Morning
Life for college students in 2025 could not be easier!
Breakfast is essential to power through all those study sessions. If I go to the grocery store, I can get a dozen eggs for a price 92% less than last year just as the president claimed!
It is so nice to finally live in a country where simple, hardworking students like me can live the American dream again.
Wait, why is there no money left in my bank account? Egg prices for consumers haven’t dropped that much, and the president repeatedly misrepresented them to the public? That’s strange. President Donald Trump seemed so confident when saying prices were way down.
At least avocados will probably not be tariffed, so I can finally try that avocado toast everyone from older generations thinks we eat!
Although who knows what will happen on that front, with tariffs being added, postponed and threatened on some of the United States’ biggest trading partners.
There are other ways to get fresh food, though! The Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program is a fantastic resource for struggling individuals and families to help make ends meet and buy the groceries they need.
Whoops, I forgot the recent budget bill cut $186 billion in funding for SNAP, adding stricter work and eligibility requirements. Is this so students won’t eat in class as much?
That may sound bad, but it’ll be fine! Only more than 450,000 Minnesotans rely on SNAP for their groceries, and I’m sure they can figure out another way to afford food. That should be easy in this economy, right?
But who needs fresh produce and manufactured goods anyway? I can just stock up on instant noodles and wait to buy that new laptop and microwave I need for the fall semester until the big wave of trade deals the president promised takes effect.
After all, two and a half trade deals out of 90 isn’t the worst record! We’ve all gotten 3% on a final exam before, right?
Afternoon
With the time I saved by not shopping or eating, I might as well make my tuition payments. Those are always expensive, so there surely cannot be any surprises this time.
At least that would be the case if the University of Minnesota Board of Regents hadn’t just approved a budget increasing tuition by 6.5% for in-state students in the University’s largest tuition hike in over a decade.
University of Minnesota President Rebecca Cunningham said the University faced unprecedented challenges due to the $40 million in funding cuts from the federal government, leading to the need for tuition increases more painful than the stomachache you get after the University’s lettuce-eating competition.
OK, that is a setback, but it’s far from the end of the world. After all, there are still plenty of scholarships and student aid grants I can use to make ends meet.
The trusty federal Pell Grant helps over a third of first-time, full-time undergraduate students afford the college lifestyle. Thanks to Trump, this program is alive and being further limited by new restrictions passed with the final Big, Beautiful Bill budget package.
But hey, at least the restrictions weren’t as bad as the original cuts planned in the House Republicans’ version of the bill! They sure improved it fast, like a rough draft of an essay you’ve procrastinated on until the last minute.
If worst comes to worst, I can always fall back on student loans for a while until I can get back on my feet. Plenty of college students do it and end up paying them off after only a few years of crippling debt, so what’s the harm in it?
But the recently passed budget package also included limits on student loan borrowing, the elimination of various payment plans and restrictions on loans for graduate students and parents of college students. Without student debt, can you even say you went to college?
Forget being productive! I should stop worrying about my financial situation and just go hang out with my friends!
Evening
College isn’t just about setting yourself up to be financially successful, it’s about building bonds you will take with you for the rest of your life.
As such, we should all just turn off the news and work on forming relationships with our fellow students, who truly understand what we are going through! I met so many new friends from all over the world in just my first year of college. It will be so nice to see them again this fall!
But wait, there is a forecasted decrease in international students coming to the U.S. after the federal government arbitrarily cancelled the visas of more than 1,500 students. I thought the only arbitrary authorities I would have to deal with would be strict professors!
Although many of those visa cancellations were rescinded, international students here are left wondering if they should stay in the U.S. after the Trump administration deleted thousands of student records and expanded the reasons for why international students may be deported.
If I can’t get groceries, pay my tuition or meet up with my friends, is there anything left to do except my homework? What is going on?
I did everything the successful people told me to do. I went to college, stopped buying extra consumer goods like the 30 dolls and 250 pencils I didn’t need and I rarely watch the mainstream news anymore.
Why does life still feel absolutely miserable and not like the utopia Trump and his supporters promised us after Inauguration Day?
I shouldn’t talk like that. The mainstream media wants us to be scared and angry because they’ll get more views, so everything I see and hear is probably just played up for attention. At this point, I should switch exclusively to TikTok, a far more reliable and unbiased source of news.
I should just smile and go about what is left of my day.
After all, it can’t get any worse, right?
Right?
Let’s just go to sleep. Tomorrow will be better, I guarantee it!