That’s where Accepted! 2017 comes in. It’s a collection of posts in the “Yale College Class of 2017″ Facebook group from the 17-to-18-year-old social media sloots of the world who somehow managed to get into college. Bullblog all-star Isabella already told them what not to do, so it’s their fault that they continue to embarrass themselves. In any case, here are some exclusive, never-before-seen posts for your reading pleasure (with my commentary, because guess whose commentary it is on the website):
Note: If one of these posts is yours, please come to Yale. YOU WILL THRIVE HERE. Just consider deleting the original post.
1.
“1: question: I switched a semester 2 elective course that was on my school report I sent in my application. Do I need to tell Admissions or something?
2: I heard if you switch too many classes, admissions will force you to enroll at Cornell”
It’s a running joke on Accepted! 2017 to shit on Cornell. Also, love love love how prefrosh think they should be getting admissions advice from their peers…that’s the collabor8ive spirit!
2.
“I’m heavily involved in a local charity that supports elementary education in rural China and Tibet, and I’ve taught English in Tibet for the past four summers now. I’ve also been involved in Molecular Biology research involving Diabetes for a couple of years now. I’m the captain of my school’s Cross Country and Track teams, and I’m a coach for my old elementary school’s Science Olympiad team. And I’ve more or less spent my senior year of high school as a freshman at our local university.”
Where can I get this student’s autograph doe? I’ll be first in line when he/she arrives on campus!!
3.
“My dad wanted me to go to this person’s house that’s at Princeton who has a Princeton logo thing on his house and put a Yale logo on top of it and I’m like SMH dad hahaha”
OMG did this guy just S his H at his dad? One time I L’d my O all over my dad’s B, and he threw a fit. Txt meh, pre-frosh. We’ll be BFFs.
4.
“Well I was in this percussion ensemble from 1st through 6th grades. For a group of random kids, we were quite good and got a lot of acclaim (like, when I was in 5th grade we opened for Chick Corea). She gave us a talk once. I got to meet a lot of cool people, like her, Wynton Marsalis, Victor Mendoza. They also played with Carlos Santana once but that was before I was in it. And they’ve since opened for My Morning Jacket.”
I have heard of all these celebs and they’re all my faves. But this is pretty intimidating, since I spent most of first grade in a pants-wetting ensemble. Anyway, thanks for reminding me about Santana, because I totally forgot about his duet with Michelle Branch!
5.
“I’ve accepted my Oxford offer”
Rest in pieces, weirdo, you’re dead to me!
#Yale, right?