If you don’t go on many dates like me but want to on VDAY, here’s what you should do. Let’s assume this is a first date. High stakes. You cannot let your date know this is a date before you go. The stakes are too high. Too damn high. You’ll need to trick your date into spending a long night with you to make this spontaneous.

First thing you’ll need is a car. Tell your date you want to study at the Divinity School since you’re already in your car. Why not. Could be a quiet place. Upon picking up your date to go to Divinity School, have your steamiest tunes ready. I’m talking alternating between sexy sax and Peruvian flute with smooth R&B. Banks vs. Future. Back n forth n back n forth. It will be a ballet of emotions in the car. Make sure the heat is turned up and the sun roof is open. Hot n cold n cold n hot. They’ll know you weren’t really planning on going to the Divinity School. So where to? Why are we sweating and listening to steamy tunes?

Say something fun and fresh like “Hey, I don’t actually have that much work, do you want to do something fun and fresh? Or even dangerous? And pioneering?” They’ll know what you’re thinking, realizing there is a steamy takeout bag in the back seat, as well as a picnic table, space heaters, candles, and blankets. “Oh—That’s just some stuff I left in my car from my last camping trip with my EXXXXX. But…now that we have food and all of this equipment…want to just trespass and eat at the new colleges?” You ask, armed with knowledge from your intro psych class that your date will misattribute the extra adrenaline from trespassing to an attraction for you. Boom. Spontaneous. Dangerous. Fun. Fresh. Perfect Date. You’re welcome