Ah, the coveted summer internship. Here’s what the career center won’t tell you: the best summer internship is interning for ME (and my mom when she makes me do stuff for her).

I interned for myself last summer, and it was sick—all the perks of a real job without even leaving my bed or getting paid. And I can now add the following exciting internship experiences to my “LinkedIn”:

“Eating Cheez-Its and Stalking Old Crushes on Instagram” Internship, My Basement, Evanston, Illinois

Responsibilities include: Googling my summer camp crush from 8th grade (finding out he goes to Harvard now. Great job, Luke.), wiping Cheez-It grease on my sweatpants when it starts to rub off onto my phone screen, accidentally liking Luke’s Insta from 116 weeks ago, thinking about messaging him to meet up during Harvard-Yale, thinking better of it.

“Envisioning Worst Possible Outcomes and Fretting” Internship, My Brain, Evanston, Illinois

Responsibilities include: Being plagued with doubts about my future, fearing what would happen if I got murdered, watching the first half of several documentaries, taking long drives in my recently recalled VW, crying.

“Giving the Dog a Bath” Internship, My Mom, Evanston, Illinois

Responsibilities include: Feigning a dog allergy, feigning a minor wrist injury that renders me unable to wield soap, finally giving in, washing my grimy hound Hank, watching him plunge into a cesspool of mud in my backyard mere minutes later. Shaking my head in disbelief.

If internships are all about getting real world experience, what could be realer than spending the summer doing what I’d be doing anyway? This summer was awesome and my resume is fat. It was so empowering being my own boss (except when my mom was really the real boss all the time). Can’t wait for this summer to intern for myself all over again. See you soon, Illinois!