It was the first time I’d seen her since April, we’d spent about 25 minutes together in the 36 hours that I stayed with her, and she mercifully did not turn around as she waited to purchase 8 oranges and Hot Pocket. Note: my ability to greet people like an adult is still very much in process.
Someone with nothing in his hands
He either buys 4 packs of gum or he’s about to hold up the line with an order of tenders. Spoiler: it’s always tenders. Plot twist: he’s gonna be indecisive about which sauce he wants. Upshot: your wait time is about to double.
A Mullet
There’s a lot to be scared of here, and the danger zone that separates Business in the Front from Party in the Back is just too ambiguous from behind.
Peter Salovey
Scary in that you will confront the fact that even President Salovey needs to eat, leading you to consider the mortality of institutional figureheads, causing you to wonder about your own ineptitude to resist the cyclical nature of life, and, at the inevitable moment that you accept that we are all just animals born from and destined for dust and obscurity, you’ll realize that you’re still in line at Durfee’s next to a rack of Chile Limón Cheetos.
The Ghost of Eli Whitney
Scary cause he’s a ghost but also a 100% chance of finally making the Yale Campus Snapstory so, yeah, it’s a tradeoff.
Any Human Ever
The only thing to fear but fear itself is people everywhere all of the time because social interactions are hard. And I’m facing my fears every. damn. day.
That kid who bought all 9 of the creepy hard boiled eggs in a tupperware at once
WHO ARE YOU?? I saw this happen and did a little look ‘round to see if anyone else was freaking out about the probable serial killer in our midst. Nobody was.