Halloweekend is over. Now we can finally focus on the true meaning of Halloween…making people give you treats or making them feel the wrath of your tricks (the choice is theirs). I’ve decided to review some of the candies that you might come across while trick or treating this Halloween.

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups—Jackhammer.

Skittles—GTFO, these were never good. Stop acting life they are.

Laffy Taffy—PEOPLE WHO LIKE LAFFY TAFFY ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED

Twix—See Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

Mounds—I’d like to meet the fool that is keeping Mounds in business and give him a knuckle sandwich.

Kit Kat—Kit Kats are the Candy equivalent of the kid who drinks whole milk at lunch. Stay away.

Candy Corn—The only real “Halloween Candy”. All of the other candies listed are just regular year-round candies trying to step on Candy Corn’s swag. Also, why is it cool all of a sudden to hate on Candy Corn. This is like what happened to Anne Hathaway. But hey, last time I checked Devil Wears Prada is still as relevant as ever. Tucci!

Let’s be honest, Donald Trump all but has this primary in the bag.  Now is the time when he finally gets to choose his little running mate.  Word on the street is that Trump has been secretly taking all of his potential running mates on froyo dates to see if there is any kind of spark between them.  Today the Washington Post gave their guesses as to who would be joining the Don.  We here at the Bullblog found these choices to be far too predictable for a man who has made a career based on unpredictability so we decided to compile our own list.  Here goes:

1.  The guy with frosted tips from One Direction.

-Let’s be honest of all the guys in this fuego boy band, the guy with frosted tips is definitely the biggest winner of them all.  Trump likes winners.  It just makes sense.

2.  John Kasich

-Kasich started his campaign by trying to beat out Jeb! for most boring old guy.  Since Jeb! dropped out, Kasich has set his sights on Trump and the title of most misogynistic old guy.  He may not be able to beat Trump at this game but you know what they say…”if you can’t beat em, join em.”  Trump/Kasich 2016!

3.  James Franco

-It’s only a matter of time until Franco throws his hat into the political ring.  J-Frank is a guy who likes to shake things up which is why he’d probably join the GOP, going against the tradition of Hollywood’s love for democrats.  The only thing keeping this from happening is that DT recently declared that he “loves the poorly educated.”  This could spell trouble for Franco who is currently the most educated man in America.

4. Minions

-Time to get real.  If The Don does end up riding this election all the way to November, he’s not going to do it with some human.  No, Trump is going to forgo the normal human VP choice in favor of a whole bunch ‘a minions.  Good luck Hillary.

People often say to me, “Hey Cal, do you ever wonder how you’re going to die?” Seriously, if I had a penny for every time that someone asked me this I would have an annoying amount of pennies jingling around in my pocket. The truth is I don’t wonder how I’m going to die. I already know. I will be crushed to death by a falling chandelier in Starr.

It will take men with winches (winchmen?) to free my body from the wreckage. Eventually I will be carried out the front door of Sterling Memorial Library in a body bag. Before the winchmen reach the door they will unzip my body bag to prove that my death isn’t an elaborate set up to help them steal library books.

Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris have called it quits after roughly seven glorious months.  Reports blame the split on Harris’ recent visit to a thai massage parlor.  However, sources close to the Bullblog report that Swift has been cheating on Harris with the CS50 DJ.

Bulldog days 2015 is upon us and that means one thing, a lot of events with weird names. I’m looking forward to rolling through “Reflections on the Admissions Cycle for Parents” tomorrow at 11:30 AM.

Last year a prefrosh fainted after her father asked an admissions officer how she could get ahead in the society rush process…it was awesome.

Shortly after opening remarks by the head of admissions, the parents will dance as a group to “Shower” by Becky G to relieve the tension that has built up over the college application process.

Zayn Malik, 22, is now a former member of the band One Direction; this confirmed by his pithy Wikipedia page.  Malik’s departure from the group of sultry studs came after he decided that he could no longer suppress his desire to live a “normal 22-year-old life.”[1]

Malik attended Lower Fields Primary School and is apparently “a heavy cigarette smoker.”  He supports the “football” club Manchester United; this now being the only common bond that he and former band mate Harry Styles share.[2]

Malik, now unemployed, hopes to spend the coming months doing things that will look good on a resume and Wikipedia page.

He is survived by Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Syles, Louis Tomlinson of One Direction and his really short Wikipedia page.

1.  Zayn Malik’s really short Wikipedia page

2.  Ibid.

1. See Barry Gibb’s grave

This guy is awesome!  He discovered some big science thing and still had time to be a super cool rock star on the side.  Best of all, his eternal resting place is the Grove Street Cemetery!

2. Touch the pen that Lincoln used to sign the Declaration of Independence

I know what you’re thinking; “Abe Lincoln went to Yale before signing the Declaration of Independence?” Yep!  He was even nice enough to leave us with this little treasure.  Stay away Nick Cage!!

3. Study in the Ellen B Room

Located right inside of Sterling Memorial library, students can simply waltz right into this cozy study spot and get to work.  Ellen B was one cool cat!

4. Get some sweets at Durfee’s Sweet Shop

They call this place “the Dylan’s Candy Bar of the East”.  Take one step inside and you’ll see why!

5. Spend a rainy afternoon in Beinecke and feast your eyes on the Glutenberg Bible

The gluten intolerant should head over to Bass Cafe for a nice cup of joe while they wait for their friends to sneak a peek this famous artifact.  Make sure to skip the delicious pastries though!

THUNDER CATS ARE GO!!!

Unless you want to eat a “meal-pack” tomorrow, I suggest that you get to Gheav (or TDheav) stat.

Singer/Songwriter Andy Dwyer (Mouse Rat, Scarecrow Boat, Tackleshaft, Mouse Rat) was apprehended by the Yale Police Department early Wednesday morning for trespassing on Yale property.  Dwyer was found sleeping in the pit that will soon be home to Yale’s two new Residential Colleges.

The BullBlog reached out to Dwyer after his arrest and found him to be more than willing to talk about the recent events.  The Pawnee-based singer was in town for a gig at Lilly’s Pad when he first heard about the construction site.  Disheartened after a brutal Indianapolis Colts loss, Dwyer decided to take some time away from home and put down his roots right here in the Elm City.

No word yet on whether Dwyer, a freelance possum tackler by day, was actually hired by the University to reduce the possum count on campus (a la Squirrelgate 2013).