We’ve all been there: sorority rush 2016. We’ve always been looking forward to this. Opportunities to join such life-changing coalitions as these come around only some number of times in a lifetime. But here’s the big reveal, gals: which is best? Here on campus, all the sororities will tell you firsthand that they are the best. Here’s what they won’t tell you.

First, they can’t all be best. It’s one of the 5 principles that the pan-helenic council lives and strives by. The other four are:

2. Sisterhood is Forever
3. When You’re Here, You’re Family
4. Don’t Be Afraid to Squat to Get in the Shot
5. Claire’s Is Your Dining Hall Now

Now for what we’ve all been waiting for, ever since young: how to get the Bid of your most wild dreams in just three steps.

1. Be yourself!
2. Tailor your Self to fit the following personality rubric:

funny
flirty
charming
well-rounded but you have a “thing”
named Denise
likes tennis
surname Wiltshire
dance
signs emails: Best, Denise
dry handshake

3. BELIEVE.
4. Best sorority goes to Alpha Phi.