The other day I was looking at the Yale Student Employment Office website since I can never refuse the prospect of a good over-the-pants-campus-job (on a related note, I thought it was pronounced “federal work-slutty program” until my second semester sophomore year). On my quest to make more coin, something caught my eye: Yale is looking to hire student rush coaches in preparation for Winter’s sorority rush.

“What’s a rush coach?” I don’t know either because I got bids from all three sororities without a rush coach, but apparently in the South young women will hire older women to coach them through the rush process just like the hundred kids roaming around this campus who were the proteges of one Michele Hernandez. This phenomenon is finally making its way past the Mason-Disick Line and into Northern territory (insert joke about a Connecticut Yankee or whatever that book is called). My best guess is that such a regimen might include some serious outfit planning, how to make the perfect tower of Fro-Yo (*while wearing heels*), some conversation points that will really make you stand out during the #process, and flashcards of every athlete to get ready for mixers.

Applicants sought will be in one of Yale’s three amazing sororities, be “super super” personable, and have a penchant for Pan-Hellenism (knowing Ancient or Modern Greek is a plus!). All majors may apply, but don’t be so quick if you’re an English major. The only Pulitzer I care about is named Lilly.

xoxoxo c u girls in jan can w8 2 meet u!