Duke University, Rutgers University, the University of Notre Dame, Brown University and Cornell University are all schools that are completely unimportant. Yet, in the last few weeks, they have all been making headlines after their administrations announced the schools will be requiring students to have a COVID-19 vaccine come this fall. This appears to be a growing trend, as more and more colleges and universities grapple with whether they should institute their own COVID-19 vaccine mandate. However, in a shocking twist of events, not everyone is on board with this whole “coronavirus pandemic” thing. Apparently, recent studies find that one in five Americans say they still will not get a COVID-19 vaccine. Additional studies have also confirmed that five out of five people who still choose not to wear masks are complete idiots. This study was performed by me for the entirety of this past year, and I have to say my results have yet to prove me wrong. Regardless, it is clear that even though 211 million doses of COVID-19 vaccines have been administered as of April 20, the topic of the COVID-19 vaccine is still a hotbed for debate and criticism. So, how are colleges and universities planning to navigate this, especially when they consider requiring vaccination?

Like being able to perform a perfect keg stand, vaccines are not a new requirement when enrolling students into higher education. In fact, for almost a century, colleges and universities have required students to receive vaccinations, such as the measles, mumps and rubella vaccine. What makes the case with the COVID-19 vaccines particularly tricky and different from previous vaccines is that these vaccines were authorized for emergency use in the United States. That means that none of them (Pfizer, Moderna, or Johnson & Johnson) have received full approval by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Therefore, because it doesn’t have the seal of approval from the almighty FDA, there is a lot of legal ambiguity in whether or not colleges can actually enforce mandatory vaccination. Basically, people have the right under emergency use authorization of vaccines to choose whether or not they want to receive it.

The situation is like if you were a kid and you went over to your friend Derek’s house to go for a bike ride. Derek’s mom might say, “Hey, put on your helmet.” It’s like, yeah sure, it would make me safer and it’s probably the right thing to do. But technically, since it’s not against the law and Derek’s mom is not in charge of you, you have the right to say, “Eat shit, Derek’s mom,” and live your life as you see fit. As a result of this gray area in ethics and laws, many colleges and universities are choosing to wait things out. Some are leaving the decision to students. Some are hosting vaccine drives in hopes to vaccinate as many students as they can. And others may just be banking on the fact that the United States will reach herd immunity by the fall and they won’t have to make vaccination a requirement. Obviously, I’m hopeful the United States will stay on its projected path of vaccinations, which is set to reach herd immunity by August 2021. Yet, the world is crazy and screwed up, so for all intents and purposes, here are the pros and cons in my eyes to having colleges require vaccinations.

For starters, the biggest cons that stand out to me are the factors of race and enforcement. Now, this might surprise some readers, but the United States was founded in 1776, and yet somehow, people were racist even before that (a feat some bigots could only dream of!). As a result, we live in a nation whose bedrock is that of hate, racism, prejudice and vile. I used to think America’s biggest issue was the fact we kept putting Ben Affleck in movies (see: hate and vile). Jokes aside, it is obvious our country’s most glaring issue is systemic racism and all of our other embedded institutions that are built to oppress minority groups.

There are multiple examples from our nation’s history to suggest why many Black Americans aren’t super giddy about getting a COVID-19 vaccine. Many will immediately cite the “Study of Untreated Syphilis in the Negro Male,” or as it is commonly known as, the Tuskegee Syphilis Study. While this was a severe case of the United States medical system taking advantage of, lying to and harming Black people, this is not the only definitive reason why Black people are getting vaccinated at a slower pace than white people. For example, Black patients as a whole in the medical community are facing higher rates of untreated pain or complications or death after surgery than white patients. In a discussion with CNN, Dr. Kimberly Manning, a professor of medicine at Emory University, noted other factors affecting communities of color include access to vaccination clinics, needle phobias and literacy. NPR supported this notion with an analysis that proved that in states such as Louisiana, Texas and Alabama, there were fewer vaccine hubs in Black and Hispanic communities than there were in white neighborhoods. So, it’s not an issue of “hesitancy,” which Dr. Manning says is a word “fraught with peril” within communities of color, so much as it is an issue of accessibility and equality. Therefore, it seems complicated and problematic to say that colleges might require all students to get vaccinated but not necessarily help combat these issues with accessibility.

Another huge issue colleges and universities would need to figure out is the enforcement of such vaccine mandates. There are issues that could make it difficult to do so. For example, many state laws indicate that colleges cannot force students to receive a vaccine against their wishes if they have legitimate medical excuses or if they want to deny vaccination for religious reasons. Additionally, schools like Cornell will be requiring students to show proof that they have been vaccinated, but a) there is no universal vaccine credential, and b) those little white cards a lot of us have gotten are pretty easy to forge.

So, while I do believe in modern medicine and science, I can’t write about vaccinations without mentioning these cons and possible downsides. However, on the flip side, there are some pros to having colleges and universities require COVID-19 vaccinations for all students. For starters, requiring students to get vaccinated is probably the fastest and most surefire way for colleges to return to normal campus life. Furthermore, for schools like the University of Minnesota, which is surrounded by the numerous suburbs and communities of the Twin Cities, requiring students to get vaccinated will not only protect them but all of our neighbors as well. Case in point, NPR published a report showing how easily college students spread disease and viruses like COVID-19 to nearby communities when the right quarantining and medical precautions are not taken. Requiring COVID-19 vaccines could, in turn, result in protecting an even larger group of people beyond just students. Finally, there are plainly just the health benefits. If colleges require the vaccine, then students will be that much safer. As someone who believes that the vaccines work, I think that’s a no-brainer. If we can keep students safe and healthy, why wouldn’t we?

Overall, my opinion is if things suddenly become worse or there are new strains of COVID-19 tearing the country apart, it would be more than reasonable to require college students to get a vaccine. I believe the COVID-19 vaccines are safe and that it would be wise for any and all people who are able to get the vaccine to do so. However, I am hopeful that our country will reach herd immunity and colleges won’t have to make the vaccination process required. The end goal is to not perpetuate any more of our country’s already glaring issues with race and accessibility.

I had my doubts about the nation’s vaccine rollout plan at the start of the year. Hell, I even wrote a column back in January where I basically said, “Don’t hold your breath people.” Yet, I am happy to report that I was completely wrong! Stupid past Henry, go read a book!

According to recent reports, the United States, if it keeps up its current vaccination pace, could reach herd immunity in the next couple of months, according to USA Today. This is great, relieving news for a lot of people, I am sure. Of course, I do not want to arm you with this information and make it seem like I am encouraging reckless, maskless behavior now. Because I am not.

We are getting closer to the light at the end of the tunnel, but we are not there yet. However, if it is alright with you, I wanted to voice some of my current thoughts and daydreams about life after this terrible pandemic is behind us. And to tell you the truth, even if it is not alright with you, I am going to talk about it, anyway.

Before the pandemic started, there were tons of hobbies I was hoping to pick up: competitive doorknob licking, sneeze catching (catching as many strangers’ sneezes as possible in one day) and, of course, the ever-popular polar plunge. No, not that thing where you go jump in a lake in the middle of winter. That’s stupid. My polar plunge is when you take a cold shower, run naked into an industrial freezer with your friends and stand there for as long as possible. Last one to get hypothermia wins! Yet, as strange as it may sound, I don’t think I will take up any of these incredibly fun hobbies once we’ve reached herd immunity. The pandemic has really opened my eyes and will probably impact how I live out the rest of my life.

For example, parties. Yes, I know I am the resident party animal over here at the Minnesota Daily. I’m not denying that. What will college parties look like now? Way back when, I used to share drinks and smoke random things that were handed to me, no questions asked. Now, if I can even build up the mental confidence and assurance to attend a large gathering of cramped college students, I sincerely doubt I will ever share another drink again. And you best believe I will be checking that everything I’m smoking has been approved by Dr. Anthony Fauci.

But I wonder is that just paranoid, germaphobe me? Or will this be a growing trend on college campuses? It is something to consider, … but to be fair, there were people still partying regularly during shutdowns, so I guess it will probably be just me. In fact, the Washington Post predicts that the nation will probably experience an exhilarating era of debauchery and hijinks just like in the Roaring ‘20s. People are anxious and eager to return to that “normalcy” of partying, hanging out and just being free to live without fear of a deadly virus. But what is “normal”?

I feel like everyone refers to normal or normalcy in articles and research as “life before the pandemic happened.” The question I would like to leave you with is, do you want to return to that normal? I am not saying I want life to continue like it is now because I want to hang out with my friends, and I would love to stop wearing masks. But there are lessons and habits we’ve picked up during the pandemic that we should consider taking along with us in the future. Maybe we should wear masks if we go out in public and are sick. Maybe we should allow people to work remotely and still be allowed to thrive in their professions. Maybe everyone should carry a little bottle of hand sanitizer with them — just little things like that.

Or, we focus on the humanity and ethical dilemmas we have had to ponder while quarantining. An obvious one that comes to mind is racial justice, specifically regarding the police and their absurd reign of brutality. I do not want to return to that “normal,” when police could kill innocent Black people and face no jail time. Admittedly, this is a “normal” that has been in place in our country for decades, but the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has announced that racism is a public health threat, spurred on by the coronavirus pandemic.

But what does this mean? Does it mean our ignorance has been resolved and people are starting to see the light and error of their ways? No. People are still dumb, despicable and racist. All I know is, it feels like our society could really be on the brink of some serious, positive change that could greatly benefit Black, Indigenous and people of color communities. And I don’t want to throw that away or disregard it once we reach herd immunity. I do not want people to go out and party instead of sitting alone for a moment and contemplating their own passive racism or implicit bias. We need to think about these things as a society in order to grow, change and foster humanity.

So yes. We are on the verge of returning to “normal” functioning in the nation once again. Yet, I implore you to reflect and consider what your contributions were to our “normal” society.

If you take the time to visit the Unicorn Riot website, you’ll quickly be greeted by the following mission statement: “Our work is dedicated to exposing root causes of dynamic social and environmental issues through amplifying stories and exploring sustainable alternatives in today’s globalized world.” At first glance, this may not seem too overwhelming or different from today’s established media outlets such as the New York Times, Politico or even Fox News. I mean, every news organization works to expose the truth (or at least that’s what they believe they are doing). Yet, since 2015, Unicorn Riot has been — in my eyes — Minnesota’s premier alternative media source.

Because it is an alternative and nonprofit independent media source, it won’t necessarily be as far-reaching as news sources like KARE 11 or WCCO. You won’t find Unicorn Riot reporting on the stock market or the increase in carjackings in St. Paul. Instead, it reports on topics like the prison system and labor rights. I believe it serves a much more practical purpose as a media source: Unicorn Riot works to directly cover events that affect everyday people and communities. Sure, established news sources will tell you what’s happening in Washington D.C., but changes in your city that can affect you immediately? That’s the kind of news people should be watching, in my opinion. Politics are local!

And that’s why Unicorn Riot is so fantastic: The journalists choose topics and events to report on that they know will affect the Twin Cities’ (and other cities’) communities, especially communities of color or communities that are often overlooked or misrepresented. For example, they’ve dedicated the last few weeks to reporting on the construction of the Line 3 pipeline and the resistance effort trying to stop it from being built. It really is the people’s media. And here’s the thing: I really don’t think people understand just how challenging and difficult many aspects of independent media production are. I really think their work is top-notch and deserves all the praise in the world.

First, let’s talk about the media market, specifically in regards to saturation and misrepresentation. The news cycle never sleeps; we are constantly surrounded by breaking news and events. Therefore, our TVs and smart devices are saturated with dozens of news outlet choices. According to Statista, as of 2017 there are at least 1,761 commercial television stations on the air. Now obviously, not all of these are news media sources, but you can still consume information — or distract yourself from the news — with hundreds of different channels. However, this can lead to some more problems, such as bias and misinformation. For example, every news outlet creates its own spin on a story, covering it its way. When this happens, we can see one headline from Fox News talking about the same event that NPR is covering, but the exact wording can greatly affect our perception of that story, leading to possible misinformation or bias.

That’s why alternative news outlets like Unicorn Riot are so essential to have as part of our media landscape. They are not bogged down with this unnecessary demand to cover “big stories or headlines.” They can turn their attention to stories that are being missed but can still have a significant impact on the world, such as the creation of environmentally damning pipelines or local protests.

Case in point, Unicorn Riot has extensive footage and documentation of George Floyd Square and the activists who keep it safe along with stories focusing on immigration protests outside of a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement detention center. Local news organizations do similar work, but what’s even cooler is that Unicorn Riot specifically will interview and livestream protests and rallies directly. There is no dilution from a reporter’s opinion or interruptions from commercials. It’s a raw, incredible way to receive news so personally and genuinely.

Now, making genuine and unfiltered news is not that easy. Yes, you can always livestream and film on your smart device, but where’s the quality in that? Well, Unicorn Riot understands this and uses some really strong DSLR cameras and handheld mics to boost its productions’ overall quality. However, for those who don’t have a media production background like me, you may not know this … but video production equipment is incredibly expensive. Considering Unicorn Riot is not an established organization that can make money through broadcast ads, it’s pretty remarkable it can continue doing its work without sacrificing quality just because it doesn’t have a budget (it is funded only by generous public donations and grants). It is no minor feat to start collecting video gear and have to build your way up, especially when you film livestreams that last several hours. For example, following George Floyd’s killing, Unicorn Riot filmed the protests and unrest in the city for several hours straight.

Finally, the last point I’d like to make is the fact that everything the organization does is for us, the people. Unicorn Riot listens to us, following our passions and missions. And, as I said earlier, our news cycle is never-ending. Because of this, the news continues to grow as a more collaborative and interactive media landscape. I don’t think any organization nails down the practice of collaborating with audiences and communities better than Unicorn Riot does.

Unicorn Riot journalists are actively listening to us because they are heavily invested in the cities in which they report. They will interview people other news outlets overlook. They will listen to them and actively try to learn. It’s that care and passion that really sets them apart and nails home what I’ve been trying to say this whole time: Unicorn Riot is unique and important and should be celebrated.

For all the anti-maskers out there, yes, the rumors are true. Us service industry workers revel in the moments we get to tell you to put on your mask. Oh god, what euphoria! We love jeopardizing our own health and well-being just so we can remind you to put on a mask when you pick up your $7 burrito. I’ll be honest — I feel like such a big man when I get to tell folks they need a mask to walk into my place of work. Yeah, that’s right. I’m a freaking junkie chasing down every chance I can get to tell someone to put on their mask because hoo-chow! What a rush it is to tell an adult to do something that should be common sense by now.

Yet, these are just some of the trials and tribulations I face working in the service industry. I know my experience is ubiquitous, however; just about every other retail and service employee out there has had to go through the same motions. And while it was tough for service workers even before the pandemic, it seems to me that companies and employers have not risen to the task of finding new ways to protect or reward workers for even more stress and emotional fatigue during this last year. And it is unbelievably frustrating.

Even more frustrating is the fact that I cannot delve anymore into my own experience working in the food industry. I’m told that, apparently, if I write an exposé on my workplace I’ll “get fired.” I guess employers don’t like it if you tell the masses what happens behind closed doors, which clearly shows something must be seriously wrong with that employer or company if you can’t talk to people about the flaws in the organization. How can we hold businesses accountable if we can’t criticize them? Yet, I need this gig, so I’ll leave it with this sentiment: I love my job. I am treated like a prince. However, some of my fellow service industry workers have had less jovial experiences, especially during the pandemic.

Service industry workers are oftentimes denied a lot of the privileges other working folks receive. Most of the time, they do not receive employer-provided health insurance and benefits. You also can’t call into your service job and work remotely. Basically, service workers are left with very few options and are forced to risk their immune systems and sanity while dealing with people who berate them about mask mandates. And make no mistake, I did use the word “forced” intentionally because what other options do service employees have? The New York Times reported that many experts agree that the coronavirus has just highlighted the already significant disparity between service workers and high-earning professionals when it comes to healthcare and sick leave. Worse still, there are racial factors in said economic disparities. In a study done by One Fair Wage, close to 90% of Black workers reported their tips have declined by half or more since the start of the pandemic. As if it weren’t bad enough that coronavirus already has disproportionately infected more Black people than white people, now Black employees are making significantly less money too. No longer can the argument be made that, “Oh well, they get tips so they’ll make enough money to get by.” That is grossly incorrect.

Tips definitely help service workers out, but it’s important to note that there is no universal tipping system for the service industry. Some employers let their employees receive tips. Some make them split tips. And others don’t accept tips. Bottom line is, without tips, service workers like restaurant employees are often getting paid jack shit.

As if inequality, health risks and lack of income weren’t bad enough, consider the fact that dozens of workers have reported sexual harassment and violent altercations that have resulted from telling customers to wear masks. As reported by Gothamist, workers filled out a One Fair Wage survey and reported comments and threats they received while working in the service industry. These comments included, “Pull that mask down so I can see if I want to take you home later” and “I don’t wear a condom; I sure as hell aren’t going to wear a mask!”

One woman who worked at a bar in Manhattan reported that when she told a man to put on a mask, his response was that he would wait outside until the bar closed and then kill her. What the hell is wrong with people?

There are two solutions I can think of that could drastically change this entire situation. First off, President Joe Biden absolutely needs to raise the national minimum wage to $15 an hour. It is disturbing that this is still a topic of debate. We are supposed to be a global leader, yet we still have workers who can’t even make a minimum wage to support themselves? It’s beyond upsetting. Raising the minimum wage would greatly benefit thousands of people in the service industry. Additionally, the government and employers, in general, need to do a better job of adapting and protecting their employees. These are weird times, and employers need to rise to the occasion and adapt business models that actively protect their workers.

Then there is my second solution, which shouldn’t have to be mentioned, but since there are still people who choose to elicit death threats to their local bartenders, I’ll say it: Don’t be an asshole. Those are human beings behind that counter! Where is your decency? You don’t have to kiss their ass, but for God’s sake, be decent. Be kind. Just say please and thank you, take your order and go. It shouldn’t be this hard.

Let me make myself abundantly clear: I appreciate Zoom and its ability to save plays, musicals and stand-up comedy by bringing together an audience of people safely and remotely. And by no means do I think anyone who has used Zoom or other telecommunication tools to broadcast these events is dumb or foolish for doing so. For Pete’s sake, we are not left with many safe options, okay? We clear on that, friend? Great. Now that I’ve said that … I hate Zoom performances and I really hope they become old news once the pandemic is over and done with.

You might be thinking to yourself, “Henry, don’t be your usual annoying, dumb self. Of course, we won’t be using Zoom once people can gather safely in society again.” Yet, I’m not so convinced. Think of it like this: Over the course of this entire pandemic, companies and employees have shifted their mindsets from never working from home to possibly working remotely for the rest of their lives. What’s to say this can’t happen in the arts? All I’m saying is, people have gotten used to being able to call into an otherwise live performance and watch from the comfort of their homes. Who’s to say people won’t want that after this pandemic is over? Not me!

Let’s also discuss the changing landscape of the theater industry as a whole. According to Forbes, Broadway is going to do some major overhaul if they don’t want to end up a thing of the past. For example, New York has always been a cultural hub for all things culture. Yet, in the aftermath of the pandemic, theaters and creatives alike have had to migrate to different cities in order to continue their work. So, even if live performances return, will tickets cost $100 more because of this huge setback? And speaking of accessibility, will Broadway and the in-person entertainment experience become even more exclusive, forcing out a large demographic of folks who can no longer afford to see a show? Will there be a similar effect on local theatres?

Or what about the fact that we’re seeing the emergence of musicals and plays migrating over to streaming platforms? Hamilton took Disney+ by storm over the holidays. Movies that were once blockbuster hits opening weekends are no longer given the chance to debut at the theater. Instead, films like “Wonder Woman 1984” or “Just Mercy” are going straight to streaming platforms and not through their usual studio routes to movie theaters. Will this new phenomenon completely eliminate the movie theater industry and further boost this Zoom era of receiving all our entertainment inside our own homes?

Of course, I assume that people will want to return to live shows. We all miss sitting in plush theater seats, acting like we understand art and culture and fighting for a spot in overcrowded bathrooms during intermission. I assume we all miss this, but you know what they say about assuming. It just makes an ass out of “u” and only you — yeah, that’s right. I’ll never be made to look like an ass, unless of course more people like Zoom entertainment than I thought.

So, do I have a proposal or action plan lined up for you? Absolutely not! I’m a hot-headed, red-blooded American who doesn’t know how to use the word “acquiesce” properly in a sentence. But will that stop me from giving you my opinion? Hell to the acquiesce no. Here is what I believe: For the time being, Zoom has been awesome. It’s probably brought lots of people joy because they’ve been able to either watch or perform meaningful acts that they otherwise thought would be impossible in the world of coronavirus. However, nothing can beat the experience of live theatre and performance. Therefore, I don’t want anyone getting any wise ideas and thinking it’ll be okay to keep Zoom around for these purposes.

Zoom, you’ve been a great substitute for the last year, and honestly, I don’t think the world should just quit Zoom cold turkey. Obviously, it does have a lot of advantages and can maybe be utilized to help shows reach a wider audience in the future and help lessen some accessibility issues facing performers and audiences. That all being said, when the day comes when Zoom is no longer needed, all I can say is I hope the door doesn’t hit its ass on the way out.

High school is already a cesspool of insecurities and anxiety. Whether it was worrying about a new zit, having two dates to the prom or wondering if the librarian was flirting with you, high school was taxing on us all, physically and mentally. But, can you imagine reliving all of that with the backdrop of COVID-19? Last week, Gov. Tim Walz announced that some schools in Minnesota would be implementing in-person and hybrid learning curriculums. This means children from kindergarten to high school will be returning to the classroom, but they will need to be masked and socially distanced.

Beginning February 22, all middle and high schools can begin to welcome students back to the classroom for hybrid or in-person learning under new guidelines. We expect all schools to offer their students some form of in-person learning by March 8.

— Governor Tim Walz (@GovTimWalz) February 17, 2021

The Governor, and the Minnesota Department of Health in its 2020-2021 Planning Guide for Schools outline, argue that “many children and families are experiencing additional economic hardships, social isolation and other stressors.” Therefore, they use this logic to conclude that reopening in-person or hybrid learning curriculums would be the best way to alleviate these issues. Yet, as insensitive as it may sound, I don’t think reopening our schools is the right answer.

I am a huge proponent of taking care of yourself and giving time to cultivate and nurture both physical and mental wellbeing. But I know if I was back to in-person learning, I’d be freaking out every single minute about getting sick. I don’t think I would be alone in thinking this, considering the fact that several educators will be returning to the classroom without receiving a vaccine. According to a 2019 Minnesota Professional Educator and Licensing and Standards Board report, there are 133,945 active teachers in Minnesota. (Again, that’s as of 2019, so it’s subject to change). And while many educators are receiving their vaccines, according to MPR, the process for our teachers to receive the vaccine is less like a signature on the dotted line and more like “The Hunger Games,” due to the fact that teachers are, like everyone else, basically in competition to get an incredibly limited COVID-19 vaccine. If that’s not bad enough, there are teachers who are openly admitting that they will be struggling to focus more on teaching and less on their health and safety. Putting some educators through this emotional rollercoaster doesn’t seem fair to me.

But what about the students and families? As I mentioned before, thousands of families and students have fallen on economic and social hardships, and I agree that going back to some sort of normalcy would probably greatly help out a lot of people. So, to be completely fair, I don’t have a very strong argument against this point. I want struggling families to get all the help they need and I want students to be released from some of the mental burdens I’m sure virtual learning has placed on them. The only two points I would make are timing and trust. First, the timing to reinforce going back to in-person learning seems odd, considering the fact that spring break would be around the corner for many students. Let’s face it, not everyone treats and handles COVID-19 safety measures the same way. It could be risky having students return, only for them to be engaged in possible travels during spring break.

Then, there’s our trust of students. I’m just gonna say it: Some kids are real shitheads. They are! I’ve worked with children in the past, and some are just terrible little brats. If we let them go back to in-class learning, we’re honestly putting a ton of faith in them and their ability to keep their masks on, wash their hands and practice social distancing. And I’m not saying students can’t handle this … but c’mon. We all remember that one kid from elementary school who peed all over a locker just because he could. Do you think that kid will always be wearing his mask?

There’s also the fact that kids are not immune to COVID-19. While it’s confirmed that the virus may not have as drastic impacts on a child’s immune system as it does on an adult, children can still get significantly ill. And while eventually down the road (hopefully) all of our teachers will be vaccinated, the question of when children will become eligible for vaccination is anyone’s guess. As of right now, it is not deemed safe for anyone under the age of 16 to receive the vaccine and pediatric trials for a COVID-19 vaccine are still underway. So, going back to school will introduce children to higher virus exposure and possibly endanger them even more.

I think an article from Scientific American summarizes the overall situation of education in the age of COVID-19 perfectly. More or less, the article basically says, “Listen, regardless of what we choose to do, it’s not gonna be a win.” If we let students go back to school, there will be fear of COVID-19 coupled with the fact that they won’t have the same classroom experience that they remember having. Or, if we let them continue to learn from home, they continue to feel the isolation and Zoom fatigue we all have felt at some point. Also, I know that the CDC has outlined a way for in-person classes to resume and produce safe and reliable results. And hey, I believe the science, and I know these folks know a lot more about the virus and health than I do. But, at the end of the day, returning to in-person classes just rubs me the wrong way.

Rebecca Black deserved better — nay, we didn’t deserve her. On Feb. 10, 2011, Black released the pinnacle anthem for the weekend, “Friday.” This song, paired with a revolutionary and bitchin’ music video, culminated into a culture shock our world has yet to recover from. Two weeks ago, Black released a 10th-anniversary remix of “Friday” to commemorate the song and its legacy. Listening to the remix brought back a flood of emotions I thought were tucked away forever, along with my signature middle school bowl cut and braces. Yet, now that I’m a successful, sexy and brilliant college student, I was confused that the song still made me feel such strong emotions.

“What’s happening to me?” I thought.

“Have I reverted to that sickly middle school form?” No — a quick look in the mirror and some therapy reassured me I was past that. So what was it? Troubled, I analyzed the lyrics to “Friday,” and there I was greeted with an epiphany. You’ll recall, in a masterful bridge toward the end of the song, Black reminds us, “Yesterday was Thursday. Today it is Friday.”

Yes, I see where you’re going with this, Rebecca, but why does this matter? I pondered. Then, Black enlightened me: “We-we-we so excited / We so excited / We gonna have a ball today.”

“Oh my god,” I thought. We are excited, aren’t we? Admittedly, I’m always thrilled it’s Friday, but Black’s thesis also made it clear we were gonna have a ball today (Friday). However, that’s not always the case for me, Rebecca.

With school, work and other responsibilities, oftentimes I’m just too tired or sad to really embrace the full spirit of Friday like Black does. “I hope they never take that away from you, Rebecca,” I think to myself as I watch her party with all four of her friends in the music video. Then, I realized Black wasn’t just partying because it was Friday. No. All these years, she’s been advocating for us. It all makes so much sense. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before! “Friday” by Black isn’t just a party song; it is a rallying cry for society to petition for four-day workweeks.

The four-day workweek is exactly what it sounds like: We should only be having school and work for four days, specifically Monday through Thursday. Then, we should be relaxing and, of course, partying on Fridays. But, if the words of the wise-beyond-her-years Black don’t convince you of supporting a four-day workweek, consider the following:

For starters, the productivity and overall performance of the company could still survive and thrive thanks to continuing support from technology. Research shows that our robotic co-workers, artificial intelligence (AI) systems, and day-to-day technology like laptops can actually ensure ample time for employees to complete their work in four days and still provide support on off days like Fridays. Speaking of employees, Sanford University conducted a study that proved people have higher morale and productivity rates when they are not being overworked and are introduced to a four-day workweek schedule.

Obviously, there is the argument that there will be less time to work and therefore work will not get done — and people will not receive the same amount of pay. Yet, last year NPR found that companies still saw higher sales and productivity with four-day workweeks, were able to continue to pay their employees the same wages and came to a mutual understanding with employees that they needed to finish all their work because of the new time crunch.

Finally, there is overall employee satisfaction because, let’s face it: If you are running a company and you have angry employees, chances are they either won’t do their best work or they’ll just quit. But multiple sources agree that converting to a four-day workweek has been proven to boost overall happiness, lower stress and increase employee loyalty toward their company. And, once again, happier employees equals more productivity, and more productivity equals more money in your pocket. So, unless you’re one of those weird business owners who like to lose money, consider the four-day workweek.

And then, pay some thanks to Rebecca Black, the brave visionary who worked hard to champion Fridays — a time of rest and party.

President and the original inspiration for Carl Fredricksen from the movie “Up,” Joe Biden, is facing mounting pressure from some elected Democrats to cancel student debt. Biden said time and time again on the campaign trail that he supports canceling up to $10,000 worth of student debt, but now leading Democrats like Sen. Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren argue he should cancel up to $50,000 worth of debt. But Biden is starting to sound a lot like the kid that you’re partnered with on a class project who just agrees with all your ideas and then does no work. Biden continually says he is in support of canceling student debt, … yet here we are. Still in a world with student debt. So, the question on all our minds is, “What gives, Joe?”

Biden has an ample amount of reasons for canceling student debt. For starters, the American people have invested a lot of hope in him following through on his promises. We’re counting on Joe Biden. After the last terrible four years with Trump, we need someone actually capable and able to make smart and beneficial decisions for our country’s citizens.

If America was the 1996 family comedy “Matilda,” Trump was the abusive and cruel Miss Trunchbull who force-fed the American people chocolate cake, which makes Joe Biden the wonderful and kind Miss Honey. We’re not asking you to be perfect, Joe. We just want the next four years to be like that one music montage scene in the movie where Matilda and Miss Honey dance around and rollerblade inside the house. So c’mon, Mr. President! Cancel student debt and let us rollerblade inside the house!

… I am being notified that my “Matilda” reference may not be as ubiquitous as I thought. Therefore, here are some more “relatable” arguments for canceling student debt, although I struggle to think of what is more relatable than the story of a girl who was able to develop telekinetic powers after obsessively reading.

First, Biden holds the power to cancel student debt quickly and easily, something that is virtually unheard of in the government. You see, the president doesn’t actually need to garner judicial approval for canceling student debt. The president could sign an executive order today and cancel as much student debt as he pleases. It could literally be as simple as the signing of his name on paper and boom! Thousands of students are receiving a huge relief from their financial burdens. However, Biden’s staff has told the press that while he still wants to cancel student debt, he’d rather do it with Congress’ support. So, we know it’s not a matter of actually convincing the president to do this; it’s other politicians. This is where we ask our second question of the day: “What gives, politicians?”

Apparently, Republicans and fiscally conservative Democrats (who are Republicans with better skincare routines) argue that canceling student debt wouldn’t stimulate the economy because people would just continue to save the money they’d been putting aside for debt. There is also a raging debate on “what is fair” regarding student debt, which basically questions who should be allowed to receive this cancellation. Like, should a medical student from an Ivy League get the same amount of debt paid off as an English major at a small public college? Although college can be deemed a “universal experience,” in reality, every student that has acquired debt has a different story and background, making the decision process “tricky.”

Oh, and then, of course, there are taxes! Because if there’s one thing American politicians love more than making children cry and not doing their jobs, it’s taxes. People say that student loan forgiveness would increase your taxable income, and that just means that if the government gave us $10,000 for student loan forgiveness, they can actually still tax that. So, you’d end up paying $2,000 of that original $10,000 when tax season comes around. Don’t you just love that?

If you ask me, and I’ll speak in a language the president can understand, all of that is just a bunch of malarkey. So what if people have different amounts of debt and different backgrounds? So what if we end up losing a little bit of that money to taxes? I mean, in reality, they should be making these loan forgiveness payments tax-deductible, but I know that might not happen. We live in a capitalist society after all.

But, the bottom line is, even a little bit of money could greatly help students in debt right now. And if that’s the case, then why the hesitation? The president has the power to help millions of students and give them a chance not to be indebted for the rest of their lives. This seems like a no-brainer to me, Mr. President. Please forgive student debt and cancel at least some of it. Otherwise, I’ll be forced to ask myself, “What gives, democracy?”

There seems to be some hypocrisy within the American prison system. We incarcerate more people than any other country in the world, all in the name of public safety (or at least, that’s what some people say to justify these actions). However, for a country that places such heavy emphasis on the importance of safety, where is the concern for our inmates when one of the deadliest viruses of all time rips apart the world?

I’m not going to open the whole can of worms about whether someone who is incarcerated should be classified as a citizen and have the same rights as someone who has never been to prison. There shouldn’t be a debate: Incarcerated people should have the right to vote and continue their democratic roles any citizen is promised. Incarcerated people are citizens, which means they should be receiving the same care the general public is getting regarding COVID-19 safety procedures. But is this the case?

As of Feb. 2, 372,583 people in prison have contracted the coronavirus, with a reported 2,359 of those cases resulting in death, according to The Marshall Project. In Minnesota alone, 2 in 5 prisoners have tested positive for COVID-19. Proportionally, that is 5.3 times more positive cases when compared to Minnesota overall. How does this happen? Obviously, a huge contributor to the spread is the inability to properly social distance in a confined holding cell or prison.

Additionally, there is the fact that all prisons are staffed with people going in and out of the prison every day. On average, prisons are staffing around 10 officers for every 33 prisoners; so, if you have a prison like Minnesota Correctional Facility in Lino Lakes, which houses 1,300 incarcerated adults, you have about 394 officers stationed at that prison. Then, we have to consider that visitors can also bring in COVID-19. Currently, Minnesota Correctional Facilities allow in-person visits for family and friends, but they have to be under reservation, and all guests are required to wear masks.

Another critical and overlooked factor is the lack of care and treatment prisoners are receiving. In October 2020, Donte Westmoreland contracted the coronavirus while serving time at Lansing Correctional Facility. Westmoreland described how he was in a room with other COVID-19 victims and felt as though he had been given a death sentence.

“People are actually dying in front of me off of this virus,” he said. What’s more, many incarcerated people report that some prisons continue to transfer inmates from different prisons, inviting the possibility of the virus to spread to a new group of people.

Incarcerated people, folks who are already disregarded as pariahs in our society, are somehow miraculously being further ostracized, more than before the virus struck our country. (Only America can pull off such a remarkable feat as this.) So, what are prisons doing to combat these COVID-19 cases?

Unfortunately, there is no universal policy, so it really depends on the state and local governments’ decisions. In Minnesota, prisons are given masks for both the incarcerated and staff. The correctional facility in Lino Lakes requires that staff wear their masks at all times and inmates wear them outside of their cells. This policy is actually pretty close to the norm for every correctional facility listed on the Minnesota Department of Corrections website.

While it is reassuring to hear that masks are being distributed, it’s evident that this isn’t enough. Incarcerated people are continuing to die at disproportionate levels. When the pandemic first started, a lot of people compared nursing home situations to that of prisons: many people confined to small living spaces. However, nursing homes are at the front of the line for vaccines, but where will the incarcerated fall on that list? It will all come down to politics, … which historically has never been favorable to those who are incarcerated, according to NPR.

The pandemic has managed to bring to light the true colors of people, institutions and countries. Unfortunately, it continues to highlight just how fundamentally broken our prison-industrial system is. Even before the coronavirus upended our world, incarcerated people were already far more vulnerable to illnesses than the general population and were subjected to improper rehabilitation in inhumane prisons.

Now, almost a year into the pandemic, incarcerated folks continue to receive the short end of the stick and do not seem to be getting any better treatment or help. I don’t know what it will take for people to finally start treating the incarcerated like human beings. Our country’s leaders believe in freedom and equality for all yet never extend that olive branch to the incarcerated. How hypocritical.

It is not required to get the coronavirus vaccine in the state of Minnesota, … but it’s also not required to watch the hit 2002 film “Scooby-Doo.” Yet deep down, you know that you probably should do both of these things. The Moderna and Pfizer COVID-19 vaccines are slowly making their way into the mainstream, but for many, the vaccine is also slowly bringing questions, concerns and paranoia. Rest assured, dear readers, that I spent the better part of two hours doing my research and can safely say that I am now an expert on all things COVID-19 vaccine-related. I even took a Buzzfeed quiz that confirms my knowledge of the vaccine is equivalent to Dr. Anthony Fauci, so you are in good hands.

For starters, let’s talk about vaccine rollout. Now, according to the Minnesota Department of Health, we are currently in Phase 1a of the plan. This phase prioritizes giving the vaccine to healthcare workers and long-term care residents and staff. And hey, I’m not arguing with that; those are the people who should be getting it first. Of course, the rest of us are wondering who should be next in line. I naturally assumed that, after heroic frontline workers and the elderly, it should be all liberal arts college students. Apparently, this is still up for debate, and according to researchers and scientists, college students shouldn’t expect to receive the vaccine for a few months. Dr. Fauci claims college students can start getting the vaccine as early as April, but this will depend on individual states and their vaccine rollouts.

Currently, rollout progressions are moving as fast as my arthritic Grandma Sue on a steep incline hill: hardly at all. Like nearly every other state, Minnesota has a demand for vaccines that far exceeds the number of vaccines available. As of January 2021, Minnesota is receiving 60,000 doses of the vaccine a week. Yet, any Google search will tell you that Minnesota boasts a population of 5.6 million people. That means we can only vaccinate around 1% of the population with each of our vaccine deliveries. To make matters worse, NPR recently reported that if the United States wishes to meet its “100 million vaccines administered in 100 days” goal, Moderna and Pfizer will need to nearly double their manufacturing. Considering that the companies may struggle to meet contracted targets, it would appear that we college students shouldn’t get our hopes up about getting the vaccine anytime soon.

Now, I’m personally a fan of weird and crazy side effects. I think it would be radical to get the vaccine and just grow an additional arm or be able to taste colors. Sadly though, I can say that you will not be getting any cool superhuman abilities or side effects from the vaccine. The vaccine is very safe and will not alter your DNA or prevent you from getting pregnant. It won’t even give you the coronavirus because none of the vaccines contain the live virus.

Furthermore — despite those who say otherwise — the vaccine was not sloppily rushed. The FDA and the CDC thoroughly reviewed each step and prototype of the vaccine. And if you still don’t believe my reliable source status (see Buzzfeed quiz from the first paragraph), check out this link to a pamphlet that walks you through how the vaccine was made.

I hate to kick you while you’re down, considering you’ve made it this far in my column, but I’m afraid I have one last piece of bad news. It would be awesome to believe that the COVID-19 vaccine is an end-all-be-all solution to this nightmare pandemic world we live in. But it’s not. According to the New York Times, the vaccine rollout alone will not solve everything. In fact, if we lift restrictions too soon or stop wearing masks, we could see an additional 29 million coronavirus infections. Even with the vaccine finally here, the bottom line is that we are not out of the woods just yet, and things will not be returning to normal for some time.

So, my final words to you are to just keep on keeping on. Wear your mask. Take care of yourself and others. Make smart decisions. Be conscious and considerate of your community. And seriously, do yourself a favor and watch the 2002 “Scooby-Doo.” It’s the best thing I’ve done for myself in the past six months.