wrote about it in the 2015 Herald Valentine’s issue and he texted me two weeks later with a screenshot of the page.

Yikes!

Once I hooked up with a boy everyone called “Woody.”

Yikes!

Once when I was in third grade, I had a crush on a boy named Caleb. One day, he told me I laughed like a girl so I told him he was a chauvinist pig, because I heard my mom call my dad that once, and I got a timeout. We kissed later that afternoon.

Yikes!

Once a guy asked me out after I toured his apartment. Then he ghosted me for two months until I moved in and needed help getting my table through his front door.

Yikes!

Once, in elementary school, one of my friends hosted her birthday party on Oct. 18, which, as we all know, is Zac Efron’s birthday. I baked cupcakes with his face on them, brought them to her party, and proceeded to make everyone sing “Happy Birthday” to Zac after we sang it to her. Bad friend. Amazing girlfriend.

Yikes!

Once I got my girlfriend a baby hedgehog named Herbie for Valentine’s Day, because what else would you want for Valentine’s Day? But then she dumped me two weeks later. She kept Herbie.

Yikes!

Once somebody hid the Fifty Shades of Grey sequel in my bed and I didn’t realize it until I woke up the next morning. Nobody admitted to doing it so I stress-read passages because I was sure there were clues in the text. That was the most romantic thing to happen to me this calendar year.

Yikes!

Once a boy I went on a date with approached me at a party when “Sorry” came on and said, with a straight face, “Is it too late to say sorry?”

Yikes!

Once I dated the frontman of a band called Unlimited Sex Appeal that played primarily Red Hot Chili Peppers covers and he cheated on me with a girl named Milg.

Yikes!

Once I got a Coolatta at Dunkin Donuts with a boy I liked in high school, and I laughed so hard I started peeing my pants, but I didn’t want him to see so I poured the smoothie all over my body, and to this day he thinks I am clumsy not devious.

Yikes!

Top 5 worst things you did on Groundhog’s day that you’ll now have to repeat for the rest of your life:

5. Googling “good internships.”
4. Buying all the Big League Chew in New Haven in order to blow the biggest bubble ever and then doing that and getting caught in that bubble and now everyone called you Pink Boy.
3. Missing the $5 student burrito at Tomatillo by five minutes.
2. Putting some toast in the toaster on 3, and then it not being toasted enough and putting it back down again and moving it up to 4 and then it gets really burnt and you try and scrape off the burnt with a knife but it’s like burnt all the way through and now your sink is just covered in ash.
1. Facebook-messaging your elementary school crush and saying, “Thanks for the memories.”

Upcoming Schedule:

Just Add Water presents: We’re Back

Friday

9:30 p.m.

Calhoun Cabaret

Mixed Company presents: Snow Job

Saturday

7:00 p.m.

SSS 114

10th Annual Run for Refugees 5K

Sunday

10:00 p.m.

Wilbur Cross High School

Apartheid Divestment Panel

Thursday

LC 101

6:00 p.m.

Incoming/Outgoing

Incoming:

Dave and Busters – Pop icons Selena Gomez and The Weeknd spent their first date at the adult version of Chuck E. Cheese, reminding us that video games and cheap pizza can be fun even after one turns 13.

Outgoing:

Filibusters – Senate Republicans consider scrapping important legislative tool in order to confirm SCOTUS nominee who founded a “Fascism Forever Club” in high school.