As a fan of sport movies, I often wonder what it would be like to take the field with some of the best fictional athletes in history. Here is my highly-touted, highly-debatable list of the greatest fictional athletes you’d want on your team.
10. Forrest Gump, “Forrest Gump”:Somehow in between serving his country in Vietnam and unintentionally exposing the Watergate scandal, Gump had time to become a top-tier two-sport athlete in ping pong and football. Gump started at tailback for the University of Alabama under Bear Bryant and was named an All-American before competing against Chinese teams on a goodwill tour for the U.S. Army in ping-pong.
9. Happy Gilmore, “Happy Gilmore”:Hot-headed and streaky, you would most likely want him as your gold partner — unless you are Bob Barker. He is a driving powerhouse, making up for his come-and-go putting. He also had some world-class training at the wooden hands of Chubbs Peterson.
8. Air Bud: Looking past the fact that he is a golden retriever, Air Bud can suit up wherever you need him. He has started as a wide receiver, striker, point guard, volleyball star and baseball slugger. They’ll be petting him one minute and wondering how they got beat the next.
7. Ricky Vaughn, “Major League”:He may be erratic and unpredictable but when he’s on, he’s on. Batters will have trouble standing in the batter’s box when even Vaughn doesn’t know where the pitch will be going.
6. Roy Hobbs, “The Natural”: He may be old, but even a bullet couldn’t stop this guy from being a difference-maker in the MLB. When a guy can knock out stadium lighting with a moonshot of a home run, you want him hitting cleanup.
5. Dottie Hinson, “A League of Their Own”: She’s experienced and level-headed, bringing a sense of calm to you squad. She also calls a solid game behind the plate and isn’t afraid to slide even when she’s wearing an unreasonably short skirt.
4. Crash Davis, “Bull Durham”:He is very similar to Dottie Hinson in his experience and demeanor. He may have never gotten out of the minor leagues, but he does hold the minor league all-time record for home runs and is a wily veteran in terms of getting in opponents heads. He also has a long list of the things he believes in.
3. Lola Bunny, “Space Jam”:While the obvious choices may be Bill Murray or Bugs, Lola was a difference-maker on the court. Her quickness makes up for her diminutive three-foot frame and she is used to playing on the big stage from that time she helped save the world from the MonStars. Just don’t call her “doll.”
2. Apollo Creed, “Rocky”:An American through and through, there’s no way that Rocky could have beaten Clubber Lang or Ivan Drago without Creed’s training and inspiration. A former heavyweight champion of the world, you couldn’t really have him on your team but you sure wouldn’t want him in the other corner.
1. Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez, “The Sandlot”:The word “dedication” gets thrown around a lot in sports. But for an 11-year-old to play baseball every summer day he can, that’s dedication. The lengths that Benny goes to retrieve an old baseball signed by Babe Ruth shows his dedication and love for the game. A leader through and through, I would take this Dodger on my team any day.
Honorable mentions: Ricky Bobby, “Talladega Nights”, Rocky Balboa “Rocky”, Coffee Black “Semi-Pro”, Julian Washington “Any Given Sunday”.