Notorious K.I.M. is having a baby! I’ve never been happier for her, except when La Bella Mafia went platinum in 2003. But actually, this is better, because she’s announcing the identity of the baby daddy on her NEW REALITY TV SHOW. There is speculation that prizefighter Floyd (Money) Mayweather Jr. is the father, but rapper Mr. Papers has also claimed the baby is his. Anywho, if you care about who the father is then you will definitely play into this subtle publicity stunt and watch the show.

In the meantime, fans have been going nuts and cracking jokes about her multiple surgeries on twitter, the site where everyone’s opinion matters. All I have to say is respect her technique people, Kim started in the streets and changed the female rap game, along with Missy Elliott. If she wants to get 17 facelifts– let her do her! If she wants her bodyguard to carry her into NY Fashion Week– let her do her!

Play an easier game: guess what she’s gonna name the kid! My bet is currently on Littlest Kim, or maybe Benjamin (Franklinz) if it’s a boy.

Where: Master’s House, Ezra Stiles College

When: Tonight! February 19, at 7 pm.

Why: Yale poets Eli Mandel, BR ’14; Anna Renken, ES ’14; Margaret Shultz, ES ’16; and Victoria Bentley, TD ’16 are the statewide winners of the Connecticut Poetry Circuit Contest. They are talented, and they are having a poetry reading.

The Upbeat

High by Peking Duk featuring Nicole Millar

I love Peking Duck. So whoever decides to name a band after the Chinese dish has my vote. Plus, Peking Duk’s album art is hilarious. The Australian duo seems to know what’s up. And “High” is what’s up!!! It’s pretty generic house music (sexy female voice, lyrics about drugs) but the beat is interesting and uplifting.

The Downbeat

Drunk in Love by Beyoncé (The Weeknd remix)

It’s risky to mess with Bey (SHE IS THE ONE WHO KNOCKS), but remixes of “Drunk in Love” are now popping up left and right. First Diplo, then The Weeknd, and today Kanye West’s remix surfaced. But I think The Weeknd’s track warrants a post. The hit becomes a lot slower and smoother with his R&B tone. And he says “BB” a lot. And I really like his hair.

In a recent interview with NBC’s David Gregory, Mitt Romney attempted to explain the logic behind his views against gay marriage. According to Mitt, it will take “a long, long time to determine whether having a gay marriage make it less likely for kids to be raised in settings where there’s a mom and a dad.” Romney added, “that’s not going to happen overnight. It’s something which happens over generations, in fact.” He believes “the ideal setting for raising a child is in a setting where there’s a father and a mother.”

The Bullblog contacted Romney to see if it takes him a “long, long time” to understand other subjects on which he has an opinion.

BB: Mitt, why do you think American families shouldn’t own dogs?

MR: It will take decades to understand whether having a puppy make it less likely for kids to be raised correctly. The effects are being taken place over generations, and there is a not real way to measure any complex consequences of owning say, a golden retriever. I don’t not believe the ideal family unit is a woman, man, 6-11 children, and maybe a cat.

BB: Ohhh. So what is your definition of “raising children correctly”?

MR: It will be a long, long time before I understand the nature of that question, but I do know that the courts have too much power in this or that way or another.

So if anyone asks you if you liked the movie you saw on Friday, you can just say something like, “Oh man, it will be a few years before I understand the movie, or even determine the impact it has on me. But I hate it anyways.”

The Voynich Manuscript is one of Beinecke Library’s prized possessions. It was written around the 15th century, and its name comes from Wilifrid M. Voynich, the man who acquired it in 1912. But that is pretty much all the public knows about it! The manuscript contains a completely UNKNOWN text!

Linguistics PhDs and the cast of MythBusters have been trying to decode the Voynich language for decades. No one has succeeded… Until Now. After months of research and lots of Nicholas Cage-esque montages, the Bullblog has finally deciphered the famous Voynich Manuscript.

Here is the shocking introduction:

“We the People of the civilization of Mesobeytamia, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do foresee and ordain the coming of a prophet.

On the 13^th day of December, in the year 2013, this messiah will descend and release musical recordings. These recordings will be heard around the world, and they will shed light on the meaning of self, the existence of a higher power, and how to lose the baby weight in under 3 months.

We have established a secret order to preserve and protect the safety of Queen Bey, the immortal and everlasting oracle. This order has been decreed the Illuminati (HOVA).

Inexorably, mysterious events leading up the coming of Bey will confuse future populations. Fear not, citizens of Earth: the lost city of Atlantis, the Bermuda Triangle, the Windings font, and Roswell are merely cover-ups. The Illuminati has vowed to guard the welfare of Yoncé (as her disciples know her), but mishaps will occur.

This manuscript provides the key to unlocking the immortal Beyoncé’s word: play the musical album backwards while engaging in the ritualistic act of twerking in order to understand the truth in life, death, and beyond.”

CRAZY right?! Well, we did it. We know the truth; the truth in everything:

Khloe Kardashian was adopted.

The Upbeat

Money on My Mind by Sam Smith (Salute Remix)

Sam Smith had a huge couple of years. If you’ve seen videos of any of his live performances, then you understand his success. He has the voice of a cherub angel and the mane of a baby unicorn. If you haven’t seen those vids, prepare yourself for a two to three hour youtube marathon. Your professor will understand. Smith plans to release “Money on My Mind” on February 16th, but this remix is a nice preview.

The Downbeat

Illuminate by LUUUL featuring Amanda Roi

Belgian producer LUUUL is at the ripe old age of 19, and he has already worked with powerhouses Iggy Azalea and Röyksopp. This song is relaxing– Amanda Roi’s voice floats over pulsing synth and repetitive bass. The effect is numbing. In the best way. Look out for more of these Belgian LUUULlabies, especially as producers are becoming more prominent in a lot of pop and electronic music.

The Upbeat

All the Days by Haerts

HAERTS originally began in a pool in Germany– actually. Founding members Nini and Ben met when they were on a swim team together in their teens. After moving to America and collaborating with St. Lucia producer Jean-Philip Grobler, the couple completed the band with a drummer, bassist, and guitarist. Aritzia Magazine put together the below video, which features the song. The vignette reflects the haunting pop well… mostly because I can’t tell if that dance hall is my dream or nightmare.

The Downbeat

Sea of Dreams by Baby Alpaca (Turbotito Remix)

Baby Alpaca is a relatively new band, but their blend of psychedelic and folk music has quickly gained traction. The smooth sounds are made even smoother in this Turbotito remix, but I suggest you also check out the band’s EP. The duo proves they can provide slower rock anthems as well as more experimental pop sounds. Plus, if you check out their website you’ll see the source of the band’s name. Hint: the lead singer’s mane looks about as fluffy as the downy coat of a certain Peruvian mammal. Or maybe they’re tryin to make sounds as soft as a baby alpaca. In either case, I’m into it.

Check Instagram to find out!!

During one of the most pictorially documented events of the year (no, I’m not talking about the Super Bowl/Grammy’s (yes, I’m talking about the 30th snowfall of the semester)), I concluded that #Instacaptions have become #basic.

To guide any future snowstagram endeavors I created a list of hashtags. #HMU if you have more suggestions.

#SnowHaven #2014  #SnowHaven2014

#IFSA #It’sFuckingSnowingAgain If you couldn’t tell, check #Instagram or rather #InstaWeather

#NotQuiche #UnQuiche #Prettytho so kinda #Quiche

#Snowstagram #Everyone’sDoinIt #WhenInRome #Idiom #Idiot

#MyFaceHurts #IceOnMaFace

#FlakesToTheFace but also #FlakeyFace especially #FlakeyLips

#Permatears

#BoogerIcicles #Boogcicles

#TBLCIMI #TheBranchesLookCoolerInMyInstagram

#Pow #FreshPow #PhreshPowPow #P3

#ILSBIP #It’sLikeSugarButIt’sPow #ThePhreshestPow

Hope this helps. Or we could all just stop uploading photos of the weather. Just a #thought.

The Upbeat

Will Calls by Grizzly Bear (Diplo remix)

Grizzly Bear hails from Brooklyn, NY. The band makes great electronic, rock, and pop music, as evidenced by this cool vid. But Diplo pushes their song, Will Calls, over the rock edge and into “trap city” (lol the below vid lol). And judging by this track, the metropolis seems quite lovely! I feel like Diplo has been spiraling down a path to more and more intense music that I haven’t been able to handle (It’s not you Dips, it’s me (it might be you)). But this is a marked difference from his stroll down the Skrillexy road. And his destination? Trap City! Population: you! Main export: bEatzZ !!

The Downbeat

Life Round Here by James Blake featuring Chance the Rapper

I know this song has been out for a while, but I’d like to call your attention to the music video in case you haven’t seen it. I’d also like to call your attention to the fact that Chance and James Blake are supposedly MOVING IN TOGETHER. To NME’s questions about the move, Chance explained that they are “getting a compound so we figure we might invite people round to the crib and make some music in the house, then kick them out and bring in some new people.” Uh, how do I get an invite to the commune..? I wanna channel creative expression at your tricked-out Utopia project!!

Freal, my email’s charlotte.lovejoy@yale.edu.

This:

VERSUS

This:

Uh… Upgrade.

Yeah, upgrade for sher.