Being a transfer student is honestly a sweet set-up, and one that so few people take full advantage of. Sure, you have to face the crushing loneliness of uprooting yourself halfway through college, leaving behind those who have defined you thus far, and losing everything you once took for granted, including the hollow promise of human fulfillment and any chance at love.

But, if you get past that, it’s SICK! I get away with everything at Yale! three weeks in, and I’m still pulling the transfer card on the reg. As soon as I’m like “oh sorry i’m a transfer student”

1. I’m automatically exempted from whatever annoying thing I was supposed to do
2. people leave me alone because they assume i have a dark past and baggage and are paralyzed by fear that they could be the tipping point in causing me to spontaneously combust
3. Freshmen don’t want to sit with me at the Davenport Freshman Dinner so I get extra rolls. Yum!

To help you understand how beneficial the transfer life really can be, I designed this infographic to illustrate just a sample of the situations I can wiggle my way out of simply by saying I’m a transfer student. There are so many things I wouldn’t be doing anyway, but now that I’m a pariah-ass transfer, I can not do them for a reason! I just look people in the eyes, wave my transfer card, and mask my true and often malignant motivations. Boola boola!