CR: Hey! How was your break?

Shalom! Thanks for asking. I had a really nice break. I spent one week at home, then went to Israel and explored my Jewish heritage, consuming a destructive number of chickpeas in the form of hummus along the way, and then I spent another week at home. You know, to unwind. And also to untag myself from all the pictures where my hair is really weird from not showering enough. I feel marginally superior to you because it is an unspoken rule on campus that everybody stays home watching Netflix during winter break. But not me! I was in the Holy Land.

D:  That sounds pretty nice.

What do you mean it sounds “pretty nice”? You sound just envious enough to make me feel uncomfortable, but not envious enough that I feel good about myself. Did I mention I rode a camel? Did I mention the hot Israeli soldiers?

F:  Well, we should get a meal sometime. See you around!

No, thank you. I will be dining at Slifka until graduation, seeking my future Jewish husband.