Some people know Dustin Diamond for his role as Screech on Saved by the Bell.  Others know Dustin Diamond for his role in his own sex tape, Screeched – Saved by the Smell.

If I were a betting man I would say that Diamond probably thought to himself, “a sex tape has never ruined a celebrity’s career.  In most cases they have propelled ordinary folks to stardom.  Lets do it!”

The big question on everyone’s mind is “Why didn’t Screech strike it big after dropping the tape?”  Answer: Dustin tried to make fools out of us and used a body double in the tape.  Shame on you Dustin!

Diamond went on to do some voice work in the 2009 blockbuster, Porndogs, in an attempt to rehab his image after losing the support of his loyal fan base.  For this we say, “thank you” Dustin.  You hold our hearts in your palm once again…be gentle. 

Since the closing of the Crown Street thrift shop, Salvation Army, Yale students have been struggling to show their undying support for the 2013 Spring Fling headliner, Macklemore.  Many students have turned to the “Macklemore-cut” as a sign of solidarity with the Grammy winner.

Not everyone shares the same love for the Macklemore-cut with those who shaved the wing$ off of their head, however.  Recently, one of the Bullblog’s own sat between the white walls of the Pierson dining hall and proclaimed, “I hate that haircut more than anything,” as floods of students with the popular chop dined in the surrounding area.

While the now common hairdo has been a point of contention in the Yale community, many students have urged those preaching hate to progress, march on.

This is the first of a weekly piece called Where in the World is…?  These pieces serve to inform the public where the stars of yore, whether they are celebrities (Yale or not), politicians, or people who got famous for no reason, are today.  This week we will be writing about Jodie Sweetin aka Stephanie Tanner from Full House.

We all know Jodie Sweetin as the lovable/annoying Stephanie Tanner from the hit TV show Full House.  Since leaving the house, Sweetin decided to take up some new hobbies like writing and doing meth, cocaine, and ecstasy.

The last name Sweetin really lends itself well to writing a dope autobiography about a good girl gone bad entitled, UnSweetined.  So Jodie did just that; she’s not an idiot.  Lil Steph would have been selling herself and her ancestors short if she didn’t hit rock bottom in order to capitalize on the multifunctional nature of her last name (another function would be a great pornstar name).

I don’t know why Sweetin had to wait until leaving Full House to start doing meth.  A meth habit would have been a much better and more realistic quirk than carrying around a teddy bear.  Its not like you can’t balance a hard drug habit and a full time job at the same time, just ask Rob Ford.

Everybody loves that friend who posts instagrams of everything he or she eats.  It’s just an undeniable fact.  So, out of complete selfishness, I have decided to compile a list of the best food instas around New Haven. Go ahead and take me to a meal so you can instagram me eating the following:

Cinnamon Roll Pancakes at the Pantry

If people ate as many CRPs as they insta’d, we would have a national cinnamon shortage crisis.  Stop lying, we know that you just order one for the table and get four pics out of it.

Yale Waffles

A favorite of people who don’t go to Yale, so keep on posting them.

Maison Mathis Waffle

Lemme guess? You think that because you are doing the reading for your American Lit class that you get to “treat yo self” with a waffle and extra whip cream. Well ordering the waffle isn’t very “Counter Culture” of you anyway.

Sushi on Chapel Sushi/Sashimi Plate

If you’re gonna instagram this shit, at least be a bro and send me a snap of you doing a sake bomb first.

Granola/Yogurt Parfait

This is like the training wheels of foodstagramming.

Just to shake things up, once in a while you foodstagramers should sacrifice your classic still life for an action shot of you inhaling it. Or at least put that day’s YDN in the shot so we know that you aren’t pulling a fast one on us.

…also he probably killed a guy.

Many shops in New Haven are now allowing dogs inside of their establishments. Let’s be honest, it was only a matter of time until L’Occitane lost enough business from canine customers that it could no longer turn away such a large demographic of shoppers.

While many organizations including the Canine Advocates of Connecticut and the Baha Men have voiced their support of the recent movement, other active groups in the community, such as the feline population of New Haven and people who like to steal unattended dogs that are tied up to lamp posts, think that this is just a feeble attempt to win over voters before the midterm elections.

It could be that you realized over the long summer that you don’t like your “friends” anymore. It could be that they just latched onto you at one point during lunch in Commons and never let go.  Even I still have some kid hiding from his DS professors living under my bed.  Whatever the case, you probably have “friends” here at Yale (most likely breathing over your shoulder as you read this) that you would prefer to be more like “acquaintances” with.

I have put together a list of possible tactics to help any student save face while shopping for other friends.  After all you don’t want to be the person who just tells someone point blank that you don’t like them.

1) Tell them that you’re allergic to their shampoo.

This doesn’t really mean anything but trust me, they will apologize and go on their merry way.

2) Tell them that you’re transferring universities, but actually just switch into TD (they’ll never find you).

You could also just tell them that you’re transferring to TD and they will drop you faster than you can say TDheav.

3) Rush an a cappella group and invite them to all of your shows.

I’ve felt the sweet burn of tactic #3 first hand.

If all else fails…

4) Tell them point blank that you don’t like them.

What are they gonna do? Say no?

Don’t feel bad about trying to meet new people, kids, everyone deserves a shopping period for friends.

In an attempt to appeal to the young whippersnappers of today, the folks at Mickey-D’s have given Ronald McDonald a new makeover and twitter account.  I for one am unimpressed with this feeble attempt at a rebranding.

For starters, this generation is very well trained when it comes to recognizing kidnappers, so perhaps having a clown try to lure kids into his establishment by giving them toys and ice cream is not the best business strategy.  Perhaps it’s just me, but I don’t really think that the creepy clown aesthetic is helping anyone.

In regards to clothing, Mr. McDonald will be sporting cargo pants and a vest because nothing says, “I’m hip!” like wearing cargo pants and a vest.  As far as the social networking side goes, I must also say that I am unimpressed given that my grandma got a twitter three months ago.

Although I don’t agree with all of Ronny McDonny’s principles, I think that we can continue to coexist; that is until he sends me a snapchat.

Chelsea Clinton announced today that she is expecting her first child.  According to the ultrasound, the baby is healthy and wearing a tight-fitting green pantsuit.

The fetus is currently second in the polls for the 2016 election behind his/her Grandmother and has been named Time’s 2014 Person of the Year.

Former President Bill Clinton told the press that he could not be more excited to have a grandchild to watch grow up and to play blocks with.

Earlier this week, 22-time Olympic medalist Michael Phelps unretired in time to compete in the 2016 Rio Olympics.  I found this piece of news to be particularly interesting because I did not know that Phelps had retired in the first place.

Splashing around in the pool and listening to Ryan Lochte offer his views on bubbles once every four years is the least Phelps can do to justify his shameless attempts to sell me five dollar footlongs.  Rumors are that Phelps has only decided to return to swimming because he was unable to find clothes that would fit his abnormally shaped torso.

The Bullblog reached out to Ryan Lochte for his opinion on his rival’s return, but his mom said that he was in the backyard playing with worms.  Here’s hoping that she lets him down easy!