Really, this is an exercise in falsehoods, because the best place for breakfast is my table (367 Elm St, Apt. 503, to the left when you get to the landing from the stairs). If anyone wants to meet me there, you can eat oatmeal with me while the sun falls on my houseplant and my roommate walks by in running clothes. I will be feeling bad about not being in running clothes, but that experience will be fleeting and it’s still a good place for breakfast.

The second best place for breakfast is Claire’s. I get the granola, because they give you so much granola. It’s more granola than I’d ever had, before I went to Claire’s. Every time they give me the granola, I’m like, there’s no way I can eat all this granola. But then I eat all the granola, and it’s great, and I don’t feel like I need to eat granola for a long time, like a week, because I just ate a small mountain of granola flooded with almond milk rivers and sprinkled with chunks of banana that are great because they provide a different texture from the texture of granola, which you, too, will be familiar with if you get granola at Claire’s.