Quackd essay: ‘Ignorance is Blissless’

Originally Posted on Emerald Media via UWIRE

By Cailin Wolff

I won homecoming queen. I spoke at my high school graduation. I attend an incredible university. But none of that means a thing because in actuality I don’t know jack shit. This essay is the first in a never-ending installment of events where I realize I am 95 percent unaware of the affairs of the world. These are experiences that grab me by the shoulders/throat/ponytail and shake me rapidly/choke me wholeheartedly/yank me zealously. They taunt me for how little I know and cackle as I face palm.

Months ago I attended a memorial service for a classmate who passed away following a head injury. His family moved from Uzbekistan to Walnut Creek, Calif., just two years before the accident. I didn’t have the chance to get to know him, so I attended the memorial in hopes of learning about his life.

The memorial took place at a mosque a few towns over, alongside a busy street I drove down every time I went to Water World as a child (and as an adult). I had never been to a mosque nor did I know a thing about Islamic practices. I wore the dress I own specifically for funerals with tights underneath, just in case. As my friend and I drove past the mosque, I saw a group of men standing in the parking lot waiting for the service to begin. It looked fairly casual, so I chose to take off the tights, not wanting to look unfashionable. Because a thing like that matters when grieving.

I stood in the parking lot with the men until a woman approached me and asked me to follow her. I entered the side of the mosque for women. I did not know that was a thing. I was asked to take off my shoes. I did not know that was a thing, either.

Next a young woman politely requested I change because what I was wearing was inappropriate. She handed me a stack of bed sheets, which I put on as quickly as I could to cover up my blushing face and unsuitable outfit. When I say bed sheets, I’m not being a fashion snob.

I’m no Mugatu (“Zoolander” reference. That’s the knowledge I do have). The light pink floral sheets had been sewn into an abaya, covering me from head to toe with just a slit to see out of. Out of this slit, I looked at all the other women in headscarves made with elegant fabrics. Children laughed at me and some of the older women cracked a smile. The only other time I’ve felt so out of place is when I showed up to a frat two hours before the actual party and had to participate in brotherhood activities.

That day was the first time I heard the Quran. (You know, that religious book 1.6 billion people read.) I saw the side of Islam that is rarely shown in media-loving families, an accepting community and dank food. I met students in the English Language Development program at my school. Although this experience was valuable, it was not one hundredth as valuable as the life of my classmate.

I left the mosque more curious than a baby who just discovered it has arms.

Fast forward to winter class registration. Cailin, how about you take politics of the Middle East? OK, is it a red flag that all of your classes are 100 level and a 399? Nah, it will be chill.

Not chill. While I did sit solo for the first few weeks, it was obvious that my classmates were primarily senior political science majors. The only times I felt more out of place were that one time I wore bed sheets to a mosque, played flip cup as an honorary frat bro and middle school.

Similar to my first trip to the mosque, this class showed me that there is constantly information waiting to be learned. You know the feeling of being behind on reading? We’re all behind on reading all of the time. I suppose this is the “call to action” part of my essay.

Appreciate the complexity of the world and learn cool shit about it. What is colony collapse syndrome? Is Guantanamo Bay like Chesapeake Bay? Is Frogg ok? Research, bitch (“Breaking Bad” reference. Remember, I do know some things).

Shout out to Professor Malekafzali. Don’t think I’m writing this to get a higher grade —  I already switched to Pass/No Pass (but please, please pass me). Shout out to the Internet. Although I spend too much time surfing on you, I also can keep up to date on bees and lakeside vacation spots and Eugene comedians. Lastly, shout out to those who make the conscience effort to recognize ignorance is blissless.

Cheers to learning.

Read more here: http://dailyemerald.com/2014/03/12/quackd-essay-ignorance-is-blissless-thurs-print/
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