I have something that I want to say to all of the people who do not identify as men. It is my personal belief that you all dearly need to stop apologizing so much. Not for bumping someone in the hallway, but for being alive, as it sometimes feels. The people of this world that fill the air around them with apologies can certainly make the space they inhabit seem more pleasant. But I am worried about how they feel, and what makes them feel that every step is potentially wrong. I have encountered too many individuals in the past couple weeks who have been apologizing for doing their job, asking for something, needing help or just flat out making statements.

I know that this won’t be easy to do. Women and non-males have been trained and encouraged to apologize for doing things men don’t like or disagree with. The thing is, apology is not a built-in requirement of a gender, expression or anatomy. It’s all sorts of built-up, learned behavior from years of being conditioned to appease masculinity, and maintaining this invisible status quo of what it means to be a “lady” or “feminine” or “polite” or “responsible” or “classy” or whatever label the patriarchy machine wants to slap on it.

Here’s the thing: You don’t need to apologize for existing, for being yourself, for doing things that make you happy,or making really stupid choices just because it’s fun. You do not need to apologize for expressing emotion, for eating something, for not eating something, or for expressing your opinion. You do not need to apologize for your weight, for working out, for choosing yourself, for being angry, for being sad or for being happy. You do not need to apologize for having sex, for not having sex, for who you are or are not attracted to, for wanting children or not wanting children, for pursuing an education or not pursuing one, for spending your money … for being honest.

I am going to emphasize the importance in my use of the word “need” in all of this. I strongly believe and do my best to stand by the concept of choice within feminism. Because of that belief, I will also be sure to state that if you want to apologize all the time, by all means, please do. Apologize for whatever you want to, but realize that nobody should be making you feel like that’s what you should be doing.

Apologizing is not inherently wrong and is most certainly warranted in many situations. But I don’t think it is necessary when it comes to identity, choices and living on this planet. I also don’t think that’s too much to ask that women, females and feminine people are faced with this struggle daily, usually unknowingly, and that they be allowed to ease themselves from this behavior. What we as humans are able to control is the actual act that replaces the apology — and a very radical act at that. So I will encourage defiance, criticism, complaining, refusals and repudiation. Challenge the notion that apologies are the only way to be accepted by others.

If you feel the need to apologize for something that you feel is necessary to your life, it might be time to step back, look at the situation and take a moment to think about what is making you feel that way.