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Grease Live
Boyfriends around campus perked up when they heard their significant others say something about a “hand jive tonight.” Turns out, FOX brought back the all-American musical that your mom keeps hinting brought about her sexual awakening! The show featured all of our favorite, timeless moments: from Danny’s buds asking if Sandy “put up a fight” before she put out to that heartwarming message about love being all about compromising your values. And also putting out! Granted, some scenes didn’t age as well. For instance, Sandy almost breaks up with Danny for touching her boob. This certainly dates the musical, considering today a boob-graze is just Soads for “hello.” Things have changed since the 1950’s, after all. Young women no longer feel pressured to dress up in particular outfits and turn into someone they’re not for external validation. Wait a second…
Greek Life
Ah, Yale Greek Life. What can sometimes be a lively part of campus culture often just feels like an awkward attempt to jam a TI-84 into a Vineyard Vines case. We’re not fooling anyone, folks. We’re all just a bunch of fucking calculators. But once a year, freshmen and sophomores scramble for a chance to show the world that they’ve tried beer and they liked it. Greek Life has some major plusses. Many fraternities and sororities are involved in philanthropy work, including improving literacy rates around the world. Why’d you think they were holding up such giant letters? Even more, getting in can provide some lifelong friendships, or at least an internship connection from that pledge’s aunt who once saw Julia Louis-Dreyfus at a bar. More recently, Greek organizations have inundated us with some pretty phrustrating puns and hand signs that range from feigning the biting of one’s own finger to… Holy shit. Is that a real butterfly? But when it comes down to it, what’s the big deal? After all, you can’t judge the occasional toga-wearing classmates of ours without going back to the roots of the system. Bringing us to…
Life in Greece
Come one, come all! Experience the white sands and marble buildings that comprise the great land of—What? I see. But what exactly do you mean by “migration crisis?” Greece’s immigration policies have recently gotten the country into some trouble with its European pals. The EU is threatening to cut Greece out of the Schengen Area, which isn’t just akin to being disinvited from the party, but more like being banned from going from party to party from here on out. Think a kid who’s under 21 in Las Vegas, or a five-out-of-ten on High Street. To top this off, Greece was just rated highest out of all the EU countries on the misery index. Basically, Greece is like the rest of the European countries’ middle school-aged brother. He keeps mentioning the Pythagorean theorem like it’s going to make up for what a little shit he’s really being
– Rebecca Shaw and Ben Kronengold
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