Hey, fellow conspiracy theorists, here’s a lead for you: Leap Days and presidential elections follow the same four-year pattern. Like fraternal twins of different heights, these two phenomena may seem unrelated, but you’ll never see them apart.* Even if you’re not a truther dead set on spending your Leap Day tracking down the lizard person responsible for this “coincidence,” there are still ways for you to take advantage of this special circumstance come Feb. 29. Me? I plan on using my Leap Day to figure out what the fudge is going on in this election.
To start, what’s a caucus? I remember googling it in 2008 and then again 2012, yet here I am in 2016 imagining a desert plant. Sure, I know it’s a vote, but what’s the reasoning behind a bunch of Iowans (no offense) getting to have a say before everyone else? I’ll look that up on Leap Day.
How about that John Kasich? He definitely seems more reasonable than his fellow Republicans. That being said, I have no clue what his views are. Will look it up on Leap Day.
What are Bernie Sanders’ chances in the general election? There has to be a person somewhere with a computer, a calculator, or some kind of chart who can give a rough guess. If the answer’s there, I’ll find it on Leap Day.
Isn’t Ted Cruz from Canada? Leap Day.
Hillary and Wall Street? Leap Day.
Rubio on immigration? Leap Day.
Replacing Scalia? Leap Day.
When do I get to finally vote in a primary or something? Leap Day. Well, not on Leap Day, but you get what I mean.
As you can tell, I’ve read most of the political headlines. I’ve just put off reading the articles. Luckily, 2016—one of those special years in which these two arbitrarily scheduled events coincide—is handing me an extra day to do the necessary research. U.S. citizens, feel free to do the same. Keep in mind if you don’t study up this time around, President Trump may have stricken leap years from American calendars come 2020.
*With the exception of every 100 years because leap years are weird; also sometimes fraternal twins aren’t together.