This is my ode to turtlenecks. Give me cashmere. Give me chunky knits. Give me cowl necks. I want to be like Leonardo DiCaprio in that scene from The Great Gatsby where he gloats about his hundreds of Italian shirts, merrily throwing them off the shelves and into the air in slow motion. I want to collect all the turtlenecks ever.

Once only acceptable to wear if you were a woman over 40 with a turkey neck, I’ve been waiting years, perhaps decades, perhaps since I was a zygote, for turtlenecks to be cool again. It’s like wearing a nice neck massage. It’s like a slice of your grandma’s apple pie. It’s like a lover’s embrace. Turtlenecks transcend the identity of mere “sweater.” Rather, “turtleneck” should be an emotion. How am I feeling today? Turtleneck.

After its youthful heyday in the seventies, the turtleneck is back, and like a fine wine it has gotten better with age. It’s even sexy on boys. Ugh, boys in turtlenecks. Think I’m getting hot just imagining it…or maybe it’s my turtleneck keeping me warm ;).