Coke vs. Pepsi. Star Wars vs. Star Trek. Me vs. my younger, more socially com-petent brother. I present before you these classic rivalries. But this week, there’s only one arbitrary division that matters: Harvard vs. Yale. That’s right, it’s The Game time. All year, students from these two prestigious universities have waited to see who would be victorious in this contest of skill and brute force. But the competition does not begin and end on Saturday. This antagonism knows no season.

Like any good Yale student, I love to hate Harvard. I bought the tee shirts. I made the signs. I rolled my eyes when this year’s U.S. News and World Report rankings came out. And this Saturday afternoon I will yell and scream insults aimed at Harvard students while dressed in an absurd amount of Yale blue. But there’s one thing that I have to admit deters me from committing to the level of antagonism that I feel is expected from me this weekend.

Yes, I hate Harvard, but not enough to kick a baby. Not even if he or she were wearing an itty-bitty Harvard hat.

I’m not one to speak out frequently on sensitive political matters like this, and I strongly believe that we each have the right to choose our own position after careful con-sideration of both sides. But after two-and-a-half years of contemplation, I feel fairly se-cure in my belief that it is morally wrong to kick a baby wearing an infant-sized crimson hat.

Now, before you doubt my commitment to the Lux and the Veritas, let me ex-plain. Let’s start by imagining a baby that wasn’t wearing a Harvard hat. You wouldn’t kick this baby. You would maybe even smile at it, or play a friendly game of peekaboo. Babies are cute and fragile, and parents usually dislike college students who insist on re-peatedly swinging their feet at their children.

So why should it be any different if the baby is wearing a cap with a tiny H on the front?

It’s hard to look at this issue as if it were black and white (or, should I say blue and crimson?). What if the baby were wearing a Harvard bowler hat? What if it were wearing a Harvard dunce cap? What if it were wearing several Harvard hats in the style of Bartholomew Cubbins? It is true that the type of hat is not insignificant. In these situa-tions, I ask you, my fellow Yalies, to be rational. A baby cannot help the kind of hat his or her parents impose upon him. Imagine a baby trying to place a hat upon his tiny head! It’s impossible, because his arms are too small.

I also acknowledge that there are different articles of clothing that a baby could wear in order to show his or her support of Harvard. A baby could wear a Harvard onesie, or a Harvard tee shirt. A baby could wear a pair of Harvard bloomers, or a Harvard muumuu, or a Harvard engraved Rolex. A baby even could have purchased a Harvard sari, even though the baby has never worn it because he or she is sensitive to the validity of concerns around cultural appropriation. In these instances, one is technically free to make the decision of whether or not to kick the baby based on context clues, like if the baby seems to be trying to provoke a response from you, or if the baby has a “kick me” sign on his or her back.

But I personally will not be kicking any babies this weekend, and I do not con-done the behavior, regardless of what form of Harvard regalia they are wearing. I know that not everyone agrees with me on this matter, but I hope that in writing this, I am start-ing a conversation amongst Yale students. If you cannot help feel rage when you see a baby wearing a Harvard hat, I would suggest releasing this anger in alternate ways. Feel free to glare at a toddler, or tell a middle schooler “you will never go through puberty.” But be smart and compassionate at Harvard-Yale this Saturday, and don’t kick any ba-bies, even if they allowed themselves to be born in a household that values that place we all hate.

If you absolutely must chose to kick a baby wearing a Harvard hat, make sure it’s just a light tap of the foot, and please, no cleats.