Oh what a night! (All of this really happened.)
-Jeb smoked ganj. (Well not on air. And he apologized to Mama Barb for bringing it up.)
-Trump told Rand Paul he’s ugly but told Carly Fiorina that she’s beautiful. (aw)
-Rubio says we shouldn’t be worried about climate change, because “America is a lot of things, but America is not a planet.” (Honestly I have to agree.)
-Carson says, “Vaccines are important. Certain ones. Ones that prevent death.”
-Trump advises against vaccines that are too big because someone who worked for him had a son who got a vaccine the size of a horse vaccine (??) and then the baby got a fever and then autism.
-Ted Cruz says he’ll fight every day for guns. Every. Day.
Shit really got good when CNN took a page from the Andy Cohen handbook:
What woman should we put on the $10 bill?
-Rand says Susan B. Anthony. (Good choice.)
-Marco says Rosa Parks (aw!)
-Ted says get rid of Jackson, not Hamilton, and bring on Rosa aw!
-Donald says Ivanka because she’s been sitting [in the audience] for three hours but if not her then Rosa aw! (Trump is all about honoring women who sit.)
-Christie thinks we should remedy the Addams Family’s underrepresentation. (Turned out he was talking about Abigail, not Morticia.)
-Jeb says Margaret Thatcher. (???? Homegirl was definitely British.)
-Dr. Ben says his mom.
-Huckabee says his wife so she can spend her own money. (He has missed the point.)
What would you want your secret service codename to be?
Pretty sure this was actually a question on the RHONY Reunion Special.
-Christie: True Heart. (Did I mishear this?? God I hope not.)
-Carson: One Nation. (Some l’etat c’est moi type shit.)
-Trump: Humble. (That is an adjective, but I guess there are no hard and fast rules.)
-Paul: Justice Never Sleeps. (I’ll bet you an Ivanka that Rand Paul often sleeps.)
-Cruz knows what his wife’s should be: “Angel.” He elaborates: “Because she’s my angel.”
Goodnight, and God Bless These United States.
