We approached week 4 at full speed ahead as many surprises were unloaded on to the ladies, including a camping trip and a drop-by at the mansion from Chris’s three sisters to pick one lucky woman to spend an enchanting evening with Chris. Cue Disney Cinderella plug. Well played ABC, well played.
Down to just 14 girls in the running, the house was divided into two groups. The first set of 7 enjoyed a muddy LA lake and a night camping under the stars. *Cut away to my post-traumatic Shasta disorder. Chris wanted to see how they’d act outdoors, because Chris thinks none of these women have ever encountered dirt before. This may have been true for Kelsey; stone cold the entire time as the girls roasted her attitude like a marshmallow over the fire. Ashley I., the virgin, tried to hint to Chris in private that she is a virgin, but farm boy clearly didn’t get the hint. Looks like this was a no “fantasy tent” kind of date night.
Back at the house, Chris’s three sisters selected Jade to join Chris on the Cinderella fairytale date. “Who is that?!” America yelled flabbergasted into their glasses of Cabernet. Game changer, the woman, who nobody thought was a threat just may be our newest frontrunner.
The date was as beautiful as the Disney’s Cinderella movie trailer, which felt like it was being played in the background the entire time. Christian Louboutin heels as her glass slippers and a kiss at the stroke of midnight was all I needed to finish my pint of Haagen Daz.
The next group date got dirty and desperate as the other 7 ladies ran an obstacle course in wedding dresses through mud and grime for the chance to win a romantic date in San Francisco with our bachelor. Naturally, miss censored booty, I-can-bench-more-weight-than-Chris-can, Jillian won the competition, #LegDay. The dinner date went south fast as she came off too bold, making Chris realize her journey had come to a close, she was sent home, or back to the gym.
Chris’s feathers became ruffled as Britt called him out on rumors from other girls about the campout. Ashley I. confessed her virginity and immediately regretted her decision, as Chris seemed unfazed. *Cut away to Ashley I. crying all of her Kim Kardashian makeup off again. Chris and his girl voice then made an announcement to the women that if they doubted his intentions in this process, they could leave.
And on that bright note, the rose ceremony successfully weeded out who we hated to see go but loved to watch leave. I’m talking to you, Ashley S., pomegranates and zombies forever. Also sent home, other than Jillian, were Juelia and Nikki.
As the number of women left in the mansion with the possibility of being Mrs. Chris Soules decreases, our number of frontrunners rapidly increases with new eye candy being brought forward each week. Also the paramedics haven’t appeared in an episode yet so technically the juicy drama hasn’t even begun. Tune in next Monday for my live tweeting of week 5’s episode!
My favorite picture of Ashley S #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/oVW9dc7wgj
— Audrey Bittner (@PodgeTown) January 27, 2015
Apologies to everyone out there named Ashley feeling ashamed by #TheBachelor right now. We are with you.
— Us Weekly (@usweekly) January 27, 2015
“It’s not that I don’t want to kiss you. It’s just that I don’t want to swallow the last girl’s saliva.” #TheBachelor
— Sean Lowe (@SeanLowe09) January 20, 2015
I like how they play Wheel of Fortune right before #TheBachelor just so us single ladies can see what we’ll be doing in 30 years. Alone.
— MadilaRue (@MadiLaRue) January 27, 2015
I like how ABC doesn’t hide the fact that the girls are drunk the whole show #TheBachelor
— erinn scotland (@erinnscotland) January 27, 2015