In a landmark, 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court officially pronounced Al Gore (D-The Environment) dead.

The Bullblog wants to remind you to divest from the YDN.

The Bullblog gives a hearty congratulations to Isabel Beshar ’14, Vinay Nayak ’14, and Suzanna Fritzberg ’14 for each winning a prestigious Rhodes Scholarship.

Beshar is double majoring in MCDB and HSHM but doesn’t ever DGAF because she’s BUSY with being the president of the Public Health Coalition (which ironically hosts events that are entirely desserts — literally who let that happen?). She’ll be studying Medical Anthropology when she gets across the pond. So much #PPL!

Nayak, like Yale’s football team at The Game yesterday, is majoring in Political Science, and that’s not even the only thing they have in common (too soon?). He is very good at talking and he always tips 20 percent. He worked on the Obama campaign and then in the White Hou$e. According to his (now defunct but no less bizzare) blog-resume, he is a man of conviction and believes in being politically involved. Perhaps most importantly, he caught the eye of Business Insider along with the rest of my Cold War section.

Fritzberg is a WGSS major studying social justice. She participated in the Liman Fellowship where she interned with the Roosevelt Institute and the New Orleans public defender’s office. She was a barista in Washington, where she hails from. She is a sucker for anything peach, which is great because sour peach rings are The Bullblog’s fave. Not only that, but she does Dramat stuff and SNAP PAC stuff, too!

See you at Toad’s when they are hosted at the inaugural “All Rhodes lead to Toad’s” — event date forthcoming.

It’s flu season, so everyone’s tryna not get viral, except for CPSC 183: Law, Technology and Culture. The class, taught by Internet-Troll-in-Residence Brad Rosen, was tasked with creating a viral video as the final project, so they went with “Brave” by Sara Bareilles.  This will be the fuzziest you’ve felt on the inside since “That’s Why I Chose Yale,” and it has just as many tour guides in it. Also they even bought a domain name (yaleisbrave.com), so share with Grandma so she sees this before it’s on Good Morning America!

The Bullblog is on Facebook: Like us for the halibut.

Do you like hugs? Do you like bubble baths? Do you like to have fun? Do you like chicken tenders?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, please call me. If you answered yes to that last one in particular, though, then I have a surprise for you: there will be chicken tenders in the Slifka Dining hall tonight. Does anyone else remember that Curb episode about that chicken restaurant? Me neither. This is the most excited I’ve been for dinner since I had Chinese food at Christmas last year. Any day with chicken tenders is a day worth celebrating. As the Black Eyed Peas once said, “Mazel tov!”

Biz shpeter, betches! I’ll be by the sweet-and-sour sauce.

Early-rising voters spotted broken yard signs and trashed flyers supporting Alder Sarah Eidelson’s campaign on the morning of Nov. 5. Paul Chandler (R-CT) and his 17 apostles didn’t even have the decency to recycle them — what would Jesus (R-OH) and his 12 have done? There is literally a tree on the Chandler campaign logo — can we count this as a flip-flop?

Don’t forget to vote!

To the unrefined human being, it may not matter that Halloween is on a Thursday this year, but if you even matter a little bit you would know that this means it’s time to ask mom to pull out and dust off the old photo album titled “Jeremy October 1999″ because #tb motherfucking t to that adorable ass Scooby Doo costume where the face is basically coming out Scooby’s mouth.

What filt are you gonna use for your Halloween-as-a-one- or two- or thirteen-year-old insta? Use “Valencia” if you were a Cheetah Girl 2 (the one where the Cheetahs do Spain…IceBarcelona soon?) in 4th grade. Use “Kelvin” if you were a scientist because those are the only people that use Kelvin ever (you have successfully relinquished your Sc credit if you got this joke!).  Use “1977″ if you were a “hippy,” because, like Cheetah Girls, that’s so fucking Raven.

Use fall break wisely—go into your attic and find that snap of you in a lobster costume because that shit is going to get SO many likes. Don’t be that person that throws it back sans the #trickortreat accompaniment.  Like, T-O-T and T-B-T on the same day…woah. I love when holidays like these combine. And you can bet your goddam candy corn that I’m going to lose my shit when this Hannukah/Thanksgiving mixer comes around.

Our peer publication and the source of our tagline, the New York Times, is asking readers to give their first illicit reading experience for a special “sex” edition of the New York Times Book Review. The Bullblog officially endorses The Giving Tree as our first literary sexual encounter for obvious reasons.

First, the book is literally about someone getting wood, which is a literary motif that has stood the test of time. Ella Wood: if you’re still running for Ward 7 alder, “We’ve got Wood” needs to be your campaign slogan—no exchange of material encapsulates so many emotions. I don’t need a thermometer to know that this book is the hottest shit I’ve ever read.

The story is fraught with imagery of physical interaction between our main characters, a boy and a tree—swinging from branches, climbing up “her trunk” (and its implied junk)—this was my first foray into foreplay. “The boy loved the tree very much and the tree was happy” (Silverstein 8).  Meanwhile, five-year-old me was confused, but also very into it.

And then comes the whispering and teasing: “‘Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy’” (Silverstein 15). Ugh. I cannot. And he does not—he just makes like a tree and leaves, leaving her frustrated.

Silverstein employs some freaky-ass stuff that was very formative for both myself and Rihanna in her song “S&M”: after complaining that he needs to build a house, “the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his house. And the tree was happy.” What the FUCK. But also, that is so hot! This book should be required reading for WIPS (and also maybe the Environmental Studies major).

The end of the book culminates with the man sitting on the tree. This review writes itself.

This book always gets me hot, bothered, and turn’t (in that order) and if you don’t think it deserves to be in this NYTBR issue then you need to either read it or see a psychoanalyst because I started writing this post fully clothed in Panera Bread but now I am not fully clothed in the Vandy courtyard. And you best believe this boy was happy!

Tonight at 8, there will be a Master’s Tea with legendary Yale Football coach Tony Reno and members of the Yale Football team.  It’s supposed to be very informational which is great because I don’t even follow sports.  How many runs will they get this season?  In which periods will their power-plays be most vital?  The Game—people love talking about it—what is it really, though?  I will never know because of pre-Game events (lol…pregame).

Find out and get to JE fast, so that Yale Football can win the Tyng again or whatever!

After multiple incidents of tomfoolery, the administration at Grand Valley State University removed a pendulous silver ball from campus that students were riding in imitation of Miley Cyrus’s new music video for “Wrecking Ball.” A Vine of the incident can be seen here:

Basically these students are funny as fuck, and it is the moral obligation of the Yale student body to do this, too! Here are some suggestions for possible music video parodies.

Library security guards would be totes into doing a Lady Gaga “Telephone” parody.

Dancing in the Women’s Table is the same exact thing as Beyoncé dancing in an oversized champagne glass in “Naughty Girl.”

It’s common knowledge that “We Can’t Stop” was filmed in the PWG pools, the Oxford, and (as seen here) the top of East Rock.

After breaking the news that Tyco was going to start printing 3D objects, The Bullblog has acquired the first 3D printed object from the New Haven printing store.  The item in question is a 920-page course packet for “Media and Medicine in Modern America,” a gem of the American Studies department.  Because it is like, three inches thick, scientists confirmed that it does indeed have three dimensions.  It costs 340 times as much as the quarter it is pictured with.

The future is finally here.  Keep following The Bullblog for the most recent developments on Tyco’s innovation.