I hate shopping at Walmart, and it’s just become more apparent to me that the only reason why I will shop there is if it’s my only choice because I’m working on a very important project in the middle of the night and I need some glue (last time it was a pair of earrings I was making at 3 a.m.).

If you’re high on meth and you’ve got yourself a baby that’s getting on your nerves and could be your ticket to a little more drugs, where would be the perfect, most appropriate place to try and sell said baby for the price of a beach chair … hmmmm … think, think, think … Walmart. Of course!

If you haven’t heard, a couple in California was arrested for attempting to sell their baby outside of Walmart. They knew how despicable Walmart was, and they were high on meth and horrible human beings.

You would never find someone trying to sell a baby at Target. Or if someone were selling a baby at Target, it wouldn’t be to buy something as classless as meth.
It would be to buy some super fancy bath towels that a high-end designer came up with exclusively for Target and a percentage of the sale of the baby would be donated to a very good cause.

I did a little research on these economically savvy parents, as I do on pretty much everyone I meet, and found a picture of the father with his face all swollen up from getting “beaten to a pulp” in jail when his fellow inmates found out what he was in for.

I imagine the same will happen to the mother, if not worse.

I’ve heard that women in jail have such strong maternal instincts that they make up little families in jail. Similar to how my cat Snow White used to wrestle my other cat Kissyfur to the ground to give him a bath because her kittens were taken away from her and she had to give someone a bath.

I also found a post where the mother entered the baby into a baby contest when she was a few months old. The mother’s description was: “My baby girl, Stormie, is so happy and always smiling; she’s a social butterfly and loves to play peek-a-boo. She’s gorgeous, and she knows it. She loves looking in the mirror.”

This was a mother’s description of her 3-month-old baby. I looked at a few more entries to see if all the mothers were pimps.

They were not, thank God, and wrote normal captions like, “Eating spaghetti with Daddy.”

I think maybe attempting to sell her baby was the smartest thing this woman had ever done.

She knew her child would be better off with any random stranger. There are so many people that would love this little girl. I hope she lands in a loving family’s hands.
And if her biological parents straighten up enough to get her back, I will start to shop at

Walmart and will gladly pay them the $25 when they relapse.