If you’re visiting Yale for Bulldog Days and you think you want to go here, there are some things you should avoid.
First, avoid your friends from high school who go here. You’re not going to be friends with them next year because they’ve moved on. You’re going to feel like a loser all over again.
Don’t bother with the “Scavenger Hunt/Ice Breakers” activity. You didn’t get in because you’re good at scavenging. And, everyone knows Ice Breakers only keep your breath fresh for 7-8 minutes. Tops.
Pardon my French, but you’re a fart-nugget if you let your parents attend the “Student Life Panel for Parents: Who’s looking out for my student?” That’s a quick way to get yourself a helpful relationship with your Dean or Master, a bond no one will benefit from when you inevitably get way too weird during Camp Yale next fall.
I won’t tell you not to check out the “Fusion Dance Party,” because that sounds fun. I will tell you, however, to tell the person hosting you that you are Skyping with a pen-pal instead of the truth.
Don’t go to the Music Library in Sterling. It smells like eggs and everyone in there is smarter than you.
If you were thinking about going to hear Dean Miller’s Welcome Address, spoiler alert: she’s going to welcome you to Yale. That’s all she’s going to do. It’s a waste of time.
Finally, steer clear of your host’s suitemate who you got weird vibes from when you arrived and whose room smells like Devil’s Lettuce. He/she is a gateway suitemate.