Recently, the New York Post reported on the epidemic that has spread across the abyss of New York City elite private schools: the “rando-fest”, or the “wild party” as it is known to your great uncle Ralph.

According to the Post, the parties are dubbed “rando-fests” because students will down between four and five shots, no more and no less, and then will try to have sex with “randos” or “unattractive drunken girls.”

These little Rugrats have been known to drop some serious quiche (also known as quinoa, or cash) to get into these parties.  Apparently, the hosts of these parties can make a pretty (or an unattractive, drunken) penny on these parties.

When asked to comment, most alumni of these private schools, currently enrolled at Yale, note how things have slowed down for them socially since turning 18.  At Yale, the former-merrymakers from NYC prefer sitting by their Vanderbilt Hall fireplace while sipping a nice single malt to the rando-fests of yore. A good choice.